Punch: Punch (70.1876)

April l, 1876.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 121

CAUSE AND EFFECT.

Publican. "Your Dog's very Fat, Sin. Pray what do you Feed
uim ox ? "

Traveller. " Well, he has no regular Meals ; but whenever I take a
Glass of Ale, I give him a Biscuit, you Know ! ! "

fairly enough by the Peruvian Government as having- been chartered and loaded
here by agents of conspirators against the Government, and used for the pur-
poses of a rebellion in the country—but shirked Dr. Cameron's point, which
was that our Government had been slack in acting on behalf of the crew. We
are glad to hear from Mr. Bourke that Lord Derby has, at last, sent out a
peremptory demand for the immediate trial or release of the officers. Better
late than never. Unfortunately, the demand comes too late for the mate,
Sibley. The ruffian's knife has already picked the dungeon-lock for him,
poor fellow!

Lord Derby should be made to feel that there are occasions on which it is
the duty of a Foreign Secretary's blood to boil. Peru may be as weak among
powers, as she is lawless in her prisons, and rascally in her finance. But that
is no reason why she should be allowed to imprison and ill use English, sailors
with impunity. Weakness has its privileges ; but this is pushing them too far.
Let us hope that Dr. Cameron's creditably cool and clear exposition of the case
will from this time secure his clients against the cooling influences of Foreign
Office snow-broth. Even Mr. Gladstone admitted that Lord Derby might
have shown more spirit, without infringing his over-cherished rule of discretion.

(Wednesday.)—An Irish afternoon as usual. Dr. Ward busy proving that
the Irish Fisheries had been knocked on the head by the treacherous jealousy
of the_ Saxon, and starved, when the Scotch Fisheries were fed fat on grants and
bounties. He only asks for an Irish Board of Commissioners, like the Scotch—
a branding system, like the Scotch—and a modest annual grant of £20,000, to
be spent in the repairs of piers and harbours, and loans to fishermen, &c. &c.

Dr. Ward, backed by Mr. Butt, Lord Hamilton, and Mr. Bruen, and a
strong muster of Irish Members, made out a good case, in the teeth of Baxter
and the Economists ; and Sir M. H. Beach was driven to the candid admission
that so long as the Scotch system was maintained, if it could be shown that the
Irish Fisheries suffered for want of it, it ought to be extended to them. He
promised inquiry. As to the grant, there were various loans out of the Repro-
ductive Loan Fund under the Act of 1874. Let us see how the repayments
under that came in, and then it would be time to talk about an extension of the
system. Sly Sir Michael ! On the whole, he must oppose the Bill. So it was
negatived by 215 to 131. But Dr. Ward can't say he has taken nothing by his
motion.

Thursday {Lords).—Lord Salisbury promised the
Cambridge University Bill after Easter. Why are the
Dark Blues to have precedence ?

{Commons).—" Que diable allait-il faire dans cette
Galere f " A startler for Egyptian Bulls. When Dis-
raeli promised Cave's Report he had not read it.
Having read it he thought Khedive mightn't like it.
Khedive being asked, said he didn't like it, and the
voice of the Cave is not to be heard in the City. So the
Report is burked, and the Bears are loose with a ven-
geance ! Disraeli may boast to have repeated the feat
of his forefathers. He"has spoiled the Egyptians !

Milton's hymn comes to mind—with a difference :—

The Oracle is dumb !

From forth the Cave no hum
Skaketh the market, up or downward heaving.

The Khedive doth opine

That light might raise a shine.
So Cabinet seals Cave—Egyptian darkness leaving !

Another contribution—perhaps the largest of the year,
and they have been both large and many—to Benjamin's
mess.

But he crowned even this to-night, by his amazing
speech on the Royal Titles Bill—in which he ran play-
fully down a whole gamut of "authorities," from
Spencer's Fairy Queen and Camden's Britannia to
JFhitaJier's Almanac, and the letter of a nursery cor-
respondent—a dear good girl of twelve—who finds the
Queen called Empress in her school-geography, a work
with the high authority of an eighty-ninth edition.

But the Sphinx's most mysterious riddle was left for
the last. Have not the bazaars and the ryots heard of
an " Emperor "—an irresistible conqueror—who is slowly,
but surely, absorbing Asia, from the North downwards ?
Henceforth India shall have her " Empress " to throw
in the " Emperor's " teeth!

Marvellous medicine of a word ! Mighty mystery _ of
the Asian mind! Soundless depths of the Disraelitish
incomprehensible!

Here be reasons, 0 Bull ! plentiful as black-berries,
and big as it is easy to make wind-bags. So Third
Reading of the Bill was carried by 209 to 134, under
protest of the Opposition, well and weightily uttered
by the accredited mouths of Gladstone and Lowe ; and
with the freshness and force of a new voice, besides—
that of Cowen, a dark diamond from coaly Tyne. So
passes the Bill to the Lords. Q. b. f.f. que siet, prays
Punch, but doubtingly, for he loves not to see high
things lightly handled—and is for holding to the old
ways nowhere so reverently as in the region round the
Throne.

On Merchant Shipping Bill. There is a chance of
getting the pressure of Poor Jack's collar lightened
in one place. Mr. Gorst enforced from recalcitrant
Adderley promise of a Clause to confine imprisonment
for breach of sailor's contract to cases involving danger
to life or ship.

Friday.—Nothing so remarkable as Serjeant Sher-
lock's gallant proposal to uncage the Ladies! Many
Members—Hope and Manners included—maintained
that the Ladies preferred their present den " behind the
grille, behind the grille ! "—to parody the Laureate.
Stone walls do not a prison make,

Nor brazen bars a cage ;
Ladies, the House who visit, take
These for a privilege !

note on naval estimates.

One Gun that will sink an Iron-clad is as good as a
broadside. A gunboat, whilst hitting hard enough to
sink a Minotaur, is hard for the Minotaur to hit. The
smaller the vessel and fewer her crew, the smaller and
cheaper the calamity of her going to the bottom. A Little
Ship with a Great Gun might do wonders. We want a
lot. of those Little Ships, my Lords.

an apropos title.

Monarch op Monarchs,

Could you not suggest to the mighty Mystery-
Man that he should style his Royal Mistress Suzerain
{Suez-reine) of Hindostan ? The title would commemo-
rate at once his two grand coups at Canal-buying and
Sovereign-coining. yours, abjectly, Agag.