Punch: Punch (70.1876)

April 29, 1876.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

171

"FAINT PRAISE."

Little Landscape Painter (gleefully). " Good Morning, Sir. I'm glad—I
believe—I've heard—the Academy have accepted my Picture-"

Phumble, R.A. (on the Hanging Committee, with six "Bogies " on the Line). "Oh,
yes, Brown, 'recollect passing it. Fact is, it came up with such a lot
o' Rubbish, it looked a perfect Gem !! "

FASHION'S LAST CONQUEST.

(See Extracts from a Lady's Letter from Jamaica, in " Birds
for the Bonnet"—Punch, April 22.)

0 Ladies of London and Paris,

"Whose faces are radiant and fair,
Unimproved by a head-dress that carries

Bich plumage of birds of the air!
In the Boulevards and eke Piccadilly

"Will you flutter bright wings without shame,
When Negresses, showy and silly,
Are doing the same ?

The birdcatcher (destined to Hades)

Is netting the commons for you.
The elegant ebony ladies

Are eager to decorate too.
Your sisters in sable all cherish

A love for bright colours, and hence
Multitudinous humming-birds perish
To gladden their sense.

Their vanity needed no tutor.

You teach them. Your folly destroys
The robin, untireable fluter,

Inviolate even to boys.
Ere a Lady of fashion can gird her

White brow with appropriate gems,
We must hear of the kingfisher's murder
On Avon or Thames.

Oh, let the winged melodists utter

Bich music, delicious to hear ;
And let the bright-feathered ones flutter

Their plumage without any fear!
In your bonnets they hardly will figure,

Admiration as like to allure,
When we think of the plume-flaunting Nigger—
Your caricature.

A Flattering' Invitation.

We believe we break no confidence in mentioning
the rumour that, inspired by certain pregnant words of
the Premier of England, the Citizens of San Francisco
have resolved upon petitioning the Presldent of the
United States to assume forthwith the title of the
Emperor op California, in order to protect that State
from Chinese annexation.

legged stool, trying to wash the dirty linen with her poor little thin
arms."

"The District Nurse must be the Angel in the House," said
Punch.

" You shall hear what her duties are before you decide. First,
she has to nurse. Secondly, she has to put the room in nursing
order; that is, to make the room such as a patient can recover in.
Thirdly, to bring such sanitary defects as produce sickness and
death to the notice of the Public Officer whom they may concern.
Nursing means keeping records of the patient's state, including
pulse, temperature, &c, for the doctor, and attending to every
want. "When the room is in nursing order, the work of the hardest-
worked housemaid has been performed. "When sanitary defects are
pointed out, dust-bins are emptied, water-butts are cleaned, and
defective water supply and drainage are examined and remedied."

" Hard work, indeed ! " murmured Punch.

"So hard," continued the gentle voice, "that when the Nurses
return to their homes they must rest. They have other things to do
than to cook for and wait upon themselves. And the homes and the
Nurses both cost money. Each District Nurse must have, before she
is qualified, a month's trial in district work, a year's training in
hospital work, and a quarter's training in district nursing under the
Superintendent-General."

' And what has been done up to the present time ? " asked Punch.
He had grown accustomed to the voice, and he listened with interest
to the answer.

" There is but one District Home with five hospital-trained Nurses,
and three Nurse-candidates. To make the scheme a success, with
branches extending over the metropolitan area, a capital of £20,000,
and an income of £5,000 a-year are needed."

" One more question," said Punch. ""Where may subscriptions
be sent ? "

" To the Secretary of the Metropolitan and National Nursing
Association, 23, Bloomsbury Square, "W.C."

And then Punch woke ; for he had dreamed a dream.

Not quite a dream, for in his hand he held a paper containing a
letter signed "Florence Nightingale." He read the last few
lines:—

" I ask the public not to add one more charity or relief agency to the many
that are already, but to support a charity—truly,' metropolitan ' in its scope,
and truly ' national' if carried out—which never has been before."

And as he read these words, the nightingale in the sky sang its
song.

" You are outdone! " exclaimed Punch. " There is a Nightingale
still upon the earth who sings a sweeter song than yours—a song
that should find its echo in the hearts of the rich, and have for a
reward the earnest blessings of the suffering poor."

A Whole some Mixture.

In a recent number of the Scotsman will be found an announce-
ment of a marriage between a scion of the house of Jameson, of
Dublin whiskey renown, and a ditto of the house of Haig, of the
celebrated Cameron Bridge Scotch distillery. May the mixture lead
to nothing but the best spirits on both sides ; and may there have
been no preliminary refusal-oil to mar the smack of meeting lips
and the blend of loving hearts in the new firm, let us hope never to
be shaken, of Haig, Jameson & Co.

Apis Orthographica.

" Acri mellis cosiest la doiw."

Moi gran'vather 'ee went zure-ly
To zee the Ondustryous Ylea ;

But naw the Parson, they tells I,
'As got a Spellin' Bee.