Punch: Punch (70.1876)

212

[May 27, 1876.

DE GUSTIBUS NON DISPUTANDUM.

(at least not by beautiful people of either sex.)

Adonis (after his Guests have departed). " By Joye, Maria, what a Handsome Woman Mrs. Jones is ! She looks better than
eyer !"

His Wife. " Ahem ! Well, it may be my bad Taste, but I own I haye hitherto failed to detect the Beauty of
Mrs. Jones. Now, 3Ir. Jones is good-looking, if you like !"

Adonis. "Jones good-looking! Come—hang it, Maria, Jones is a very good Fellow, and all that; but I must say
I've never perceived his Good Looks!" &c, &c.

GONE WRONG!

A new novel. by miss rhody dendron,

Authoress of " Cometh Dovm like a Shower," "Red in the Nose is She,"
" Good! Buy Sweet Tart!" " Not Slily, But don't Tell."

Chapter XV.— What the Author says.

The Reverend Thomas Hassock was, apparently, as far that is
as human sight could pierce, at well-nigh his last gasp.

"Oh, Tommy!" Bella wailed, "you're not going, are you?
Oh! what shall I do here all alone by myself ? Who will play the
concertina to me when you are gone ? And when nobody else will
have me, there will be a strong likelihood of my remaining an old
maid, if you are not at hand to marry me. Do not go, Tommy, do
not go ! or at least stay here until it is perfectly certain you won't
be wanted any more, when, as you might be rather in the way than
otherwise, you can go to—wherever you like, and no one will Care
less than 11 But at present, Tommy, as there is no necessity for

fou to withdraw in order to make room for your Uncle,* I ask you,
implore you, I conjure you, to stay where you are ! "

* " To make room for your Uncle." What the Editor said in a Letter to
the Authoress.—" A propos of this ' Uncle,' so suddenly brought in; we have
never before heard of him in the story, and being afraid that it might either
be a mere slip of the pen, or, which would be more grave, the sudden intro-
duction of a fresh series of characters that might prolong the romance ad
infinitum, we have written to ask you for information. Who is the Uncle ?
if necessary to the plot, why has he not been mentioned before ? If unneces-
sary, why complicate matters now by bringing him in at, what we really
thought was, the last moment ? "

What the Authoress says to the Editor.—"Is it not permissible to intro-
duce an allusion to a popular modern lyric, and so crystallise what would
otherwise be evanescent, and give immortality to what of itself is perishable,

Her excessive grief seemed slightly to annoy him—him who was
already so far beyond all annoyance—for he raised himself with
difficulty on the bed, and, with hands growing disobedient, grasped
ahout darkly for his bolster: when he found what he sought, he
lifted it as it were a great weight to him, and let it fall three times
heavily on her bended, chestnut head. Then, as he sank back on
his pillow, a smile of happy memories passed across his countenance
—the recollection of the days when as a schoolboy he had excelled
in bolstering matches in the dormitory.

Touched inexpressibly—forcibly touched—by this supreme effort,

without being obliged to develop the subject further ? Do you understand
me r Probably not. But you will take care not to alter a single line of this
or any other remaining chapter. L have seen my Solicitor on the subject.
Prenez garde ! If any one comes across my path, mind, it is war d I'outrance."

R. D.

_._What the Editor says in reply.— 1 Excusez. Not a I'outrance, as we have
found in one or two of your admirable works, in which there is a refreshing
peppering, a slight but relishing seasoning of Boulogne and its environs, but
d outrance. This may be useful to you in future. As to the Uncle, let him
pass, only don't let us hear of him again. Go on, and finish your admirable
work."—Ed.

P.S. (from Same to Same).—" As it was too late for you to make any alter-
ation now, we have taken it into our own hands. You, dear Miss Dendron,
placed the Eev. Thomas in bed; after much deliberation, the Committee,
including our Doctor and Solicitor—una voce dissentiente, i.e. our Aunt—has
decided upon retaining your third hero (you have three heroes to one heroine)
in bed, but—to avoid all unpleasantness, and not to cut ourselves off from the
drawing-tables of our most respectable subscribers, and the dining-tables of
our influential friends—we have thought it better to perform one of the
noblest works of charity—vestire nuditaUm—and to keep your excellent
reverend hero in bed (as you have placed him for effect), but with his clothes
on. There was not time to communicate with you, and we had no doubt you
would have no objection to the course taken when you should see it in print.
Accept our compliments."—Ed.