Punch (80.1881)

46

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI.

["January 20, 1881.

DEEPER THAN THE SNOW.

Telegram from Mr. Larhh'all '{of
the Firm of Briggs and Lark-
hall, Fenchurch Street) to 3frs.
Larkhall, Duckpond Villa,
Marshfield Heath, Herts.

"Roads impassable: no cabs,
no trams, no omnibuses ; all rail-
ways blocked with snow-drifts.
Shall stay in town, and clear up
office arrears till weather breaks.
Will telegraph to-morrow.
Don't be alarmed. Address Tavi-
stock Hotel."

Note sent by Messenger to young
Mr. Sparkhall {of the Firm
of Sparkhall, Dobbs, and
Sparkhall, Mincing Lane).

Dear Dick,-—This snow's a
godsend. Shall get two or three
days—perhaps more—in London,
for a spree, which I want badly
after six months at Marshfield.
The country's healthy, but dull.
Let's dine together to-night at
the " Ship and Turtle," and do a
theatre or a couple of music-
halls together. We can wind up
at the Tav." with supper, and
smoke till all's blue.

Yours, Toil.

" Feom the Ranks." — Our
esteemed Contributor, " Tommy
the Toff" called into say that
the weather has been so hard on
him he could hardly hold a whip
let alone a pen, but we might
depend on hisj giving1 us his
number (three) next week for
certain.

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 16.

("

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" ----. 1





" THE STORY OF LEFEVRE,"
The First Man after Adam as Commissioner of Works.

NEAT AND APPROPRIATE.

The eloquence of Mr. McDon-
otjgh, O.C., during the Land
League trial produced a startling
effect on the Court. In the report
of his speech given in the Free-
man's Journal, January 14, the
Learned Counsel is represented to
have said:—

"That question struck the Govern-
ment of the country, but was first
prompted by the men who you are
asked to send to gaol. They were the
first to ask the question; they were
the first to hearken to the cry of dis-
tress, and they were the first who
came to the relief of the starving
people.—The Court then adjourned for
lunch."

The Court couldn't stand the
touching picture — at least it
couldn't sit any longer. It rose
as one man—one very hungry,
man—and went to luncheon. Did
Mr. McDonotjgh retire to study
somebody's legal Digests ?

Insuf-fishi-ent Accommo-
dation.

A little coercion is wanted in
the City, just to make the Cor-
poration apply some adequate
remedies to the Billingsgate
Market nuisance. Are Aldermen
and Common Councilmen no
better than a multiplication of
Ducal Mudfords ? As it's a Fish
market in question, couldn't the
Prince of Whales throw his
weight into the scale ?

Language of " Flowers."-
" Forty shillings and costs."

ALL FBOZE OUT;

or, what it mat come to.

{From a Glacial Diary.)

January 21.—Glorious, healthy, bright, brisk bracing weather.
Thermometer five degrees above zero. Have just cut following
from Daily Telegraph :—

" There have been great changes of the world's climate before now, and we
may be sure there will be again. ... It is a solemnising thought amid the
hush of the snow-buried metropolis, to remember, that once upon a time, our
London parks and English waters were the pleasure-grounds of Arctic animals,
and that they might become so again—if the frost continues long enough."

Believe_ there is something in this. Hope there is. Buy a damaged
lot of indiarubber hot bottles at two and ninepence a piece, and fifty
tons of prime coal at thirteen and six, on the strength of it. Mercury
still falling. Hooray! Exchange shower-bath for its weight in
ginger lozenges. To bed, seeing my way to a good thing.

January 31.—Tenth day of thermometer thirty degrees below
zero. _ Effects of continued cold tremendous. Snow thirty-two feet
deep in Lowther Arcade. Thames frozen to the Nore. Wolves at
Rosherville. Admittance to gardens reduced to fourpence. Sold my
last ton of coals to a [Royal Duke, for £15,000, a Scotch moor, the
Order of the Garter, and five lucifer matches. To bed in an anthra-
cite stove.

February 10.—Glacial period rapidly developing. Shot my first
mastodon in Cranbourn Street. Left it to be stuffed at the nay-
market Stores, and purchased an Hereditary Dukedom in Pall Mall,
later in the day, for a hot bottle. Sun rises H'45 ; sets at 1215.
Met a batch o£ frozen-out Peers in the Cromwell Road, gave them
into custody, and wrote to the Charity Organisation Society. Came
home in a hansom drawn by a couple of steam-rollers (tandem).
Current prices (this day) :—Hot potatoes, £25 apiece (without dis-
count) ; douche baths, four a penny. The attendants at Madame
Ttjssatjd's frozen, and permanently added to the Catalogue; 572
Members of Parliament congealed in the Lobby. The Debate on Peace
Preservation Bill continued in hot baths. Many people with weak
chests ordered to the North Pole. Grey shirtings rather dull.

February 21.—Palaeolithic pterodactyl shooting commences. Gas
extinct. Westminster Abbey lighted by fireworks. Sell my last
damaged hot bottle to a distinguished personage for a magic lantern
(lamp trimmed). Polar bears, without being admitted after seven,
appear in the pit at the Haymarket Theatre, and are addressed
courteously by the Management.

March 2.—A Primeval man seen in Rotten Row, and subsequently
put up at the Beefsteak Club, and twice black-balled. The whole
plain of London, from the Surrey Hills to Hampstead, a silent wil-
derness of dark and frozen desolation. Low necks still worn at the
Drawing-room. " Hot Codlins," byuniversal consent, declared the
National Anthem. Several foreign expeditions in search of the
North West passage go into winter-quarters in Upper Wimpole
Street, and are never heard of again. A most eventful day.

Marehll—The glacial period fully established under King Gijnter
the First. Hearing that Punch was now being published in the
crater of Vesuvius, and finding St. James's Park full of icebergs,
and Piccadilly patrolled by frugiverous mammoths, I this afternoon
sold my remaining shares in the Chelsea Waterworks Company to
the door-keeper of the Christy's Minstrels, who still perform in

Aprili.—Up to town once more, on hearing that the Dean and
Chapter had opened St. Paul's as a Turkish Bath. Exchanged two
ginger lozenges for a Life Member's ticket, sit in the Crypt, and
determine to read back numbers of the Daily Telegraph until the
next coal period. _

captain nolan.

Mr. Parnell dropped his Whip last week. This threatened mis-
chief to the Obstructionist coach. It was evident he must have him
back, quand me?ne, any way,—Nolarts volens.

Important Notice.—The Kyrle Society meets to-morrow—Prince
Leopold in the Chair. Several Eyrie-paper's will be read. Ihe
Society has a great many irons in the fire. Speeches will be made
in various barberous tongs.