Punch (80.1881)

62 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 12, 1881.

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MAUDLE ON THE CHOICE OF A PROFESSION.

Maudle. " How consummately lovely your Son is, Mrs. Brown ! "

Mrs. Brown {a Philistine from the country). " What1? He's a nice, manly Boy, if you

mean that, Mr. maudle. He has just left school, you know, and wishes to be an

Artist."

Maudle. " Why should he be an Artist?"
Mrs. Brown. "Well, he must be something 1'"

Maudle. " WHY-should-he JSs anything ? WHY not let him remain for ever content

to Exist Beautifully ?" . .

[Mrs. Brown determines that at all events Jier Son shall not study Art under Maudle.

SONGS OF THE SCIENCES.

iv.—botany.

What reck I though she be fair
If the flowers are not her care ;
If she ponder not upon
Many a Dicotyledon ;
If she have no admiration
Eor all forms of aestivation.

Let her learn through happy hours
Properties of plants and now'rs ;
Know how Watercress should be
Rank'd with the Cruciferce ;
How the Sundew, without question
Darwin tells us, has digestion.

If perchance her ardour burns
For the Cryptogamic ferns ;
She will see how spores become
Cased in the Indusium ;
And how wondrously you vary
Scolopendrium vulgare !

She shall calmly learn to state,
Clover is tri-foliolate;
And describe in words exact,
Awn and axis, blade and bract:
So shall I in her sweet presence,
Find my love hath inflorescence.

Burton on Trieste.

Burton we know stands on the Trent,
and Mrs. Burton, traveller herself, and
wife of a great traveller, has been standing
three-quarters of an hour in Trieste, lec-
turing those who have not, and rewarding
those who have distinguished themselves
for humanity to animals. Mrs. Burton is
converting Italia Irridenta into Redeemed
Italy. And may her good work prosper.
In future it is to be hoped that Cave Canem
will mean " Beware of the dogs, the oxen,
and the horses you possess, and do not beat
them so mercilessly as you have been in
the habit of doing, or you will receive no
prizes for humanity from Mrs. Burton,
who, by the bye, wants two hundred pounds
to reward you this year." Address, Mrs.
Richard Burton, Trieste.

Advice to Business Men.—Keep your
good name without a single Spec.

A CHILD'S EEMONSTEANCE.

Dear Mr. Punch,

I am only a school-girl home for the holidays, but I am told
that you are very fond of young people, and always ready to listen
to their little grievances, and I have a grievance which is anything
but a little one. Dear, dear, how dreadfully disappointed I was last
Thursday!

My Uncle has lately become a Councilman somewhere down in the
City, and, as he has no children of his own, he very kindly took me

dressed up like statues. There were four dreadful-looking men with
their faces blacked singing comic songs ; there was one terrible-
looking black man who seemed to be imitating a poor paralysed
negro, and who was so horribly ugly that a poor little fellow had to
be carried out of the room in a perfect agony of fear, and, worst of
all, there was a hideous-looking black man dressed up in woman's
clothes ! and trying to sing like a woman ! After that there was
Punch and Judy and a Conjuror, and all that sort of rubbish, and
that's all!

Oh, it was so dull! One little fat gentleman told us, that if we
waited till 11 '30, a Mr. Sturgeon would come and preach to us, and

with him to the Children's Party at the Mansion House ! I had \ after that we should be allowed to dance, provided all the young
thought of nothing else for a week before, and Mamma had bought j ladies danced with young ladies, and all the young gentlemen with
me such a beautiful dress, such as I never saw anywhere except at young gentlemen ! But that isn't my idea of dancing, and so, by

the Theatre. Well, we got there at seven o'clock precisely, so as to
be in time for the first dance, but almost the first thing we heard
was that there was to be no dancing ! No dancing! And a beautiful
band of soldiers playing such nice music, and plenty of partners, and
plenty of room, and no dancing!

Of course Uncle wouldn't believe it at first, but it was too true,
the Lord Mayor told him that some of the most important people
there would not have come if he had not promised there should be
no dancing!

Dear Mr. Punch ! I am nearly fifteen, I quite love dancing, I was
most beautifully drest, and there were lots of partners, and yet
what do you think were the only things provided for my amusement ?
There were three or four very plain people with their faces chalked,

eleven o'clock we were all so tired and so sleepy, that we went
home.

Oh, dear Mr. Punch, if this is what is called a Children's Party at
the Mansion House, what dreadful stories some of my friends must
have told me about last year's.

Yours almost ready to cry with disappointment,

Fanny.

sixty per cent.

An indignant Traveller, who, during the late snow-storm, thought
he was overcharged by a Cabman, said he felt he was in the hands of
the Jehus.