Punch (80.1881)

166

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 9, 1881,

SQUARE AND UNFAIR.

Oer friend Jeames of Buckley
Square took up his Morning Post
and read as follows:—■

i \" If Mr. James's Bill were pressed
to its logical conclusion, its ultimate
end would be, that all the squares in
London would be thrown open to the
general use of the public."

'' Evins!'' exclaims Mr, Jeames,
" can't b'leeve my eyes ! Buck-
ley Square thrown hoping to the
hoy polly, as the French say! And
to think as this should be the pro-
posal of anyone baring- the hon-
nerd name of ' Jeames '! "

Lancashire v. Ireland.

^ Ireland must really look to
its laurels, or Lancashire will
soon surpass it. The other day a
man was kicked to death at Old-
ham ; and a few days afterwards
another man was kicked to death
at Wigan. The Wigan outrage
took place at a house that had
already been celebrated as the
soene of two murders. Perhaps if
amputation could be inflicted as
a punishment, the crime of kick-
ing would not find so many sup-
porters ?

Me. E. E. Kay, Q.C.—the strict
Q.C.—was made a Judge last
week. Excellent appointment:
quite "O.K."

Forecast from the Trans-
vaal.—Cloudy. More Suzerainy
weather.

National Anthem for the
Boers.—"Pretty See-uze-rain,
don't say No!"

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS-No. 26.

HON. EYELYN ASHLEY, M.P.,

First-Class Chairman of Railway Rates and Fares Committee.

Mem. from Evelyn's Diary. —" The Marie Lane Express ought to
slacken speed on Sir "Watkins' line."

MORE DIRTY WORK !

The Liberals are particularly
unfortunate. They have had to
clean up an Indian mess which
was left by their predecessors;
they _ have been worsted in an
Empire-at-any-price war which
was prepared for them by Shep-
stone, Frere, and Wolseley ;
and they have had to meet Irish
obstruction by knocking holes in
Constitutional Government. This
is not all. They are now com-
pelled to interfere with the liberty
of the Press, and to seize, printers,
editors, and type in a way that
must remind people of the much-
abused French Empire.

A Parochial Reminder.

As the London Season is just
commencing, it is as weR to re-
mind our parish rulers of their
duties as road-menders. PaU
Mall, Regent Street, Piccadilly,
St. Jameses Street, and other im-
portant thoroughfares ought to
be closed at once, even if the work
of re-paving is not commenced
for a fortnight. Care should be
taken not to apprise the Gas or
AVater Companies of this work,
so that the new paving may be
immediately torn up again for
the supply of bad gas and worse
water.

what it will come to.

Brown. Where are you going
to this summer ?

Jones. Nowhere. I'm going to
take the wife and girls to the
theatre twice, and to the Opera
once this season, and after that we
can't afford anything else.

LETTERS TO A "HANGER."

(No. 1.) Lady Fitz-Bleshrose presents her compliments to Mr.
Turps, R.A. Lady Fitz-Blushrose has a young protegee (Miss
Mary Mottlegob) who is about to send a picture to the Academy.
The subject—one which must attract every refined mind—is a baU of
worsted, a little lamb, some sweet flowers in a (blue) pot, and a
church spire in the distance. Lady Fitz-Bleshrose has to request
that Mr. Terps will secure for this work a favourable position in the
Exhibition.

(No. 2.) Hear Mr. Terps,—-You will remember me? We were
once stopping at Bettsycwydd, you at the "Wanton Cherokee," I
at the ' Half-Brick." And now vou are a " hanger ! " Well, I'm
frank by name, and frank by nature. I've painted a swell picture
—original subject—" Boadicea finding the Body of Harold ; " and I
want you to give it a real good place—say on the line in the big
room. I've never been hung before; but now vou're "hanger,"
and I reckon upon you! Yourg Feank Screes.

(No. 3.) Sir,—I know nothing whatever of you, but in the cause
of charity I would brave much. I am an orphan—a bereaved orphan
—and my whole future depends on you! I am one of seventeen, and
I support the rest. Oh, Sir, you have a noble heart! Sir, I
have taken to painting; but I have never had a lesson! With
me all is inteivition ! I shaR bring my first picture to your house.
Sir, hang it weH! I have done an angel troubling the water
in a bowl of flat-fish-—as soles, flounders, &c.—all very bright,
except the Angel in a diaphanous green. Sir, it must please the
aesthetics! at t -n

Niobe Jane Brittletop.

The only Guards on the Underground Railway from whom tra-
vellers have recently received particular attention have been Black-
Guards,

LAWYERS FOR LADIES.

The City Press announces that a Gentleman,
member of an eminent civic firm of Solicitors,
has been, as for the counties of Middlesex and
Surrey, and the cities of London and West-
minster, "appointed a Perpetual Commissioner
for taking the Acknowledgments of Deeds by
Married Women." Have single women, then,
no legal provision made to secure them likewise
the services of a confidential Solicitor ?

To the Postmaster-General.

Yoitr lofty " surprise " and " strong disapprobation "
Perhaps may be shared by the rest of the nation.
But for their direction,—why there, don't you see,
Opinions may differ, my curt P.M.G.
TJe-haut-en-bas airs may perchance miss the mark,
E'en when aimed so low down as a Telegraph Clerk.
Of little reforms you are deftest of planners,
Let your next be not only upon, but in, Manners !

Guardian Angels.

Five Ladies have been elected on the St. Pancras Board of Guar-
dians. At IsUngton there exists a celebrated and highly respectable
Angel, why don't they elect her on their Board, as Chairwoman, to
keep order and inculcate politeness P

"Branded," new melodrama at the Princess's. First four Acts,
Toulon; Fifth Act, Paris. The audience thought it was all too long.