Punch (80.1881)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 23, 1881.

BANKRUPTCY FOR THE
MILLION.

There was a time when the rich
had a monopoly of all the luxuries,
and the poor had to be content
with the leavings of the rich.
Many years of free-trade, liberal
government, and penny news-
papers have changed the order of
things, and now the most vene-
rated delicacies are brought within
the reach of the multitude. Early
strawberries, plovers' eggs, as-
paragus, ortolans, and green peas
are as plentiful as blackberries—
more plentiful, we are glad to say,
as we never relished blackberries ;
and 'even bankruptcy, which was
once the exclusive luxury of the
aristocratic trader, is now to be
as common as excursion trains or
fourteen shilling trousers. Mr.
Chamberlain has brought in a
Bill which proposes to give a
creditor for the paltry sum of £20
the power to issue a hat, and
which also proposes to abolish the
special protection accorded to
Members of Parliament. A debtor
who';cannot or will not pay his
tailor's bill is now to be treated
with as much consideration as a
"merchant prince," and unpaid
milk-scores are to rub shoulders
with the greatest financial swin-
dles. The blue-blood of insol-
vency ought to rise against such
insolent Radicalism, before the
Church, the House of Lords, the
Lord Chamberlain', and the
Meddlevex Magistrates are swal-
lowed up in the general vortex.

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 28.

unhealthy occupation.

The work of a Reviewer. At
the best, his condition is always
critical.

A BLESSED BABY.

"Who wants " an addition to
his domestic happiness " ? Here
is an advertisement which offers
him the means on moderate
terms:—

"The Yankee Rubber Baby.—
A Startling Is. Novelty.—Goes in the
waistcoat pocket. Blows out to life
size. Is washable, durable, and un-
breakable. Resembles life—for, like
the real article, it coos at pleasure, yet
screams awfully if smacked. Even
experienced fathers are deceived by
these laughter-producing infants, and
no home can be a really happy one
without their cheering presence. In
long white dress complete, boys or
girls, fourteen stamps ; twins, post
free, 2s.—Address, &c, &c."

Here is domestic happiness—
Smeletjngxjs observes—for child-
less husbands, and for single men.
Here is an addition, or a contri-
bution, to domestic happiness,
even better than the real thing.
The Rubber Baby makes a horrid
squeaky noise, is easily blown
out, and then goes pop,—quite a
little Poppet. What an advan-
tage to poor mothers to be able
to pop a Baby ! Tell this to the
School-Board. The Rubber Baby
is of course able to play whist
from its earliest infancy, and
has therefore a natural provision
against a melancholy old age.

LORD CARLINGFORD,

Who takes the Duke of Argyll's Poht. Fiat Justitia, ruat

Privy Ccklum 1

leicester square dialogue.

Indignant Illiterate Youth (to
a Friend). I say, look 'ere! this
'ere 's a swindle ! They caUs it
the Penny-rammer, and they arks
me a shillin' to go in. 'Ere, I say
—where 's the Per lice ?

Friend (seeing a Member of the
Force). 'Ere!

\_Exeunt both swiftly.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN ?

Ifjj&) . During the Recess we instinctively turn to the adver-
ratfii tisements in our daily papers for healthy recreation and
y^ffjf. amusement. And among the theatrical amusements
YsjSv) alone do we find that pure English, that frank candour,
^BlLX/ that ingenuous modesty which are so dear to us all.

But among the advertisements now appearing there is
/rS ■ one "which we confess puzzles us. Here it is :—

\h \3 JAMES'S THEATRE. —Notice.—In deference to a

wliiP generally expressed wish that some performances of THE

JwTv. LADY OF LYONS should be given at this theatre, the Manage-
ment begs to announce that this favourite play will be pro-
duced on EASTER MONDAY NEXT, and repeated on each alternate night
with Mr. A. W. Pinebo's successful comedy of THE MONEY-SPINNER.

What is " a generaUy expressed wish ? " In the country when we
see that " by desire of the garrison The Clergyman1 s Daughter will
be performed," we understand that some mature syren has succeeded
in making a gallant officer a greater idiot than even nature intended
him to be, When we see "by desire" in London, we know that the
Author has got hold of the Manager, and over a cigar has suggested,
" Why don't you put up that piece of mine for a bit, old man ? "
But the above advertisement fairly floors us. How is a wish gene-
rally expressed ? Does an occupant of the Gallery arise, and having
caught the Manager's eye with any missile handy, proceed, "Hi!
you there ! Just chuck that up ! We are sick to death of it. You
play the Lady of Lyons, or I'm blowed if I come here again."
Or does the proud owner of a box throw a bouquet on to the stage,
in which is artfully concealed a note, '' No more flowers for you
unless you play the Lady of Lyons." Does the Pit rise as one man,
and " generaUy express a wish " P Or do the StaUites wait at the
stage-door, and having taken forcible possession of the_ Manager,
threaten there and then to take his life unless he immediately pro-
duces the Lady of Lyons f Again we ask, How is it done ?

THAT ACROSTIC.

We hate Acrostics, and would send Across Styx the inventor of
these fearfuUy absorbing puzzles, but having undertaken to supply
the answer to the Acrostic in last week's number, we hasten to
inform the two thousand and one excited Correspondents that they are
anything but ".aU right up to now," and that the real solution is—

Heaver Spoilt.

BuS. FggfliP. AllimbO. Verdi. Ephemeral. RegreT.

But what is the object of the Acrostic device still remains, and
ever will remain, a hopeless puzzle to us.—Ed.

2nd. Note.—On second thoughts, as we do not understand any-
thing about the matter, and as, in these Nihilist days, we may pos-
sibly be the victim of some dreadful plot, we beg to state that the
correctness of the solution is not guaranteed ; but we only hope and
trust it is all right. If it isn't—" Revenge, Timotheus cries !"—
and Timothy means what he says.—Ed.

Accounted For.

"The Bey immediately despatched a Note on the subject to the Austrian
and Italian Representatives."—Foreign Correspondence.

''' The European Concert' vain ?

The discord much too soon is. .
And what's the cause ? " " Well, come, that'« plain,—

Why, this Note out of Tunis >"

the long and the short oe it.

" Back at dnco from the Cape! When I so longed to fly at it!"
" That's short service, Sir F.—and yon've had the first shy at it l.