Punch: Punch (81.1881)

July 16, 1881.]

PUNCH, OR

THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

17

back of the Speaker's Chair. It has been a terrible time,
and only shows how careful our hereditary legislators
ought to be in the dispensation of their power.

After this proceeding with the Land Bill in Committee
quite tame. Members never can settle down to ordinary
business after being wound up to this pitch of excite-
ment. Mr. Gladstone rather likes the look of the
Committee. "The more empty benches, the fewer
wagging tongues ! " he says. Mr. Chaplin resting from
his labours. Randolph also easing off a bit, though
he comes back at eleven o'clock, and expresses his in-
dignant regret at the passion displayed by the Prime
Minister for refusing permission to withdraw amend-
ments.

Home Secretary beaming. Bubbling over with
geniality of jocosity. If he had caught Lefroy with
his own hand could not have been in better humour.

Business done.—Passed five Clauses of Land Bill.

"WHO COMES FIRST?

{Revised order of Precedence, from H.R.H. Prince
Christian's own particular list.)

The Ranger of Windsor Forest.

The London General Omnibus company.

Gatekeepers of Cumberland Lodge.

Small Tradesmen of the Royal Borough.

The King of the Sandwich Islands and friend.

The Finsbury Ragged School children.

Members of the Meiningen Court Troupe.

The Chairman of the Woking Cemetery.

The Beadle of the Burlington Arcade.

Representatives of Colney Hatch and Hanwell Lunatic

Asylums.
The Piccadilly Midgets.
Knights of the Garter.
Ticket of Leave men.
Dukes in their own right.
Inhabitants of the Isle of Dogs.
Archbishops of Canterbury.
Habitual Drunkards, and
Members of the House of Commons.

Gai ! Gai ! Gai ! "

Mlle. Grantee has achieved a genuine triumph as
La Belle Lunette, and M. Jolt is immensely funny in
Offenbach's sparkling opera. The French tenor, with
the English name of Cooper, might be own brother to
our M. Maritjs of the Strand, so closely do they resemble
one another in voice. Mlle. Mily Meyer as Marcel-
line is most decidedly "chic;" but theBlanchiseuses are
not particularly " snappy,"—in fact, as to the ensemble,
it is only a short time since that our London Opera-tives
would have been their pupils ; but now on a change tout
cela, aad as far as operas-boujfes go—and they do go
quite far enough—we .manage these things better m
England,

Conscience—a Vaunt!

{Rondeau by a Robust Radical.)

Conscience rules me. That explains
My cantankerousness and crudeness,
Scorn of courtesy which restrains
Party wrath or private rudeness.
Chivalry ? A weak-knee'd fad,
Shibboleth which ne'er befools me !
Call me churl, or call me cad,
Tart, intolerant, but add—

Conscience rules me!

Fact for Farmers.

The preliminary abstract of the Census for 1881
enumerates the comparative density of the population of
the counties. Lancashire and Middlesex have each a
density of over 1,000. The great manufacturing shire
and the metropolitan county are the densest of all.
Heretofore it had been imagined that the agricultural
counties were the most remarkable for the density of
their populations, but the clodhoppers are evidently less
dense than the cotton-spinners and the cockneys.

"GROUND GAME!"

First Sports'/nan. "They 're fust-rate roasted !"

Second Ditto (getting hungry). "Ah !—oh, I say, 'Arry"—(smadkmg his lips
in anticipation)—"the Cracklin' ! ! "

A PLEA FOR PADDINGTON PARK.

Ninety acres in the heart of North West London saved from Bricks and
Mortar, and dedicated to Turf and Trees ! That is the Midsummer Day's
Dream of the projectors of Paddington Park. An excellent dream too, that
ought to be straightway realised ; or at least, made a possibility of the not
too remote future, ere it is too late, which it soon may be. The Metropolitan
Board of Works is no Puck, neither is it a Fortunatus, but it is believed that if
the Public (which when it pleases, is Puck and Fortunatus in one, with a touch
of Peabody thrown in) would subscribe £100,000 towards the £273,000 estimated
as the extreme value of the space, the Metropolitan Board of Works would
be willing to purchase the land, and so secure it for Beauty and Health and the
Public Good, against Ugliness and Sickness and the Speculative Builder.

Now then, British Public, amiable but sluggish Fortunattjs-Peabody-Peck,
here is a task that is worthy of your co-operative wealth-magic, being big,
beautiful, and beneficent. Upwards of Nineteen Thousand Pounds already
promised ! The privilege of swelling that sum readily; obtainable on application
to H. F. Pooley, Esq., 91, Portsdown Road, W. What a chance! And what
a life Mr. Pooley and his postman will have after perusal by the B.P. of its old
friend Punch's appeal! The North-West London people want a Park, a
"lung," as it is the fashion to call an open-breathing space. And the North-
West London Rough ? Well, our Parks, for all the smoothness of their swards,
are often, in a sense, made Rough-places, by sprawling, bawling, dirty, semi-
drunken, howling, and horse-playing ruffianism. " The People," clamorous for
breathing-room, must learn to keep its "lungs" clear, and make good use of
Nature's beautiful gifts and philanthropy's costly dowers. But Parks mean
prettiness, and prettiness means polish, even_ to the Rough, in the long run,
though his coarse grain may not readily take it. So, British Public (to parody
an old song),—

For to beautify North-West Babylon,
Aim subscriptions at the mark

Of pretty, pretty Pooley, Treasurer
Tor Paddington Park !

Interesting to Chiropedists.—The Corn Returns Bill cannot be passed
this Session. So, in the meantime, cut and come again.