Punch: Punch (81.1881)

July 20, 1881.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

39

TENNYSON AT BILLINGSGATE.

Take ! Take ! Take !

Oh grabber of swag from the sea,
And I shouldn't quite like to utter

The thoughts that occur to me !

Oh, ill for the fisherman poor

That he toils for a trifle all day, _
And ill for the much-diddled public

That has through the nose to pay.

And the swelling monopolist drives

To his villa at Haverstock Hill,
But it's oh for the number of poor men's lives

Food-stinted to plump his till!

Take ! Take ! Take !

Oh grabber of swag from the sea.
Rut you HI render a reckoning one of these days

To the public and Mr. P.

THE WATER FAMINE IN PARIS.

Refections of a Parisian.

We have a Water Famine.
Paris thirsts.

When Paris thirsts all the world is thirsty.

C'est terrible !

Mais c'est magnifique !

The Municipal Administration counsels one not to
waste water.
It arrives then that I do not wash myself.
N'importe !

I will cheerfully sacrifice myself for the good of my
country!

Royal Academy Holiday.

Some of the leading Royal Academicians contemplate
a yachting trip. There is some talk of purchasing, if
the owner will sell, or hiring, if the owner will let, the
well-known yacht Latona. It will be re-christened the
Sir Frederick Leightona, and then the Late Owner will
have nothing to do with it. "It's a beautiful sea
vessel," writes Mr. E. L. S-mb-bne, R.P.A., " only it
goes so Rowley."

u If-- ^

THE ANTI-SEMITIC MOVEMENT.

Distinguished Visitor (asking the Boys a few Questions in Sacred History). " Can

you tell me about the plagues of egypt? now what were they?"

Small Boy (promptly). "Jews, Sir!

DIPLOMACY IN THE DOG-DAYS.

France to Germany.—Dearest B-sm-eck, how funny, to be
sure, it seems to be addressing you in terms of endearment!
Suppose I shall get used to it in time! How about Tripoli ?
You don't object to me annexing it, do you ? It doesn't matter a
straw about England—but how about Russia, eh?

Germany to France.—Go it, my boy ! Annex the Great Sahara,
if you like. Quite right, who cares about England ? Russia says
she feels bound—ahem!—to respect independence and integrity of
Ottoman Empire, but still you need fear no stupid opposition
from her at Tripoli. Can she do a revolt in Roumelia for you, to
keep Sultan quiet?

France to Germany.—A thousand thanks, mm cher ami.' M.
Roustan ordered to pick a quarrel with Tripoli at once. Troops all
ready. How can we ever repay you ?

Germany to France.—Well, of course you'll let us take Belgium,
won't you ? And give us written promise not to interfere with
Elsass and Lothringen again, eh ?

France to Germany.—Elsass ! Lothringen! Don't know such
places. Promise not to interfere ! Belgium to be yours ! A
thousand furies! Pardon me, 'tis the hot weather; but we must
stop this correspondence at once. Gambetta. agrees. Troops for
Tripoli countermanded. Orders to wait on Alsatian frontier instead.
Have just made offensive and defensive alliance with England.
What do you say now ? Yile beer-swilling Teuton ! Yandal!
Goth!

Germany to France.- Sorry to discompose you, but don't you wish
you may get Elsass back again ? Alliance with England ! Why,
we've got one too—made by Lord S-l-sb-ey when he was at Berlin.'
Where are you now, eh ? Frog-eater !

Austria to Russia.—So glad to hear that you've determined to
snub England. How about her fleet, though ? Well, never mind.
How about Italy, too ? Never mind, again. Shall we take Bulgaria
and Salonica at once, or wait a few months ?

Russia to Austria.—Our entente cordiale delightful! Such a sell

for England ! Germany quite approves. What was that you said
about Bulgaria and Salonica ?

Austria to Russia.—Why, naturally we want a good slice of
Turkey ! You can have Constantinople, you know—that is, if you
can get it, of course.

Russia to Austria.—Salonica yours ! _ Bulgaria, too ! Never !
That'« what you've been aiming at, is it ? Let me tell you, we've
just completed alliance with England and Germany against you!
Feel rather out of it now, eh ? Yile Teuton-Magyar-Czech-Croat
Mixture ! Army-corps ordered to your frontier.

Austria to Russia.—Slav villain ! Alliance with England and
Germany against us ! Why, we've got private letter from Lord
S-l-sb-ey, actually inviting us to walk into Salonica. We'll do it
now. Germany is only deceiving you. We've got alliance with her,
too. Where are you now, eh ? You can stew in your own bear's-
grease, Muscovite tricksters! Troops ordered to meet yours at
frontier. Au revoir !

TnE WAY WE DANCE NOW.
(From the Ball-Boom Conversation Book—latest Knightsbridge Edition.)

I will never believe the Duchess paid only £10,000 for these
flowers.

The refreshments are certainly excellent, but I am sorry to hear
the Earl has had to cut off the entail.

Pretty idea that to give you a live-pound note for a hat-ticket.

Surely that is the man in possession waltzing with the hostess !

Considering the success of the fete, I think it would be a great
mistake were the Duke to finish by blowing his brains out.

I am not surprised to hear that every one of the couples standing
up for this quadrille have had to put down their carriages.

The recollection of such a charming cotillon cannot fail to console
the Baronet in the Bankruptcy Court.

There,—come into supper, and never mind the mortgagee.

Yes, it's a fact; this entertainment has cost the subscribing hosts
only a hundred and sixty guineas a-piece.