Punch: Punch (100.1891)

June 13, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

287

THE BUSMEN'S ALPHABET.

A is the Ache which the Drivers delay.

B is the Bus, which they're chained to all day.

C 's the poor Cad who is sick of his trade.

D is the Dividend that must be paid.

E 's the day's End, which finds him dead-beat.

F is the Food he has no time to eat.

G is his Good, for which nobody cares.

H is the Horse who so much better fares.

I 's the Increase in his pay that he waits,

J 's the fine Jump he'll soon take with his mates.

K is the Knife-board, which funds should provide.

L are the Ladies, who now go outside.

M is the Money that's earned every day.

N the New lines, that they start, and make pay.

0 Opposition, they speedily chase.

P is the Public that fills every place.

Q is the Question, that hints at Reform.

Pt the fi,eply, that soon raises a storm.

S the Shareholder, blind in his greed.

T is the Tension which he'd better heed.

U 's the Upset he won't certainly like.

V 's the Vigorous Vengeance of strike.

W Wisdom that comes somewhat late.

X Express Action which may avert Fate!

y, Tell triumphal, the men win the day.

Z —" Zounds ! " which is all Directors can say.

BENDIGO.

[A. Monument to Bendigo, the famous prize-fighter, has been
lattly erected at Nottingham.]

Oil Prize-fighter soliloquises: —

If ever to the " Pelican" alone or with a friend I go,
I sigh for men of muscle who could fight a fight like

Bendigo. [chattering,
He didn't fight in feather-beds, or spend his days in
But faced his man, and battered him, or took hisfoeman's

battering. [all;

He didn't deal in gas, or waste his time in mere retort at
But now the '"pugs" are interviewed, and journalists

report it all.

A man may call it what he will, brutality or bravery,
I'd rather have the prize-ring back than give a purse to

knavery. [in allotting 'em ;

Knaves fight for points, the audience shouts and wrangles
i hate their fancy-work, I'm off to take the train to

Nottingham. [mend, I go

I like a Man ; though modern men and modern manners
To drop a last regretful tear o'er poor departed Bendigo.

GENTLE SARCASM.

"Yeesir; I gits 'Ome from my last Journey at Midnight,—an' then
I 'as the rest of the Hevenin' to Mtself I"

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, Jane 1.—House of Commons, as
usual at tbis time of Session, driven against wall in its struggles
with appointed work. With brief recesses, been at work since
November last. One thing everyone insists on is that Prorogation
shall take place at end of July. Difficult to see how even by most
masterly management that can be accomplished. Apart from Educa-
tion Bill, enough work in hand, if Supply be fairly dealt with, to
carry us on to last week in July. Every moment precious; every
quarter of an hour lost an irretrievable misfortune.

Accordingly, to-day, meeting in the freshness and vigour of new
week, House takes up a local Bill dealing with pilotage in Bristol
Channel. Two or three Members talk about it for hour and a half.
House neither knowing nor caring anything on subject, empties;
Divifcion bell sounds through all the rooms and corridors. How is a man
to vote when the question abruptly submitted is, '' That the Pilotage
Pro-visional Orders No. 1 Bill be now read a Second Time ? " Still,
it's as well to vote, as it runs up average attendance on Divisions, at
which at election times constituents sometimes glance. Fortunately,
in this case, Michael Beach, as one of Members for Bristol, took
part in Debate and Division. As usef ul this as sign-post to belated
traveller at four cross-roads. Conservatives and Liberals crowded at
Bar keep their eye on President of Board of Trade, watching which
way he would go. He led the way into the " Aye" lobby. Thither
followed him all the Conservatives, all the Liberals trooping into the
"No" lobby. "When Noses were counted, it was found that 165
voted " Aye," 119 "No." And thus it came to pass that the Pilotage
Provisional Order No. 1 Bill was read a Second Time.

One gathered from chance expressions, and especially from the
interest taken in the affair by Members for City of Bristol, that

Bristol had special interest in the Bill. In addition to Michael
Beach's support, Weston on Liberal side, Hill on Conservative
Benches, supported Second Reading. Sinking political differences,
Member for East Bristol, and Member for South Bristol, agreed upon
plan of campaign.

" You, Weston," said Colonel Hilt., who, having obtained his mili-

will roar at them as if a stout North-Easter were blowing through
the lanyards of our first battalion, deployed in open order."

Tactics succeeded admirably. Sir Joseph Weston, a mild, alder-
manic person, presented himEelf from quarter behind Front Opposi-
tion Bench, and, to all appearances, delivered an admirable address.
His lips moved, his right hand marked the rhythm of his ordered
speech; now his eyes flashed in reprobation, and anon smiled
approval. But not a sound, save a soft murmur, as of distant
dripping waterfall, was heard. L'Enfant Prodigue wasn't in
it for successful pantomime.

When the movement stopped, and the Alderman was discovered to
be sitting down, the martial-nautical Hill sprang up from Bench
on other side, and the stillness was broken by a rasping voice, that
woke Dicky Temple out of his early slumber. The strategy,
cleverly conceived, was admirably carried out, and Bristol, thanks
to diversified talent of its Members, got its Bill. Only it seemed
a pity that an hour and a half of precious public time should inci-
dentally have been appropriated.

Business done.—Irish Land Bill in report stage.

Tuesday.—House of Lords the scene of a thrilling performance to-
night. Usually meets for business at half-past four. On Tuesdays, in
order to give Noble Lords opportunity for preparing for exhaustive
labours, public business does not commence till half-past five.