Punch (30.1856)

08 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 16, 1856;

TURP, QUATERQUE BEATUS.
Sir Hamilton Sey-
mour, our new am-
bassador at Vienna,
lias already dis-
played there some
of the perseverance
which made him so
offensive to Nicho-
las and Aberdeen
« hen he was at St.
Petersburg. He has
failly bored ihe Aus-
trians into saving
the life of Colonel
Tiirr. Sir Hamil-
ton is stated "rarely
to have had an in-
terview with Count
Buol, without re-
minding him of a
promise to intercede
for this unlucky de-
serter." The lat'er
is pardoned, in con-
sideration of the fact
that he has worn
the English uniform.
The circumstances
and conditions of
I he nardon justify
the Virgilian motto
Mr. Punch prefixes
to this record: First,
The Colonel's life
58 spared. Secondly,
He is to quit Aus-
tria. Thirdly, He
is never to return
to it. And in addition to all this good luck, Fourthly— quaterque—he has the
honour of being congratulated by Mr. Punch on his escape from the bloodthirsty
savages of Austrian generals, who "insisted strongly on his being put to death."
" Felix Turr, et amplius."


A CHIEF JUSTICE TERRIFIED.
We should not have suspected Lord Campbell c-f
nervousness, or of being frightened at a trifle, if we had
not read in a recent report of a trial his assertion, that " he
had been really alarmed at an expression that fell from the
lips of a juryman." The bugbear that had struck such
terror into the heart, and had played such mischief with the
pluck of the C. J. of the Q. B. was nothing more nor less
than an exclamation from a juryman that "he did not think
much of a puffing advertisement." There had been an
action between two bikers, one of whom had bought a
business which the other had advertised as "doing six
sacks a-week," when it had only "done four," and upou
one of the jurymen saying he laid little stress on an
advertisement, Lord Campbell declared himself "alarmed"
at the avowal. Surely his lordship has never had the
simplicity to believe in all the wonderful cures of quack
medicines, or the miraculous effect of hair-dyes; nor can he
lor a moment have supposed that if he had rubbed in a few
bo'tles of anybody's Elixir into his almost bald head, he
would have come out with a crop equal in luxuriance to the
"real gentleman's head of bair—no parting visible"—in
a week or two. At the risk of frightening his lordship out
of his wits by exciting further alarm, we cannot help
avowing that we also do not attach much importance to the
statements made in Newspaper advertisements.

Something in a Name ?
A Very little while ago Patrick: Mac Muephy—for
private reasons of his own—quitted Ireland for London. It
was necessary for Patrick to change his name. By a lucky
accident he took that of Elliott ; when, to his astonishment,
but we thit k not to the astonishment of our readers, he
found himsel' the very next day appointed to a place—and
a good one, too,—under Government!

the morning S reflection.
Old Gentleman {mumbling over his breakfast). "One of the
drawbacks of this abominable spread of Education is, that
your Servant, since the confounded fellow has learnt to
read, insists unon looking at the Newspaper before you do \
Bother your Civilisation, say I! "

IN THE MATTER OF TWO HALF-CROWNS. Ia^ P^' G^es's station. Twirled into a stone cell, she is not kepe
waiting, for a searcher is in immediate attendance. The outrage is

Mr. Punch to Messrs. Sowebby and Tatham, Linendrapers,
Regent-Circus.
Gentlemen,—Believe me, I have read of your late trial with an
emotion so strong that, like an agitated cuttle-fish, my feelings must
come out in ink ; I consider you not only ill-used men, looking upon
you as members of the human family, but as outraged linendrapers,
considering you in the impure gas-light of shopkeepers.
A young gentlewoman of handsome face, and frank, ingenuous
oearing, enters your shop—repository is, I believe, a more courteous
phrase—on a certain dark, dank night in October. The gentlewoman
makes a purchase ; tenders two half-crowns, which the cashier—a man,
do doubt, of aquiline quickness of eye, of weasel-like delicacy of ear,
for the false aDpearances and the flat ring of bad money—declares to be
bad! Well, if the opinion of a cashier in a shop of Metropolitan mag-
nitude is in a matter of money to be questioned, there is an end, as
Mr. Punch considers, to all retail business. I have the greatest faith
in the infallibility of cashiers in general. I am sure of it, there is
hardly one of the gifted body who could not tell how much copper was
in Hiero's crown, by merely smelling at the rim of the diadem. Well,
on the authority of the cashier a policeman is, singularly enough, ob-
tained, and the astounded young gentlewoman is given into his safe
keeping; and, tightly gripped by the wrist, is taken through the streets
to St. Giles's station-house, a circling crowd, with running comments
and side-notes attending. 1 leave the culprit on her way.
Gentlemen,—Your cashier is a man of considerable powers of deci-
sion. Cherish that man. True it is—the young gentlewoman gave her
own address. Further, she gave the address of the lady in whose
employment she worked milliner's-work. Further still, she gave the
address of her sister Olivia—(she dwelt no wider away than George
Street, Hanover Square)—supplicating in her amazement and terror at
the charge, that her sister might be sent for. The cashier was deaf
to all this raving. All entreaties fell upon his practised ear like so
many pocket-pieces : he, at once, detected their falsehood, and firmly
bade the policeman secure his charge.
Well, by this time, Ellejj Greaves has arrived, with tag-rag escort,

completed: the gentlewoman being stript for further discovery of coun-
terfeit coin; of course, she having brought just as much base money
into the station-house as new-born babies (even heirs of peerages) bring
with them into the world of lawful coin.
Well, Gentlemen, it is very odd—very perplexing. How could the
cashier have been mistaken ? The two half-crowns, a little dimmed
only by contact of quicksilver, are absolutely lawful, current metal!
Messrs. Sowerby and Tatham,—I, Punch, honour the emotion that
induced you to apologise in the wide-world columns of the Times, in the
thread-paper columns of the Post—apologise to the terrified, outraged
young gentlewoman, whose wounded feelings you were further willing
to stanch with a £5-note. What, then ? Women, even the most gentle
women, are now and then wayward, and flighty as rose-buds in a high
wind. Five pounds were refused, though offered not so very long after
notice of action had been served; when your magnanimity rose to ten
pounds, and this must have been, in the language of your profession, at
an alarming sacrifice of feeling, or of something. The ten pounds beins;
rejected, of course, Messrs. Sowerby and Tatham, nothing remained
to you but to throw yourselves upon twelve jurymen. You did so.
The trial came on; and, as a fearless censor of public men, I cannot
sufficiently condemn the licenca of the Bench, that permitted Lord
Campbell to indulge in very illiberal remarks, reflecting upon the
house of Sowerby and Tatham. Lord Campbell, evidently to poison
i he minds of the jury, took the trouble to express himself in these very
bitter words:
" He thought the defendants had conducted themselves very harshly and incon-
siderately. The appearance of this young woman spoke for itself; he might say she
brought a letter of recommendation with her. Never since he was a judge, or at the
bar, had he seen a witness whose conduct in the box was more unexceptionable."
Now this may be very well for Lord Campbell, who no doubt is
very learned in the letter of the law; but if he knew anything of life—
especially of life behind the London counter—he would know that, for
the most part, tradesmen cannot read; that is, they cannot read letters
written by nature and habit in human faces. Whether it is, that too
close an application to figures and ledger-lines blunt the finer powers,
otherwise perceptive, both of God's writing in faces of beauty and