DOI Heft:
March 8, 1856
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16617#0105
March 8. 1856.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 97
have a month at the treadmill, instead of being allowed to go about
and expose himself, and impose on the public in this way.
Enter Foxey {with a stand, containing a box labelled " Grand Commis-
sion Renovator" some trinkets, medals, soft brushes, and the usual
stock-in-trade of a vendor of street detergents).
Foxey. Now, my Noblemen, Gentlemen, and British Public—Here I
am, from over the way—Sole Pro-p-e-rietor of " The Grand, General.
Military Henovator," or " New Commission Detergent." It, is none of
your two-penny-half-penny catch-penny compositions of rouge, plate-
powder, salts-o'-lemon, soft-sawder, and rotten stone; but an article of
my own in-vention, prepared from a family receipt, and used with the
'ighest success by theNo-bility in genet al, and the militaryHa-ris-tocracy
in particular. One application removes any grease-stain, ink-stain,
dirt-stain, mud-spot, mould, or lungus. It will make an old coat as
good a3 new, and restore the gloss to any garment, how-ever thread
A HOSPITAL FOE INCURABLES.
When we announce that a Hospital for Incurables is in course of
establishment, we shall perhaps be supposed to mean under that name
a refuge for incorrigible Redtapists and inveterate Martinets. They,
however, are in no want of a refuge, being too well cared for, having
the snuggest retirements provided for their incapacity, wherein they
can repose in the enjoyment of the honours and rewards which they
have received, and safe from the indignation which they have merited.
They have their Orders of the Bath ; but no bath or any other comfort
can be ordered for too many other incurables.
.No; the institution to which we advert is an actual hospital for
incurable patients, that is to say, patients pronounced incurable, which
is not always the same thing with being so: as it will be one of the
objects of this charity to prove. The title thereof is " The Roval Hos-
bare. I call it " The General Renovator." It is warranted by several P1,a!,for the Permanent Care and Comfort of those who by Disease,
general officers, and is recommended by many Com-manders in the A?CIdent> or Deformity, are Hopelessly Disqualified for the Duties of
Crimea, whose uniforms suffered so much last winter. It is applied ou ; -^iS*
a little paper, and any old woman may use it with Der-fect safety-and ! Iw unfortunate persons m question, discharged from the London
brilliant effect. Come here, my lad,- {Catches hold o/Dick the Airey- ( Hospitals, are computed to amount to about six thousand annually
sneak, and brings him forward})—Now, here 's a dirty little boy— On
serve the de-plorable coLditiou of this boy's coat—y u can't ttll it's
a uniform coat—but I can detect the original scarlet—Observe this lot
For so many of them as belong to the class pauper, the workhouse is
provided. For the rest, by education, association, habits, cot:duct,
howsoever highly elevated above the pauper class, there is proviced no
of ink-spots on the right side. j °ther asylum than the workhouse. Some other asylum than that penal
Dick {whiningly). It was two gents spurted on me the other day— ! receptacle of improvidence, idleness, and affliction,' will be afforded, to
and giv' me no end o' bad language—and said as 'ow I desarved it. i the afflicted only, by the proposed Hospital.
Foxey. Quite right, my duty little boy. Observe—I take a cake of i 1ms Royal Hospital is surely a concern which all those persons who
" The Grand Universal Commission Detergent," I spread it ou a piece
of foolscap paper. I apply it to these here dis-gusting ink-stains—I
rub them gently—there is no deception—any gent is at liberty to in-
spect the process—the ink-spots have disappeared—and the original
scarlet of the coat appears again, as bright as ever1
have plenty of money and any benevolence will be delighted to hear of.
fhe announcement of it, indeed, will gratify everybody who has the
least benevolence and any money to spare. It is unnecessary to hint
at the security, as Swift said, on which any sum contributed in aid of
such a speculation will be lent. For a better idea of the value of the
Alick {admiringly). Oil Crikey! Ain't it stunning! H-re—Mister— investment than can be communicated here, the reader is referred to the
try my trowsers— {Comes forward. I published Appeal in behalf of the undertaking; of which v»e subjoin
Foxey. All right—come forward, young'un. Ob-setve this unfor- j the conclusion :—
tunate boy's unmentionables. His father Ought 10 be ashamed Of " Of maDy, alas ! it is proudly said that they died worth thousand*: of whom, it
himself to send out the lad in such a pair: Gordon-tart an, as you see, l may be feared>if translated into the language of Heaven, it woutd be said that thou-
p ,i * s&nds died from the want of what they possessed, but IIad not the heart to
Uentiemen. I use, for theik perishing brethren."
Alick. Father comes from Aberdeen, Sir, but he's out o' place now, I AT , . , „ , . . , . ,
and I'm forced to get my own livin', Sir. ftNoJ> di'm& worth thousands of pounds merely, is dying worth notning
Foxey. A melancholy case of destitution and dirt-now here's a alter AathTat eas* wo*th n0 ™or? than your «^«« may be negotiable
place.-Whatever has the boy been a-sitting in ?-Here's a most extra- fo,rat the schools of anatomy. But if you die worth thousands of lives
ordinary com-bination of grease-spots, ink-spots, mud-spots, and I don't j which you have afforded the means of saving, you depart this life worth
know what spots besides-I apply the Detergent-s-and still, my lad- ; something and may hope to find yourself in possession of capital with
I won't hurtvou-and you behold the pattern of the Gordon-tartan , which to begin the world before you.
comes out again in all its pri.-tine loveliness-now, cut away home, L.f f 0fflce at Poultr>" Chambers, 11, Poultry; not at 8o, Fleet
my chy-ild, and tell your father be ought to be ashamed of himself, and [ ree ■___________ ___ __
of you too.
Alick. Ob, Father don't mind dirt, bless you ! ^ g I'ORY OF A CHEESE
[Exit, trying to catch a glimpse of the renovated portion of his
unmentionables. ! Tomkins, wi'i; determined eye, considered a certain cheese; a
The Hero {who has been obliged to shut up for want of an audience, cheese, ripe and palpitating with animal life; in fact, a lovely bit of
Aside). I don't think my cherry-coloured kicksies would be the worse compact corruption. Iomkins strikes with his knife, when lo !—
for a tick of that stuff. ' {Aloud.) Here, old 'un, hand us over a packet. ille smallest mite becomes the bigge t musquito, and threatens the
Look-on. Will the Detergent act on my coat, do you think ? eyes and nose and cheeks i f i omkins. He lays down the bate,
Foxey {handing over packets). Will a d'uck swim ? Two applications saying, Lo ! the mitts in defence of the corruption of the cheese have
will turn vou out like a Regent Stieet swell, fresh from Moses's, my become musquitoes, and so are too much even tor Tomkins !
old buck!" Gentle reader, and no less gentle moralist,—such was the late or the
Old Gentleman {in Field-Marshal'a uniform at a window of the Horse- Port Dues Bill. Palmkkston counted upon mites, and he found mus-
Guards). Most extraordinary stuff, that—satis<adorv, very satisfactory !. quitos Mites might have been managed, but the unanimity of the
Cleans 'em all. Couldn't have believed it! Gad, I'll lay in a s'ock of musquitoes was too much even for the Bottle-holder,
it! It may come useful any time. We've a deal of cleaning to do
in here. TIere, my man—step this way, will you?
[Foxey winks to the spectators, shoulders his stand, and is going into
the Horse-Guards. TlIAT aU lhe honours we »ve best ow'd
{The Blind Fiddler emerges from the sewer in an awful state of dirt.) ' On Alrey were but justly owed,
Blind Fiddler. Oh dear ! oh dear! Here's a pickle ! {To Foxey.) If he's not guilty, we'll agree :
I say, couldn't you give us a lick u your cleaning stuff, Master ? If otherwise, then let the laws
Foxey {contemptuously). What! Me bemean myself to polish up a Be stern and just, nor leave him cause
Blind Fiddler ! Not if 1 knows it! I only renovates the qualry. Go For empty pride in case he be (K. C. B.)
AN AIREY-PENSEE.
{Exit Foxey into Horse-Guards. The Blind Fiddler retires
crest-fallen. Scene closes.
A Fall in the Peerage
We see advertised " Hardwicke's Peerage for One Shilling" Can
ibis be—and we ask in fear and trembling—the noble Earl Hard-
wicke, who spoke the other eveniug so pluckily about the Crimean
decorations? and what, we wonder, can be the reasons, public Or
private, that have induced the gallant Earl to part with his Peerage for
the extremely low price of One Shilling? We refer the painful question
to the "Committee of Privileges."
St. Patrick to the Rescue
It is written from Cincinnati that " in the event of a war between
England and the United States, 160,000 Irish-American bayonets were
promised." Now, even heretical Punch has faith in the powers of
St. Patrick. The Saint, having expelled all venomous reptiles from
Ireland, is too much of a gentleman to permit their return.
fellow feeling.
The new law of partnership will at least find t wo zealous supporters
in the House of Lords. Surely, the Earls of Luc an and Cardigan
will be most strenuous advocates of the principle of Limited Liability.
Vol. 30.
4
have a month at the treadmill, instead of being allowed to go about
and expose himself, and impose on the public in this way.
Enter Foxey {with a stand, containing a box labelled " Grand Commis-
sion Renovator" some trinkets, medals, soft brushes, and the usual
stock-in-trade of a vendor of street detergents).
Foxey. Now, my Noblemen, Gentlemen, and British Public—Here I
am, from over the way—Sole Pro-p-e-rietor of " The Grand, General.
Military Henovator," or " New Commission Detergent." It, is none of
your two-penny-half-penny catch-penny compositions of rouge, plate-
powder, salts-o'-lemon, soft-sawder, and rotten stone; but an article of
my own in-vention, prepared from a family receipt, and used with the
'ighest success by theNo-bility in genet al, and the militaryHa-ris-tocracy
in particular. One application removes any grease-stain, ink-stain,
dirt-stain, mud-spot, mould, or lungus. It will make an old coat as
good a3 new, and restore the gloss to any garment, how-ever thread
A HOSPITAL FOE INCURABLES.
When we announce that a Hospital for Incurables is in course of
establishment, we shall perhaps be supposed to mean under that name
a refuge for incorrigible Redtapists and inveterate Martinets. They,
however, are in no want of a refuge, being too well cared for, having
the snuggest retirements provided for their incapacity, wherein they
can repose in the enjoyment of the honours and rewards which they
have received, and safe from the indignation which they have merited.
They have their Orders of the Bath ; but no bath or any other comfort
can be ordered for too many other incurables.
.No; the institution to which we advert is an actual hospital for
incurable patients, that is to say, patients pronounced incurable, which
is not always the same thing with being so: as it will be one of the
objects of this charity to prove. The title thereof is " The Roval Hos-
bare. I call it " The General Renovator." It is warranted by several P1,a!,for the Permanent Care and Comfort of those who by Disease,
general officers, and is recommended by many Com-manders in the A?CIdent> or Deformity, are Hopelessly Disqualified for the Duties of
Crimea, whose uniforms suffered so much last winter. It is applied ou ; -^iS*
a little paper, and any old woman may use it with Der-fect safety-and ! Iw unfortunate persons m question, discharged from the London
brilliant effect. Come here, my lad,- {Catches hold o/Dick the Airey- ( Hospitals, are computed to amount to about six thousand annually
sneak, and brings him forward})—Now, here 's a dirty little boy— On
serve the de-plorable coLditiou of this boy's coat—y u can't ttll it's
a uniform coat—but I can detect the original scarlet—Observe this lot
For so many of them as belong to the class pauper, the workhouse is
provided. For the rest, by education, association, habits, cot:duct,
howsoever highly elevated above the pauper class, there is proviced no
of ink-spots on the right side. j °ther asylum than the workhouse. Some other asylum than that penal
Dick {whiningly). It was two gents spurted on me the other day— ! receptacle of improvidence, idleness, and affliction,' will be afforded, to
and giv' me no end o' bad language—and said as 'ow I desarved it. i the afflicted only, by the proposed Hospital.
Foxey. Quite right, my duty little boy. Observe—I take a cake of i 1ms Royal Hospital is surely a concern which all those persons who
" The Grand Universal Commission Detergent," I spread it ou a piece
of foolscap paper. I apply it to these here dis-gusting ink-stains—I
rub them gently—there is no deception—any gent is at liberty to in-
spect the process—the ink-spots have disappeared—and the original
scarlet of the coat appears again, as bright as ever1
have plenty of money and any benevolence will be delighted to hear of.
fhe announcement of it, indeed, will gratify everybody who has the
least benevolence and any money to spare. It is unnecessary to hint
at the security, as Swift said, on which any sum contributed in aid of
such a speculation will be lent. For a better idea of the value of the
Alick {admiringly). Oil Crikey! Ain't it stunning! H-re—Mister— investment than can be communicated here, the reader is referred to the
try my trowsers— {Comes forward. I published Appeal in behalf of the undertaking; of which v»e subjoin
Foxey. All right—come forward, young'un. Ob-setve this unfor- j the conclusion :—
tunate boy's unmentionables. His father Ought 10 be ashamed Of " Of maDy, alas ! it is proudly said that they died worth thousand*: of whom, it
himself to send out the lad in such a pair: Gordon-tart an, as you see, l may be feared>if translated into the language of Heaven, it woutd be said that thou-
p ,i * s&nds died from the want of what they possessed, but IIad not the heart to
Uentiemen. I use, for theik perishing brethren."
Alick. Father comes from Aberdeen, Sir, but he's out o' place now, I AT , . , „ , . . , . ,
and I'm forced to get my own livin', Sir. ftNoJ> di'm& worth thousands of pounds merely, is dying worth notning
Foxey. A melancholy case of destitution and dirt-now here's a alter AathTat eas* wo*th n0 ™or? than your «^«« may be negotiable
place.-Whatever has the boy been a-sitting in ?-Here's a most extra- fo,rat the schools of anatomy. But if you die worth thousands of lives
ordinary com-bination of grease-spots, ink-spots, mud-spots, and I don't j which you have afforded the means of saving, you depart this life worth
know what spots besides-I apply the Detergent-s-and still, my lad- ; something and may hope to find yourself in possession of capital with
I won't hurtvou-and you behold the pattern of the Gordon-tartan , which to begin the world before you.
comes out again in all its pri.-tine loveliness-now, cut away home, L.f f 0fflce at Poultr>" Chambers, 11, Poultry; not at 8o, Fleet
my chy-ild, and tell your father be ought to be ashamed of himself, and [ ree ■___________ ___ __
of you too.
Alick. Ob, Father don't mind dirt, bless you ! ^ g I'ORY OF A CHEESE
[Exit, trying to catch a glimpse of the renovated portion of his
unmentionables. ! Tomkins, wi'i; determined eye, considered a certain cheese; a
The Hero {who has been obliged to shut up for want of an audience, cheese, ripe and palpitating with animal life; in fact, a lovely bit of
Aside). I don't think my cherry-coloured kicksies would be the worse compact corruption. Iomkins strikes with his knife, when lo !—
for a tick of that stuff. ' {Aloud.) Here, old 'un, hand us over a packet. ille smallest mite becomes the bigge t musquito, and threatens the
Look-on. Will the Detergent act on my coat, do you think ? eyes and nose and cheeks i f i omkins. He lays down the bate,
Foxey {handing over packets). Will a d'uck swim ? Two applications saying, Lo ! the mitts in defence of the corruption of the cheese have
will turn vou out like a Regent Stieet swell, fresh from Moses's, my become musquitoes, and so are too much even tor Tomkins !
old buck!" Gentle reader, and no less gentle moralist,—such was the late or the
Old Gentleman {in Field-Marshal'a uniform at a window of the Horse- Port Dues Bill. Palmkkston counted upon mites, and he found mus-
Guards). Most extraordinary stuff, that—satis<adorv, very satisfactory !. quitos Mites might have been managed, but the unanimity of the
Cleans 'em all. Couldn't have believed it! Gad, I'll lay in a s'ock of musquitoes was too much even for the Bottle-holder,
it! It may come useful any time. We've a deal of cleaning to do
in here. TIere, my man—step this way, will you?
[Foxey winks to the spectators, shoulders his stand, and is going into
the Horse-Guards. TlIAT aU lhe honours we »ve best ow'd
{The Blind Fiddler emerges from the sewer in an awful state of dirt.) ' On Alrey were but justly owed,
Blind Fiddler. Oh dear ! oh dear! Here's a pickle ! {To Foxey.) If he's not guilty, we'll agree :
I say, couldn't you give us a lick u your cleaning stuff, Master ? If otherwise, then let the laws
Foxey {contemptuously). What! Me bemean myself to polish up a Be stern and just, nor leave him cause
Blind Fiddler ! Not if 1 knows it! I only renovates the qualry. Go For empty pride in case he be (K. C. B.)
AN AIREY-PENSEE.
{Exit Foxey into Horse-Guards. The Blind Fiddler retires
crest-fallen. Scene closes.
A Fall in the Peerage
We see advertised " Hardwicke's Peerage for One Shilling" Can
ibis be—and we ask in fear and trembling—the noble Earl Hard-
wicke, who spoke the other eveniug so pluckily about the Crimean
decorations? and what, we wonder, can be the reasons, public Or
private, that have induced the gallant Earl to part with his Peerage for
the extremely low price of One Shilling? We refer the painful question
to the "Committee of Privileges."
St. Patrick to the Rescue
It is written from Cincinnati that " in the event of a war between
England and the United States, 160,000 Irish-American bayonets were
promised." Now, even heretical Punch has faith in the powers of
St. Patrick. The Saint, having expelled all venomous reptiles from
Ireland, is too much of a gentleman to permit their return.
fellow feeling.
The new law of partnership will at least find t wo zealous supporters
in the House of Lords. Surely, the Earls of Luc an and Cardigan
will be most strenuous advocates of the principle of Limited Liability.
Vol. 30.
4