Punch (30.1856)

March 29, 1856,]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

127

MY SISTER-IN-LAW.


And if he carries his point—that, Earl—
Why, 1 might marry my Sister-in-Law ?
When my late lamented Mbs. John Brown
Invited j ou to reside with us.
You took up your quarters at Camden Towd,
Without an a'om of bother or fuss.
You taught my children, you aired my Times,
Yon fed my wi'e's infernal macaw,
And even my crabby old uncle Ghrimes
Had a word of praise for my Sister-in-Law.
When Sarah sulked, (which was once or twice)
And paid small heed to her dress or hair,
At breakfast you, with your braids so nice,
Of my toast and coffee took cheerful care.
And when that excellent woman gave way,
To what Ghrimes so vulgarly called her jaw,
Yon interposed, to obtain fair play
For the scolded husband, my Sister-in-Law.
If 1 brought home a nicture or book,
And Sarah scoffed, or upbraided " waste,"
A far more lady-like view you took,
And praised the cheapness, and praised the tast
And when I took you both to the play,
'Twas a piece you liked, and how well you saw,
While she nagged on in a murmuring way,
Unlike to your's, my Sister-in-Law.

Y Sister-in-Law,
they're trying
again
The Consangui-
nity Table to
flaw,
And Lord St.
Germans de-
clares it's plain
That men should
marry their
Sisters-in-Law.
Now what say
you, for a
sweeter girl
As bridesmaid
never a bride-
groom saw,

A PIPING-HOT NOVELTY.
There is no end to musical phenomena; and indeed, there seems
to be nothing out of which music may not be extracted by the hand—
or the mouth—of genius. We recollect the Reck Harmonicon, which
consisted of a series of stones, from which melody was extracted by
means of a mallet; and thus music was literally hammered out of a
most unpromising material. Most of us remember a gentleman who
used to perform on his own chin, which was made to give out
musical sounds, when assaulted with considerable violence. But if the
individual alluded to may be said to have beaten himself, he is now
beaten again by Picco, the blind Sardinian shepherd, who plays the
most difficult pieces of music on a penny whistle. After what we have
heard, we shall not be surprised to find the kitchen poker superseding
the flute, and the harp displaced by the gridiron.
We have no doubt that if a musician with the natural genius of
Picco had been cast on a desert island with nothing in his pocket but
a silk handkerchief, he would have learned to use it in such a manner
that he would have been found blowing hi3 nose in A flat, and per-
forming elaborate overtures, with startling variations, on an ordinary
mouchoir. Some of Picco's patrons are confident that, he would be
equally successful with anything else he took in hand; and we would
venture to suggest that a greater breadth might be obtained if he were
to adopt the boot-jack as his instrument. We have heard some pretty
musical effects produced on the comb; but we fully believe that the
hair-brush in Picco's mouth, would afford a treat of no common order,

INCORRECT ALLEY-GATION

We have reason to think that our friend Mr. Bockstone had not
been put in possession of all the facts of the case, when he stated (and
so far with his usual accuracy), that the Exeter Hall Directors refused
to allow the " objectionable " verse of Sally in our Alley—the verse
describing the singer's enjoyment of Sunday—to be sung in that con-
secrated concert room. We are apprised that they sent word that they
would offer no objection, provided the verse were given with the fol-
lowing alterations, from the pen of the Reverend Howling Blazes,
of Clapham :—
" Of all the days that's in the week,
I 'umbly love but one day,
To which I give a Jewish name,
But heathens call a Sunday;
For then between three seimon-times,
I sit in my dark alley,
And think upon the wickedness
Of this here worldly walley."

But this adaptation of an English song to the views and principles of
the un-English Sabbatarians was not deemed a desiiable thing to offer
When we gave a party, you kindly danced ,to an audience> aBd s0 Dibdin was left un-Claphami.ed.
With any client I wished to please,
Though my late lamented had scarcely glanced
At folks who paid me enormous fees.
And then that row—and the bonnet blue—
And the scandal spread by old Mother Shaw,
How stoutly you declared it untrue,
(As indeed it was) my Sister-in-Law.

You wrote my letters, you paid my bills,
And took receipts (which you never lost)
I smoked—you twisted the nicest spills,
And you always knew what the coals had cost.
You saw that my slippers were near my chair,
You saw that my study-fire would draw,
And you did it all with a cheerful air.
(Not that of a martyr) my Sister-in-Law.
My promise the late lamented took
That I'd not ie-marry, except to you,
And a wicked page in 'he Statute-Book
Is now, I hope, to be torn in two.
The Commons, you know, have closed the strife,
No Jew tradition the Lords should awe;
And you, in the name of my Lawful Wife,
Shall merge the name of my Sister-in-Law.

a new appointment at the palace.
in consequence of the loss of the Royal Plate, notwithstanding the
number of servants employed, and well paid to look after it, it has
been suggested that the Groom of the Silver-pastry, should hencefor-
ward take the title of Groom of the Sick,

CANINE SAGACITY AND SYMPATHY.
A Paragraph has been circulating in the papers describing a certain
Dr. Reclam a3 having met with an uupleasant, if not exactly an un-
merited accident in lecturing on toxicology at Leipsic. The particular
subject of the doctor's discourse was Nicotine, and in order to demon-
strate the poisonous properties of that substance, he administertd
some of it to a large dog. Dogs are not accustomed to take poison, or
any other affront, quietly ; and this one, lying on his back, and having
been thrown into convulsions by the Nicotine, cast back some of that
offending substance into 1 he doctor's mouth. Nicotine is the active
principle of tobacco, and this canine retaliation may perhaps be repre-
sented as a quid pro quo. It was now the doctor's turn to go into
convulsions, and personally illustrate the other symptoms of poisoning
by Nicotine—except the last of them. He did not die ; but by dint of
antidotes and attention recovered-—however, he had to be taken
home.
Our own dog, having turned out this piece of news in a paper which
was lying in his way on the floor, began barking so furiously that we
thought lie smelt a rat, but the decided point which he made at the
paragraph convinced us that he was expressing his sentiments in regard
to Dr. Reclam : sentiments in which we quite coincide, at least if we
have correctly translated the sagacious animal's bark. We understood
him to intimate that he was glad of that gentleman's escape, but also
rejoiced in the hope that he had had a " sickener" of trying poison on
the canine species.
a pair question for a foreigner.
Abe those young men galley-slaves, whom one sees of an evening
between Putney Bridge and Mortlake, stripped to their shirts, in long
narrow boats, and pulling so violently on the river ?