Punch (30.1856)

April 26, 1856.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

i67

THE " SICK MAN " AT KNIGHTSBEIDGE.


always got, however. The result would be an agreement on the part
of the profession to make payment per visit, stumpy down, a condition
of attendance. Thus they would have a practical surety of being
he Conclusion of .Peace„has paid, instead of a legal remedy for not being paid; a remedy worse
realised the prediction of the fam the disease. A medical man cannot afford to "County Court"
Emperor Nicholas with re- one 0f his patients—and lose the rest.
gard to the Turk, at least as Quacks, by being enabled to exact payment, as well as to make
far as his representative at mistakes with impunity, would soon, in every sense of the word, sicken
Knightsbridge is concerned, tnose who might resort to them for cure. The lives lost and the
for the sick man, after drag- injuries sustained through ignorance and incompetence would be, in a
ging out a rather wretched Tery short time, much more than made up for by the increased muU
existence, is at length de- tiiude of cures and successful cases which would result from the more
funer." The Sultan and all general exercise of judgment on the part of ihe public in the choice of
his Court have been cruelly Medical advisers.
knocked down by the ham-; ^t the same time Medical liberty of conscience would be consulted,
mer of the auctioneer. Vt e and everybody would be enabled freely to get physicked or to physic
shall probably meet some of others, with infinitesimal doses, pigeons' milk, mahogany sawdust, or
our old inends from Knights- a„y other remedy, repudiated by the Faculty, in the virtues and
bridge as « magnificent ad- efficacy of which he might believe, or pretend belief,
ditions" in Baker Street; or
we may possibly encounter
the Turk in some of the
salons of the season in the
shape of a wax-candle. The
latter is the more reason-
able surmise, for it has al-
ways been felt that_ the
Turk must be sacrificed
in the cause of enlighten-
ment

MR. PUNCH'S MEDICAL REFORM BILL.
Lord Elcho and others have introduced a Medical Bill No. 2,
which, like Mr. Headlam/s Medical Bill No. 1, has been referred to
a Select Committee. Essentially Lord Ei.cho's Bill is much the same
as Mr. Hkadlam's; it proposes to fine every medical man £5, by
compelling him to get registered at that price, for which it promises
him not any advantage worth a halfpenny, and affords no more promise
to anybody else. Under these circumstances Mr. Punch has also intro-
duced a Medical Bill No. 3, an abstract of which has been printed and
laid on the table, in the present pages. It will be seen that the
Medical Bill of Mr. Punch is based on a principle diametrically oppo-
site to that on which the other two Medical Bills have been founded.
The following is the substance of its principal clauses :—
Clause 1. Repeals all existing laws relative to the Medical pro-
fession, except those exempting practitioners from certain civil and
military liabilities.
Clause 2. Abolishes the whole of the privileges of existing Medical
corporations, saving the right to confer degrees, hold property, sue and
be sued.
Clause 3. Empowers a certain number of legally qualified Medical
practitioners of any grade to constitute and establish any new Medical
corporation, possessing the same privileges as other existing Medical
corporations—provided that the title of such new corporation shall
differ from that of every existing one in respect of its initial letters.
Clause 4. Provides for the registration of members and licentiates
of Medical corporations as legally qualified practitioners on payment of
one shilling.
Clause 5. Benders the false assumption of the title of a legally
qualified practitioner punishable by fine and committal to the House
of Correction.
Clause 6. Deprives every legally qualified practitioner of
power to recover charges for medicine and medical or surgical
attendance.
Clause 7. Enables any person, not being a legally qualified
practitioner to recover reasonable charges for attendance, medical
or surgical.
Clause 8. Abolishes and disallows all actions of damages for mal-
practice, and all verdicts of manslaughter for ignorance and careless-
ness against all and any persons whomsoever. Military.
From the operation of this Medical Bill, should it become law,' Eield Marshal Prince Albert has inspected all the troops in
Mr. Punch expects the following beneficial consequences; which are camp at Colchester. After the inspection His Royal Highness passed
demonstrable, if not obvious. ! the highest encomiums on the condition of the men. He was pleased
The Medical corporations will devote their whole attention to the to say that, " in all his military experience he had never beheld troop?
promotion of Medical science, as they will have no other interest to who stood so beautifully—at ease."
promote apart from that. The value of their diplomas being entirely--
moral, they will endeavour to render them as valuable in that respect; Tvr„c;r» i-n An=tri»
as possible: and they will be kept up to the mark by liability to | music m Austria.
competition. An Austrian political economist has calculated that with the annual
Quacks will be punishable for tangible and palpable quackery—prac-! money paid in salaries to the prime donne of Vienna, "a hundred
tising under a false pretence. ; square miles of marsh-land might be turned into fruitful corn-fields."
As to remuneration, all Medical men will be placed on the same The professor forgets that, nevertheless, the singers by their sweet
footing witL the old physician, whose fee was an honorarium— which he voices do their best to cultivate the finest ears.

THE TRIUMPH OF IGNORANCE.
What on earth is the cause of such hearty hurrahs,
Why and wherefore so much jubilation
For the fact that Lord John managed not to get on
With his scheme to promote education ?
One can quite understand, such a scheme, badly planned,
A crude and inadequate measure,
Such a fate having met, would excite no regret;
But whence this extravagant pleasure?
Lord John Russell's defeat than the Russians' retreat
At Ihe Alma has raised, in some quarters,
Cheers of deeper delight, or than Inkermann's fight,
Also won in the land of Crim Tartars :
For Sebastopol's fall certain folks didn't bawl
In the triumph of victory louder.
Of the battle thus won, than of all the deeds done
By their countrymen's arms, they seem prouder.
Some great end sure they've gained that their throats should
be strained
In crowing so strongly exerted?
With one heart and one voice they so greatly rejoice
On account of some grand point asserted ?
Yes; for Liberty's sake, all that hubbub they make,
For that freedom which Britons so cherish ;
If he hadn't been stopped, which Lord John would have
cropped,
And the old British oak doomed to perish.
On account of the Poor this tremendous uproar
Is so feelingly raised by their betters:
All because Lord John's plan would have forced the poor man
Into letting his children learn letters.
All the louts and the clowns, and the rabble of towns,
'Gainst their blest inclinations, compelling,
All their little ones dear, by a statute severe,
To have taught reading, writing, and spelling.

With a stout voice and strong, sing, "Live Liberty long!:
And in ignorance hopeless and utter
May her ragged sons play with their sisters all day,
In the street, on the brink of the gutter.
Ebenezer, my boy, may it give your heart joy,
That they '11 grow up with minds merely fallows,
And that some will be brought, just by being untaught,
Thank yourself, to the hulks and the gallows.