DOI Heft:
April 26, 1856
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16617#0177
April 26, 1856.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
169
A FIGURE OP FUN.
The Bishop op Bangor presents his compliments to Mr. Punch,
and I beg to send you my Portrait,
Yours sincerely, Bangor.
ENOUGH TO PUT ANYBODY OUT.
Whether it is true that "it never rains but it pours," there can bp
no denying that one extensive fire seldom happens without a shower of
conflagrations coming immediately afterwards. Fire is proverbially
catching, and it has sometimes been observed that an epidemic pre-
vails on the approach of quarter-day, when there is frequently a
breaking out in several places at once, and a sort of burning fever
becomes extremely prevalent. In spite of every precaution, there has
been lately among the theatres a tendency to catch fire, and while no
less than two have miserably perished within the last few months, there
have been some comparatively mild cases of incipient combustion at
other theatrical establishments. Drury Lane has been in peril once or
twice, and on a recent occasion appears to have been brought into
danger by an experiment to provide for its safety.
We often hear of remedies that are worse than the disease, but in
the instance to which we allude, the disease appears to have been
occasioned solely by the remedy. Some clever fellow bas we find
invented an affair called a Fire Annihilator, which is intended, we
presume, as its name implies, to annihilate a fire, but by mismanage-
ment or mistake, the article, instead of putting out a fire which exists,
may create a fire where none is expected.
The following extracts from a report headed Alarming Occurrence
at Drury Lane Theatre, will throw light on a subject, which was
very nearly being illuminated in a most disastrous manner:
" At the conclusion of the performances on Saturday night, the committee of the
theatre, according to previous arrangement, arrived upon the stage for the purpose of
wituessiDg some experiments with Phillips's patent Fire Annihilator, in order to test
their applicability in case of fire occurring within the building."
So far so good, but what was better still—and most fortunate, as the
result proved—a number of genuine firemen were in attendance to
assist or counteract the annihilating gentlemen "in case anything
should arise," to demand the services of the former :
" The performances commenced with a trial between the patent hand pump, such as
is used by the fire brigade, and one or two small annihilators, to bee which would
extinguish the lights burning in the battens over the stage the quickest."
This amusing little match between the pumps, and the annihilators
was going on very pleasantly, and the Committee, who were very fitting
judges of the matter, were inclining favourably to the pumps, when
" It was proposed by Mr. Curtis, the secretary, that one of the large machines drawn
upon two wheels, should be tried. This was accordingly being done, and the carriage
having been placed near the centre of the stage, a large iron funnel fifteen feet in length
was attached, for the purpose of assisting the vapour to reach the gas burning in the
battens."
All this was satisfactory enough, and the pumps and the annihilators i
had their respective backers among the Committee, some of whom were '
mentally exclaiming "Go it, pumps ! " "Go it annihilator !" when the
following thoroughly dramatic incident occurred, and an effect of a
strangely serio-comic nature was the immediate consequence:
" The signal having been given, the man in charge of the annihilator broke the
bottle containing the acid, which ignited the composition, and the vapour commenced
to escape; but in a few seconds the funnel, through which the gas generated in the
machine was passing, blew off, and was projected up to the flies, and lodged under the
bridge of the stage in a heated state. At the same time, the cap or lid of the annihi-
lator was blown off with a noise resembling the discharge of cannon, which knocked
down the man having charge of the apparatus, and passing by him to a distance of
thirty-five feet. The machine then threw up such a vast body of fire that every one in
the theatre apprehended nothing short of its entire destruction."
This must have been indeed a "suiprise" for the assembled com-
pany, who had come to see an annihilator put an imaginary fire out;
when, by some astonishing eccentricity, it blew a real fire in; tossed
its own funnel high into the air; twirled its own cap, as if it would
"huzza" its own exploit; and performed this feat with such fearful
energy, as to knock down the man who had got it in charge; and,
by way of finishing off with a "blaze of triumph," "threw up such a
vast body of fire," that the "noblemen and gentlemen of the Com-
mittee rushed out into the street; " which, as the only way of effecting
their own insurance, was undoubtedly their best policy. Happily,
there chanced to be in the house a tew adherents of the old notion,
that water is better than gas for extinguishing flame; and
" Fortunately the firemen had taken the precaution to have their engines placed
upon the stage, and charged with water, and they were therefore enabled without the
least delay to render assistance."
The conduct of the large annihilator on two wheels had such an
effect on the sympathies of the other minor annihilators, that
" Another annihilator standing on the stage rolled away, and having broken the irou
and glass of five of the floats, it fell into the orchestra, demolishing one of the music
stands and upsetting the seats."
It is clear that the little annihilator would not stand idly by, while
its bigger brother was having one of its "games;" and, having broken
five lamp-glasses, demolished a music-stand, and upset a seat, the
small machine may be said to have contributed a fair share, for its size,
to the evening's excitement. Of course, when it was all over, nobody
on earth knew how it was done; and the usual amount of surmise has
been actively engaged in making all sorts of ridiculous guesses at the
cause of the accident. At length, that sagacious conjuror, commonly
known as "general opinion," has come to the sapient conclusion, that
the " cap came off, because the lid, or top, could not have been pro-
perly riveted on; " and the account of the affair finishes as usual with
the remark, that "too much praise cannot be given to everyone
employed ;" from which we infer that no blame attaches to anyone.
A JUBILEE CHANT.
If your Members attend less to duties than pleasures,
Till all must find fault both with men and with measures—
If at scamped and botched work in your laws you all scoff—
If the seams come unsewed, and the buttons drop off—
If you wish (as you must) to see coats turned more neatly.
And the thread of each argument drawn more completely,
It's clear that there's only one thing to be done,—
Admit into Parliament Aaron and Son.
We who first of your Tailor's Bills called for reform,
In reforming your Parliaments' Bills will be warm :
Skilful sweaters, we '11 quicken the Cabinet's sloth,
And teach them to cut out their coats by their cloth;
Pennywise, make each sixpence go far as a bob,
And of what we amend, at least make a good job;
If you want many a Williams of Lambeth for one,
Admit into Parliament Aaron and Son.
If you'll visit our Mammoth emporium you'll see
The style of our business just fits the M.P. :
We've the knack on the Public our merits of thrusting,
In a style of profession that quite suits the busting.
With plate-glass and gas-lights we make such a flare,
That fustian for broad-cloth will pass in the glare.
With " Great cry, little wool," we the Public have done,
Then what Members you'd have in B. Aaron and Son !
A Strange Blade.
An American Rough, whose name is Walt Whitman, and who calls
himself a " Kosmos," has been publishing a mad book under the title
of Leaves of Grass. We can orjly say that these Leaves of Grass are
fully worthy to be put on a level with that heap of rubbish called Fern
Leaves, by'Fanny Fern, and similar "green stuff." The fields of
American literature want weeding dreadfully.
New Work, now Publishing at Chelsea Hospital in daily
numbers.—Lucan's Farce-alia.
Vol. 30.
6—2
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
169
A FIGURE OP FUN.
The Bishop op Bangor presents his compliments to Mr. Punch,
and I beg to send you my Portrait,
Yours sincerely, Bangor.
ENOUGH TO PUT ANYBODY OUT.
Whether it is true that "it never rains but it pours," there can bp
no denying that one extensive fire seldom happens without a shower of
conflagrations coming immediately afterwards. Fire is proverbially
catching, and it has sometimes been observed that an epidemic pre-
vails on the approach of quarter-day, when there is frequently a
breaking out in several places at once, and a sort of burning fever
becomes extremely prevalent. In spite of every precaution, there has
been lately among the theatres a tendency to catch fire, and while no
less than two have miserably perished within the last few months, there
have been some comparatively mild cases of incipient combustion at
other theatrical establishments. Drury Lane has been in peril once or
twice, and on a recent occasion appears to have been brought into
danger by an experiment to provide for its safety.
We often hear of remedies that are worse than the disease, but in
the instance to which we allude, the disease appears to have been
occasioned solely by the remedy. Some clever fellow bas we find
invented an affair called a Fire Annihilator, which is intended, we
presume, as its name implies, to annihilate a fire, but by mismanage-
ment or mistake, the article, instead of putting out a fire which exists,
may create a fire where none is expected.
The following extracts from a report headed Alarming Occurrence
at Drury Lane Theatre, will throw light on a subject, which was
very nearly being illuminated in a most disastrous manner:
" At the conclusion of the performances on Saturday night, the committee of the
theatre, according to previous arrangement, arrived upon the stage for the purpose of
wituessiDg some experiments with Phillips's patent Fire Annihilator, in order to test
their applicability in case of fire occurring within the building."
So far so good, but what was better still—and most fortunate, as the
result proved—a number of genuine firemen were in attendance to
assist or counteract the annihilating gentlemen "in case anything
should arise," to demand the services of the former :
" The performances commenced with a trial between the patent hand pump, such as
is used by the fire brigade, and one or two small annihilators, to bee which would
extinguish the lights burning in the battens over the stage the quickest."
This amusing little match between the pumps, and the annihilators
was going on very pleasantly, and the Committee, who were very fitting
judges of the matter, were inclining favourably to the pumps, when
" It was proposed by Mr. Curtis, the secretary, that one of the large machines drawn
upon two wheels, should be tried. This was accordingly being done, and the carriage
having been placed near the centre of the stage, a large iron funnel fifteen feet in length
was attached, for the purpose of assisting the vapour to reach the gas burning in the
battens."
All this was satisfactory enough, and the pumps and the annihilators i
had their respective backers among the Committee, some of whom were '
mentally exclaiming "Go it, pumps ! " "Go it annihilator !" when the
following thoroughly dramatic incident occurred, and an effect of a
strangely serio-comic nature was the immediate consequence:
" The signal having been given, the man in charge of the annihilator broke the
bottle containing the acid, which ignited the composition, and the vapour commenced
to escape; but in a few seconds the funnel, through which the gas generated in the
machine was passing, blew off, and was projected up to the flies, and lodged under the
bridge of the stage in a heated state. At the same time, the cap or lid of the annihi-
lator was blown off with a noise resembling the discharge of cannon, which knocked
down the man having charge of the apparatus, and passing by him to a distance of
thirty-five feet. The machine then threw up such a vast body of fire that every one in
the theatre apprehended nothing short of its entire destruction."
This must have been indeed a "suiprise" for the assembled com-
pany, who had come to see an annihilator put an imaginary fire out;
when, by some astonishing eccentricity, it blew a real fire in; tossed
its own funnel high into the air; twirled its own cap, as if it would
"huzza" its own exploit; and performed this feat with such fearful
energy, as to knock down the man who had got it in charge; and,
by way of finishing off with a "blaze of triumph," "threw up such a
vast body of fire," that the "noblemen and gentlemen of the Com-
mittee rushed out into the street; " which, as the only way of effecting
their own insurance, was undoubtedly their best policy. Happily,
there chanced to be in the house a tew adherents of the old notion,
that water is better than gas for extinguishing flame; and
" Fortunately the firemen had taken the precaution to have their engines placed
upon the stage, and charged with water, and they were therefore enabled without the
least delay to render assistance."
The conduct of the large annihilator on two wheels had such an
effect on the sympathies of the other minor annihilators, that
" Another annihilator standing on the stage rolled away, and having broken the irou
and glass of five of the floats, it fell into the orchestra, demolishing one of the music
stands and upsetting the seats."
It is clear that the little annihilator would not stand idly by, while
its bigger brother was having one of its "games;" and, having broken
five lamp-glasses, demolished a music-stand, and upset a seat, the
small machine may be said to have contributed a fair share, for its size,
to the evening's excitement. Of course, when it was all over, nobody
on earth knew how it was done; and the usual amount of surmise has
been actively engaged in making all sorts of ridiculous guesses at the
cause of the accident. At length, that sagacious conjuror, commonly
known as "general opinion," has come to the sapient conclusion, that
the " cap came off, because the lid, or top, could not have been pro-
perly riveted on; " and the account of the affair finishes as usual with
the remark, that "too much praise cannot be given to everyone
employed ;" from which we infer that no blame attaches to anyone.
A JUBILEE CHANT.
If your Members attend less to duties than pleasures,
Till all must find fault both with men and with measures—
If at scamped and botched work in your laws you all scoff—
If the seams come unsewed, and the buttons drop off—
If you wish (as you must) to see coats turned more neatly.
And the thread of each argument drawn more completely,
It's clear that there's only one thing to be done,—
Admit into Parliament Aaron and Son.
We who first of your Tailor's Bills called for reform,
In reforming your Parliaments' Bills will be warm :
Skilful sweaters, we '11 quicken the Cabinet's sloth,
And teach them to cut out their coats by their cloth;
Pennywise, make each sixpence go far as a bob,
And of what we amend, at least make a good job;
If you want many a Williams of Lambeth for one,
Admit into Parliament Aaron and Son.
If you'll visit our Mammoth emporium you'll see
The style of our business just fits the M.P. :
We've the knack on the Public our merits of thrusting,
In a style of profession that quite suits the busting.
With plate-glass and gas-lights we make such a flare,
That fustian for broad-cloth will pass in the glare.
With " Great cry, little wool," we the Public have done,
Then what Members you'd have in B. Aaron and Son !
A Strange Blade.
An American Rough, whose name is Walt Whitman, and who calls
himself a " Kosmos," has been publishing a mad book under the title
of Leaves of Grass. We can orjly say that these Leaves of Grass are
fully worthy to be put on a level with that heap of rubbish called Fern
Leaves, by'Fanny Fern, and similar "green stuff." The fields of
American literature want weeding dreadfully.
New Work, now Publishing at Chelsea Hospital in daily
numbers.—Lucan's Farce-alia.
Vol. 30.
6—2