Punch (33.1857)

70

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August jlo, 1857.

" SEDET vETERNUMQUE SEDEBXT."

To the Air of " little Bo-peep."

Of Theseus we read.
That Minos decreed.
In Hades for ever to bind liira;
Till Hercules' strength,
Released him at length,
With the loss of the part behind him.

But Pam to wrench
Prom the Treasury Bench
Cease, Gladstone, the vain endeavour;
For rather than move
He '11 quote Horace to prove,
" He sits, and will sit for ever."

Even your power of talk,
By a long long chalk,
Is beat by his power of silence ;
Speech must run dry,
But if no one reply,
It must come to a vote a while hence.

You must use your own t ongue,
And your own power of lung,
For your eloquent orthodoxy;
But simply to sit,
Requires no wit,
So Pam can sit by proxy.

From the Treasury Bench
You will have to wrench,
Not one man but a party;
Who respect his force
More than your discourse,
" Non tarn Mercurio quam Marte."

VERY PRETTY QUARREL." He's more Theseus to sit

„.'",„ ., „ „ , 7 ,,. . , ., T, , , . ... Than, with all your wit,

First Nurserymaid. "Me go back, Miss! (Jit dear no, not if I m perfectly aware on it, Miss, You are HERCULES to unbind him •

which you might a' seen me henter the street fust, if you'd a' been looking straight before yer, Miss, You must take up your tale

So you're not a-goin' to tarn me offthe pavemint, if 1 stays here all day, beggin o' your pard—"

Second. Nurserymaid. " Oh don't name it, Mum. I'm in no 'urryf

But he still will prevail,
Bv leaving his tail behind him.

" DUST, OH! DUST, OH!"

We have always felt that some signal and terrible vengeance would
come upon the inhabitants of the Quadrant. In their imbecile blind-
ness, and greed of gain, they caused the destruction of their Colonnade,
one of the few architectural features of London. They did so on the
principle on which a man, troubled at, night by those insects which are
never found in Lodging-houses, M'm. unless you've brought, 'em with
you, M'm, or they've come with the things from the wash—should,
instead of using detergents, burn his bed. The Quadranters com-
plained that objectionable characters congregated under the Colonnade ;
and so, instead of putting on a few constables, and paying them enough
to prevent their taking bribes, the Colonnade was pulled down, and that
part of Regent Street spoiled. Ha! ha! Vengeance has come ! The
Plague of Dust is upon them ! These splendid weeks of fiery weather
the avenging Dust has been permitted to sweep over Regent Street as
it sweeps over Odessa. The costly wares have been spoiled, the dis-
gusted customers have fled—rubbing pounds of dust out of their furious
eyes—the carriages have rushed past the shop-doors, and trade has
received even a greater injury from the Dust than from the Dissolution.
The parish authorities have kept aloof, and the water-cart has scarcely
been seen. Ha ! ha ! Hurrah ! We write with our own eyes sore
with the dust that has all but ruined the locality; but again we
say,—ha! ha ! Hurrah! Parish authorities, your health! You have
nobly chastised the Goths that destroyed the Colonnade. May you
long hold office to afflict and torment Regent Street!

Russian Generalship,

In a very sensible letter on " Our soldiers' dress in India," a cor-
respondent of the Times quotes the observation of a military authority
who remarks, "that the first duty of a General is to bring his men
fresh into the battlefield." The Russian Generals are in the habit of
observing this rule after a fashion of their own. On the field of battle
their men usually advance so very fresh that they may be said to come
up groggy.

Query for Those Whom it may Concern—Is the Indian con-
flagration the result of incendiarism, and was it kindled by Greek fire
fed with .Russian grease?

HOW TO MAKE AN INDIAN PICKLE.

Entrust the selection of materials and the whole management of
affairs to a commercial company, bke (for instance) the East India
Company. Allow them to make use of as much corruption as they
please. 'Throw in various green things, such as incompetent judges,
cruel tax-gatherers, and overbearing military officers. Stir up the above
with a large Spoon of the Ellenborough pattern. Mix the above
with native superstitions, and by no means spare the official sauce.
Allow the above quietly to ferment for several years without taking
any notice of how matters are going on. When you come to look into
the state of things, you will find that you have as fine an Indian Pickle
as you could wish. You need not trouble yourself about the jars, foi
they will be supplied to you afterwards, gratis. For further particu-
lars, inquire of the great Indian Pickle Warehouse, in Leadenhall
Street. N.B. No Pickle is genuine, unless there is the mark oi
" John Company " plainly visible on the face of it.

THE HAUNTED BRIDGE.

In passing, the other day, over Southwark Bridge, we remarked two
striking peculiarities of that structure. One of them is its deep and
dreary solitude; the other the worn appearance of its foot-pavement.
There is almost no traffic crossing it; yet the flagstones on each side
of it are as deeply scooped and indented as if they had been laid down
in the middle ages, and had formed the only path from the City to the
Borough ever since. This convinces us that the Bridge is haunted;
and that conviction is confirmed by the melancholy and desolate aspect
of the toll-gates. The phenomena of Yankee Spiritualism sufficiently
explain how stones may be excavated by the friction of invisible feet.
There is some prospect, however, that the ghosts will soon cease to
monopolise Southwark Bridge. The Board of Works has commenced
a negociation with the Bridge-house Committee with a view to see if
the Bridge cannot be thrown open ; when the spirits in possession will
have to turn out, or at least make room for the corporeal British
Public.

A Musical Proverb (By Jullien).—Every musician is born with
a Conductor's baton in his head.