Punch: Punch (33.1857)

168

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 24, 1857

throw this letter into your waste-paper-basket, or refuse to print—I
should prefer capital letters—this passage to which I refer, from this
enlightened American writer.

" A Word for Women.—Some of the papers are lecturing women upon extrava-
gance in dress, and advising them to retrench, especially during the present financial
difficulty. Doubtless there are many cases of unwarrantable extravagance in this
way; but do people ever consider that two or three glasses of brandy and half a
dozen regalias, indulged in daily by a man, to say nothing of five and ten dollar
dinners, amount to more in a year than would be required to dress a woman up to
the full requirements of fashion ? Much of this talk about the extravagance of
women is nonsense. They are almost universally careful, and many a trader would
to-day have been safe and sound if he had listened to the prudent counsels of his
wile, rather than the reckless promptings of his own ambition. It is natural for
mean men to endeavour to shift the responsibility of tneir folly to other shoulders,
but it is rather too much to charge a commercial revulsion like this upon one's wife
and daughters.—New York Payer." . , .

" For my part, I think the passage ought to he printed in letters of
gold, and hung up over every double-bed in England, between the
watch-pockets.

" I am, Mr. Punch,

" Your constant reader,

"A Victim."

DIN NEE-TABLE TALK.

tjr Paris Correspondent informs us
that the next edition of the little
book, " Comme on Dme a Paris" is
to be dedicated to Lord Cowley.
It will contain a new chapter en-
titled, " Comme on dme, tant bien que
mat, chez I'Ambassadeur de VAngle-
terre." An original bill of fare is to
be given. The fac-simile has been
handed round to the different hotels
of the other embassies, and uni-
versally admired for its truthfulness.
It consists of a handsome sheet of
blank paper. It is the very same
entertainment that the munificent
representative of Her Britannic
Majesty gave more than once to the
various talented juries and commit-
tees that were assembled in Paris, to do honour to British art and
science, in the year of the Great Exposition. As a literal reproduction,
the copy, perhaps, has never been surpassed.

JOURNEYMEN PARSONS' WAGES.

A Species of servants' office, calling itself Registry for Curates,
publishes a list of vacant curacies for the present month "under the
sanction of the Archbishops of Canterbury and York." How
those two most reverend prelates can sanction anything of the kind,
we cannot imagine • for, besides other particulars, the stipends of
all the curacies that have any are stated, and some of the curacies are

attendance on a population of 1027, but " vegetables, the use of a cow,
and one or two servants as might be required." In Ely there is an
absolutely wonderful curacy. With a population of 2210, the stipend
is £2 2s. for two months, and the curate, "if married, must not have
family." " The labourer is not worthy of his hire," and " Suffer not
little children," &c, are apparently the maxims of the incumbent in
this instance. As the curate " must not have family," would he, if,
being a husband, he should happen to become a father also before the
expiration of the two months, forfeit his stipend ? This point it would
behove any curate to whom two guineas are of consequence, that is to
say, many a curate, to ascertain; for such a clergyman, with a wife in
an interesting situation, would have to think well before taking that
extremely queer curacy in the diocese of Ely.

Among curacies of which the candidate is informed that "titles can
be given in the following cases," there is one in York, whereof the
stipend is £40; the population being 2,000 -. so that the wages of this
place are about 2s. 2d. a-day. To the cure of 5,000 souls in Sarum, no
temptation is attached in the shape of filthy lucre: " a Residence "
only being offered, which we might suppose to be the gaol, but that
the cure of souls extra muros would be impossible to the incarcerated
curate.

Erom the facts and figures above quoted, the difference between a
curacy and a living is placed in a strong light; for it is quite clear
that many curacies are employments by which the employed cannot
live. It is also manifest that not a few incumbents hire a curate
principally in order that he may illustrate evangelical doctrine for them
by his life, in being content without riches, and may thus take the
most disagreeable part of their duty off their hands. In hiring curates,
we wonder that master-clergymen do not adopt the course of some
farmers, and resort to an ecclesiastical statute-fair, at which candidates
for curacies might present themselves with tickets in their hats,
marked with terms. An interesting experiment as to the effect of
curate's wages upon the ordinary run of servants might be tried, but
for several difficulties. Take a footman with a fine aquiline nose, get
him ordained, make him exchange his plush and shoulder-knot for
surplice and bands, the back of the carriage for the pulpit, and the
servants' hall for the curates' residence. Instead of waiting at table,
set him to work at reading, preaching, baptizing, marrying, burying,
and visiting the sick. Give him curate's wages for those which he
received as a lackey, and compel him to labour for them in the church-
vineyard during twelve months. At the end of that time, examine his
nose, and see whether it has not, from having been continually turned
up at his stipend, become permanently snubbed, and converted from an
aristocratic aquiline into a plebeian pug.

GLEANINGS EROM A PADDY EIELD.

An old song makes mention of a certain—

" Paddywhack just come from Cork,

With his coat nately buttoned behind him."

The memory of that ancient lay will perhaps be awakened by the
following advertisement extracted from a Cork newspaper :—

GAME NOTICE.

described as having no stipend at all. It is quite clear that, in learning HPHE EARL OF XORBURY requests that no one will Poach on his
to write, the archbishops never learned the proverb which informs J- Estate (Carrigmore) without an order from him in writing. (3902)
most people that comparisons are odious; for, if they were aware of! , .nl -r, ^ l l\. i- n +jo

that aSage, thev never would have willingly allowed the publication of | . ™ annual will the Prince Consort exhibit at the next Cattle
„ h,,,™^ ™i/;~k „a„™+ foil „e ™m,™>.,^ ' +hQ show that wdl beat the Earl or JNorbury s Prize Bull.''

a document which cannot fail of provoking comparisons between the
highest and the lowest ecclesiastical revenues. In the diocese of
Peterborough, there is, according to this register, a curacy with 290
souls to cure, and the superadded duty of "tuition of 16 boys"—at a
stipend of £80. In that of York there is one which differs so widely
from an archbishopric, that, whilst the population amounts to 3000,
the stipend amounts to nothing. The old gentleman who looks from
the cathedral tower of Lincoln over the surrounding country, beholds
therein a curacy, the stipend of which, like that first mentioned, is
£80 ; the furniture of the curate's house to be taken at a valuation of
£180. This arrangement must amuse the old gentleman, because it is
an awkward attempt to cheat him by selling a spiritual office without
committing indictable simony. In this case, the population is 100 ; so
that the souls which constitute it are cured at 16s. per animam per
annum, which is much above the average of curates' wages, estimated
in proportion to curates' work. The high valuation at which the
furniture is to be taken indicates one of two things: either that the
curate has a very well-furnished house, or else that the vicar or rector
is a very great rogue. The diocese of Chichester contains a curacy
which may be called algebraical, for the quantity of the stipend
would seem to be less than nothing, as it is the sum of £26,
minus the payment of all rates and taxes in respect of the Rector's
property.

In Peterborough, again, there is a curate's place vacant altogether,
without stipend, and with nothing whatever to remunerate clerical

Here is another remarkable advertisement, culled, likewise, from one
of the Cork journals :—

wanted, board and residence.
1 N a Respectable Family, by a Single Gentleman, who will pay liberally,
A where there are no marriageable daughters. Apply, by letter, to r., Daily
Reporter Office. (2473.)

In this notification there is, to be sure, no absolute nonsense, though
some difficulty may be experienced in understanding its_ drift. What
can be the author's objection to marriageable daughters in a boarding-
house ? Perhaps he has been made the victim of some marriageable
daughter to whom, like a fool, he afforded grounds of an action for
breach of promise of marriage. Perhaps he cannot help being such a
fool under circumstances of temptation. Perhaps

" Love is the soul of this nate Irishman ;
He loves all that is lovely, loves all that he caa ;"

and is unable to restrain himself from making offers of which he
afterwards repents, and for which he suffers. Perhaps, like the
American Editor whose fatal gift of handsomeness obliged him to carry
a stick to keep the ladies off, he is such an Adonis as to be subject to
be mobbed by the softer sex; so that in a boarding-house wherein
there are any marriageable daughters, he is prevented from enjoying
his board by their troublesome caresses.