Punch: Punch (33.1857)

October 31, 1857.]

179

often absurdly informed, that this or that man of rank was entertaining
one ; a thing that a clown in the ring only can do, though no clown in
the ring very often does it. We once heard a clown who was sur-
rounded, not only by a ring, but also by a circle in the shape of a
hoop, which had been reversed upon himself whilst he was iu the act
of putting it around somebody else, say, before he could check himself,
" High-diddle-diddle, the fool in the middle;" but it would, be im-
proper to apply this quotation to the centre of that circle which sur-
rounds the Marquis of Bristol : for the centre of a circle has a
point, and a point has no parts or magnitude, whereas the Noble
Marquis possesses some understanding, and is, moreover, one of the
great.

JAMES THOMPSON, ESQ.

(of cheapside.)

The Initial System has turned out partially a dead letter; at least,
the Dead Letter Office never was so full as at the present moment.
The Initials only cause a greater waste than economy of time, and. this
waste arises from the endless mistakes that are constantly occurring.
Persons are too lazy, or else too busy, to consult their Street Guide;
and so, in their hurry or indolence, they dab down any initial, that, to
their geographical mind, seems to be the nearest approach to the truth.
Hence, confusion after confusion; so that letters are carried to the
wrong district, or else have to be sorted and resorted, until the error
is corrected. _ We need hardly state, that this loose system is_ not
exactly the right sort to avoid delay. Sometimes the mistake is on
the side of the Post Office; as, for instance, when a letter is marked
N.W., and, intended for the North-West division of London, is
forwarded to North Wales. But more frequently the error is the
natural result of the stupidity or carelessness of the correspondent.

Our readers, doubtlessly, recollect the sample address that was given
in the Post-Office Guide (price Id.). It ran as follows :—

James Tlioriijoson, Esq.,

200, Cheapside,

London.
E.C.

Now, will it be believed—and the fact is so outrageously absurd
that it is almost incredible—that hundreds and hundreds of fools have
copied the above address literally. James Thompson has enjoyed for
months past the largest correspondence of any man in the world. The
Editor of Bell's Life, to whom most matters of dispute, from tennis to
theology, are referred, does not receive one-thousandth part the
number of missives that are sent to the address of the illustrious
unknown, who does not live at No. 300, Cheapside, for the simple reason
that there are not three hundred houses in that street. No man has
given the Post-Office so much trouble since the days of Joseph Ady,
of -something - (on - the - receipt - of -twelve - postage - stamps) -to - your-
advantage memory. James Thompson, Esq., be he living or dead, can
certainly boast of being the best-lettered man of the day. It takes
more clerks than Baring- Brothers have in their lordly establishment
to open and attend to his extensive correspondence. What a man of
information he must be! What secrets !—what locks of hair!—what
slices of wedding-cake !—what political watchwords !—what vestry
conspiracies!—what tender avowals of blushing affection !—must be
poured into his confiding ear! He could tell you, probably, what the
Second-Ploor of No. 59, Upper Baker Street, Little Pedlmgton, had
for dinner yesterday ! Gain his confidence, and you will doubtlessly be
able to learn the name of the "Winner of the Derby" three years in
advance! We think Selections from the Correspondence of James
Thompson, Esq., would make the most curious book of the day.

There are other fools, who, mixing up a little caution with their folly,
address their billets-doux "to the care of" the favoured J. T. Thus,
we have seen a letter, in a beautiful little handwriting, directed thus:—

His Eminence, Cardinal Wiseman,

35, Golden Square,
To the Care of
James Tliompsou, Esq.,

300, Cheapside,

London,
E.C.

Who would believe that Polly in England ever extended over so
large an area ? It is our opinion that its Empire is only restricted by
the limits of the Penny Post. We hope the incredulous reader will
rot imagine that we have invented the above incidents. We can
•assure him that, strange as they appear, they are positive facts. If he
doubts our word, let him write to James Thompson, Esq., and ask him
whether we have made an improper use of his name.

PIOUS BLACKING.

We are happy to read the announcement that a great religious
movement is on foot, Roman Catholic Blacking is now to be set up
against Evangelical Blacking. In other words, the Society of S. Vin-
cent de Paul is organising a Blacking Brigade for the enlistment of
little Papists who decline to enrol themselves among the red-coats of
Lord Shaetesbtjry's squadron. Thev wear a blue uniform with red
cuffs, and the emblazoned initials 8.V.P., which may either refer to
their patron samt, or imply " Shoes Veil Polished." Some of the lads
are already at work at the West-end. We hear that so keen are their
religious scruples, that they refuse to use Protestant liquid for their
brushes, and that a supply of penny coagulated blacking has been
forwarded from Pome by the eminent chemist who manufactures the
red pomatum called the blood of S. Januarius. This orthodox black-
ing is warranted to melt on a Catholic foot being placed on the lad's
board, but to remain hard as coal should a Protestant try to get a
polish.

_ This is all right, and we are glad to see industry encouraged. But
is there to be no provision for other divisions of religionists ? Are
none but Evangelicals and Catholics to black and be blacked ? Are
Puseyites. to go about with muddy boots? Is the High Church to
wear dirty Highlows ? Is the Dissenter to be refused a scrub ? And
the Jew, are pig's bristles to deny him their office ? This is sectarain
intolerance, and not to be endured in the nineteenth century. Agi-
tation ought at once to be commenced. Por ourselves, we are, in this
matter, somewhat of the opinion of Mr. Thomas Moore who
beautifully says:—

" Shall I ask the bold child of the Blacking Brigade,

Who scrubs at my corns, if our creeds agree ;
Shall 1 injure that gay little shoe-blacker's trade,

If he kneels not in Protestant orthodoxee ?
Prom the heretic Boots at the Swan shall I fly,

To some Papist who over my bluchers shall hiss;
No ; perish the hearts and the laws that would try

Brush, blacking, or shine by a standard like this.''

THE PARTING OF THE PICTURES.

RAiTORD mourns—or rather,
by the way, does not mourn,
for all its inhabitants have
protested against anything
so rational and popular as a
Museum of Art being con-
tinued in their dusty suburb;
Old Trafford, therefore, may
be more accurately said to
rejoice, while Mr. John
Deane stands, lite another
Wellington, making resti-
tution of Art Treasures.
Por the Manchester Exhi-
bition is over.

The parting of pictures
that will never meet again
in this world, except by a
chance as remote as that of
Viscount Villiams's mak-
ing a good speech, was most
affecting. Henry the Eighth
howled as he separated from
George the Fourth, the Blue
Boy blubbered as they tore
him from the Flower Girl,
•and Sir Isaac Newton looked
miserable as Mr. Deane
gallantly led away Nelly O'Brien. The clatter and clamour among
the men-in-armour as they swore eternal friendship before they
were pulled to pieces by the stern Chief Commissioner, resembled
that of the congregation of lobsters breaking up after S. Anthony's
sermon to the fishes. The Old Masters were men of a stronger
type. They have known the world long, and know that nothing
is so evanescent as friendship; but Rubens had something to whisper
to Etty, and Claude and Turner were observed in a long con-
fabulation. Several great men said words of encouragement and
applause to Wallis; and Augustus Egg, seeing Mammon coming
up with greedy eyes, affectionately tucked his friend under his arm,
and bore him away in safety.

We have likened Mr. John Deane to the Duke of Wellington,
but we should in justice first liken him to Nat-oleon. Por, did he not
ransack the most sacred treasure-houses of art, and bear away their