Punch (33.1857)

December 12, 1S5/.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

237

PUNCH'S IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS.

mr. benjamin disraeli AMD viscount palherston.

Lord P. Mr. Disraeli ! A most welcome visitor. Pray sit here,
near the fire.

Mr. I). 1 thank your lordship. Oriental blood is warm enough any-
where. First, apologising for this intrusion upon a political adversary,
and a much occupied statesman-

Lord P. Who in either capacity is always happy and honoured in a
conference with the most remarkable of modern Chancellors of
Exchequer.

Mr. D. (bows, coldly?) I postpone accepting your lordship's compli-
ment until destiny shall have permitted me really to develope the
financial ideas of which my Lord Derby's tenure of office allowed
me but to ventilate a sample. I have called to talk to you about
India.

Lord P. As I have said, I am always honoured and nappy to see you ;
but if there were one subject more than another on which I had rather
not be talked to, it would be that infernal Peninsula.

Mr. B. Be not afraid. I am not about to condemn or to instruct. I
am not even about to compliment you on the neat trick by which you
demolished the Indian reformers, and by causing it to be proclaimed
that the Company was to go down, when nothing was further from
your intentions, you prevented their meetings and combinations.

Lord P. A. trifle. It might have been done better, but it succeeded.

Mr. D. I am not about to submit to you my views in regard to the
future administration of India. Those you will hear in the proper
place.

Lord P. And, I am sure, with pleasure.

Mr. D. I have no such surety; but we are both too old to care
about pleasure.

Lord P. Puer Eebrceus! I was taking my MA. degree about the
time when you were baptised—or whatever it was that made you the
excellent Christian you are.

Mr. D. And your lordship is a judge of orthodoxy. My mission
to-day is to make a few inquiries, to which, in all probability you will
feel it desirable to make evasive replies.

Lord P. Not improbanle.

Mr. D. I am quite aware that I have no right to make them.

Lord P. I trust that you will not adopt the novel course of letting
that fact stand in your way.

Mr. D. Bistinguo, as the Jesuits say. In the House I claim a right
to be as impertinent as I please. Here, we meet as gentlemen and
men of the world. I shall scarcely be offended if you tell me nothing,
and of what you do tell me I shall make what use may suit me.

Lord P. Be deux maux U faut choisir le moindre, and I am less
alarmed at your oratory than your epigrams.

Mr. D. Do you know why my Lord Canning gagged the Indian
Press ?

Lord P. He never did any such thing.

Mr. D. Right. It was the English Press in India.

Lord P. Do you want a House of Commons answer ? If so, the
jovernor-General, Sir, in the exercise of his discretion, of which no
public servant ever had more, or employed it more judiciously, deemed
it expedient to repress, by special means adapted to the circumstances,
—eh? Oh, you don't want a House of Commons answer ? Well, the
civilians hated the journalists, and eagerly pounced on an opportunity
of serving them out; so Canning was badgered into the work under
pretence that the papers did mischief.

Mr D. Just so. But why did he not interfere with the native press.
Was it not matter of notoriety that the little beastly Indian papers,
besides containing all sorts of indecency, were constantly publishing
barefaced sedition ?

Lord P. The missionaries brought the fact under Lord Canning's
notice, but you could not expect him to attend to missionaries.

Mr. P. But people about him could read. Did not the Doorbin

publish in Calcutta a proclamation, under Lord Canning's very nose,
calling on the natives to rise.
Lord. P. And it was prosecuted.

Mr. D. After an indignant demand that could not be resisted, and
what then ? The Chief Justice, the old new son-in-law of the phdo-
sepoy, Mr. Grant, took a verdict of guilty against the conductors
and fined them—one rupee. Does your Lordship know how much a
rupee is ?

Lord P. Two bob.

Mr. D. I congratulate you on your general information. This was
the only native paper that Lord Canning touched, though the others
were carrying all over the country seditious news and encouragement
to the mutineers.

Lord P. Lor!

Mr. D. Not that he was ignorant of the state of the case, for in
June he called the native papers " poisoned weapons," and then had the
effrontery to say that he saw "no solid standing-ground " upon which j
a line could be drawn, separating the white editors from the black ,
ones.

Lord P. By Jove !

Mr. D. But now notice, while the poisoned weapons were let
alone, how savagely the English papers were treated. Do you know (
why the Friend of Lndia, always the thick and thin upholder of the
Company, was " warned ? "

Lord P. Tell us.

Mr. D. Because, in the owner's absence it was confided to an editor
wdio had occasionally touched up the civilians. So he was touched up
for a perfectly harmless article on the " Centenary of Plassy," and
the paper was threatened with suspension for another harmless article,
but forgiven on condition of the dismissal of the new edicor.

Lord P. Sharp practice.

Mr. D. Nothing. The Bangalore Herald was actually put down for
reprinting the " Centenary of Plassy " before its editor knew of the
warning to the Friend. The Madras Athenaeum was only warned for
the same crime.

Lord P. Smart practice.

Mr. B. Well, the Ahjab Advertiser was suppressed without any
reason at all being assigned, the Commissioner simply refusing the
license.

Lord P. Saves trouble, that sort of thing.

Mr. B. Very true. And then there was a general crusade. The
Madras Examiner was warned for saying that the Madras Government
had recommended the removal of a Government agent at Chepauk, for
oppression. The Bacca News was warned for a legal article on the
Tenure of Land by Europeans. All the Arracan circulars were sup-
pressed, though they have no more politics than prices current. And
the Hurkaru was suppressed for some sarcasms, but the fiercest
sarcasm came from the Government against itself; for, my Lord being
afraid that such an act would rouse the London press, the veto was
taken off the day before the mail left for England.

Lord P. I call that neat, but not gaudy, as the Eirst Whig said
when he painted his tail sky-blue.

Mr. B. The Poonah Observer and the Calcutta Englishman were
warned for reprinting an article from the London Press.

Lord P. In praise of yourself ?

Mr. B. No. That paper may have its own reasons for estimating
highly the merits of the humble individual before you, and in some
eyes this may weaken its influence, but its Indian articles are
admirable.

Lord P. Well, my dear Mr. Disraeli, you were going to make
some inquiries. At present you have done nothing but give me
information.

Mr. B. I want to know how Lord Canning's three friends in the
Cabinet mean to defend him. He has but three—you, who always
defend your subordinates; Granville, who has his own reasons for
admiring Canning ; and Argyll, who is a very nice little duke, but j
knows nothing of the subject ?

Lord P. Quis vitvperavit ?

Mr. B. I intend to do it, and in earnest. And I mean also to ask
why, when the Calcutta people volunteered to arm, by which means
the Calcutta soldiers could have been released, and sent up to save
Cawnpore and Lucknow, they were all snubbed and rejected, though
now that they have insisted on arming, Lady Canning is sent down >
to present colours, and is received in sullen silence.

Lord P. Ah! don't work that subject too much.

Mr. B. No, but I '11 work it enough. And incidentally, to show the
sweet affection felt for the natives, I shall ask why, when some Maho-
metans went into one of the Homes of Refuge set up by the Calcutta
people for the poor refugees, and when these Mahometans insulted the
women, Government neither hanged nor flogged the scoundrels, but,
so far as is known, let them go unpunished ?

Lord P. I fear you are revengeful.

Mr. B. I flatter myself that I am. Well, look out. Canning is a I
weak creature, alternately obstinate and helpless, and I know that he 1
was bullied into crushing the Press by Halliday, the Lieutenant- !