DOI Heft:
July 10, 1858
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16622#0021
July 10, 1858.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.__^_
writing his record thereof in Hebrew, and was deterred from that
course only by the recollection that he did not understand that lan-
guage. The Earl of Derby, happily convalescent, came down,
thanked the Peers for their kindness in not muddling over matters until
he could come and put them in the right way, and then the two Bills,
Lyndhurst's and Lucan's, for letting the Jews into the House of
Commons, came on. Naturally Lord Derby preferred the worst of
them, and might, we think, have gracefully allowed his old friend Lord
Lyndhurst to have the credit of Mosaic Emancipation, instead of
associating with it the name of the Crimean blunderer, Lord Lucan.
However, the business was done, Lord Derby announcing, that he
detested Moses as much as ever, but would accept the compromise
which admits him to the parlour, but excludes him from the drawing-
room. What Lucan proposed, of course his affectionate and admiring
relative, Cardigan, must oppose, and he separated himself from his
Tory friends rather than support his brother-in-law. On division,
Israel triumphed by 143 to 97, majority 46 The nation is now, we
understand, completely " un-Christianised," and a closely hoarded
enclosure has just been run up before Westminster Abbey, within
which pale we have been told that an image of Diana of the Ephesians
is going to be put up to draw people from the Sunday Services. One
of the bishops has been heard to remark, that there is a good deal to
be said for Mohammed, and we have heard, but do not vouch for the
fact, that the funeral car at Marlborough House has been bought by
some wealthy worshippers of Juggernaut, to be turned into a car for
that divinity. A general massacre of the Jews, in the course of the
Wednesday or Thursday at the latest, might save us, but there is little
true piety in these days.
The Commons got upon India again, and in every grapple the
opponents of the Bill were thrown heavily.
Friday. Rather a curious incident in the Lords, te. Duke op Wellington
protested against the arrangements that were t-eing made for the
monument to the DUKE OF WELLINGTON. His existing Grace
considered the plan unsatisfactory. The Premier defended the
rjroposed course.
Then came a long debate on the Bill for Abolishing Church Rates,
and the Lords, led by Government, abolished the Bill by an enormous
majority, 187 to 36. Mr. Punch has some slight idea that the question
is not exactly at an end.
The Thames and the Ganges again divided the attention of the
Commons, and FLuellen's comparison of the rivers of Macedon
and Monmouth, " and there are salmons in both." reminds Mr. Punch
that something of the kind may be said of the European and Asiatic
streams. To which is offered the largest number of Human Sacrifices ?
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
June 28. Monday. Lord Malmesbury's aria d'intrata was as
follows:—
" We see, my friends and I,
How much this town endures
Erom yonder Pest-ditch gliding by,
And therefore raise pro tempore cry,
' Deodorise the Sewers.'"
Borrowing a plan that had succeeded at Leicester, Government would
therefore introduce a Bill making them to Do Something, and(as soon
as circumstances permitted, tbey would do something better. "Fear,"
he remarked with much pluckiness, flushed perhaps with his victory
over the royal nuisance in Italy, " was a bad counsellor." In that case
Pear must be the family name of a large proportion of the Privy,
Common, and a good many other Councils of whose shortcomings we
daily read.
Lord Stanhope, a Peer exceedingly well entitled to be heard upon
any such subject, then obtained an Address for cutting out of our
Prayer Books the savage and abject forms of worship which our fore-
fathers, at certain moments of excitement, thought it well to prescribe
on certain anniversaries, as Guy Pawkes Day, the Martyrdom Day,
and Oak Apple Day. When one reflects, that the people who composed
such things adulated the dirty old coward and fool, James the First ;
looked on while the body of the greatest of our English kings (except
Alfred), we mean, of course, King Oliver the First, and unfortu-
nately the Only, was dragged from its grave to the gallows; and
ecstatically murmured the Nunc dimittis when the friend of Nelly
Gwynne, by no means his worst friend, returned to betray the public
honour of England, and debauch that of her private life • one only
wonders that such ecclesiastical profanities have been tolerated so
long. The Archbishop of Canterbury and the Bishops op London,
Oxford, and Cashel expressed the sentiment s that might be expected
from enlightened gentlemen ; but the offensive services found defenders
in the poor old Bishop of Bangor, in the Bishop of Asaph, who has
Mr. Punch's royal licence henceforth to sign himself A Sap, and in a
brace of foolish Peers, called Marlborough and Dungannon : oppo-
sition which was the only thing wanting to show that every man of
decent intellect feels alike on the subject.
The Commons amused themselves with a Financial debate, and Mr.
Wilson moved, as an amendment to one of Mr. Disraeli's Budget
arrangements, the ridiculous proposition that, when we had borrowed
money for war, we ought to pay it off in peace. It is needless to
say that, after some elaborate talk, such a preposterous notion was got
rid of, and Mr. Dizzy's Bill proceeded. After this, the same
Minister promulgated his new and constitutional theory of Par-
liament, namely, that Government was not bound to take notice of
the decision arrived at in a small house by a small majority. The
Vivian anti-Horse-Guards' proposal was the theme, and Colonel
North took the opportunity of saying the most donkeyfied thing
ever heard in Parliament. Mr. Punch is aware that his statement
is startling, but he will be justified in having made it, when he states
that North attributed all the mismanagement in the Crimea to the
interference of civilians with the military. Mr. Punch will here allow
his readers a pause of twenty minutes to recover from their fit of
laughter.
A MYSTERY OF MUSTY RECORDS.
"The Archives of the Foreign Officb.—The attention
of Lord Malmesbdry has been directed to the great
inconvenience occasioned to historians and others by the
stringent rules at present existing with regard to access to
the foreign correspondence at the State Paper Office. His
Lordship has directed that authority will be given to the
Master of the Rolls to permit, in future, any State Papers
in his custody belonging to this department of a date prior
luesday. lhe Archbishop of Canterbury stated, that he should ^%gp§B4^ to 1688 to be copied by historians without their being
next Session introduce a Bill for preventing Parsons from getting into fll '"^"i submitted for, the approval of the Secretary of State as
debt, or at least for preventing their flock from being thereby de- j JIM ^-^If^ heretofore."
prived of the shepherd. " Clergy to Owe no man Anything," will pro- l||j|l|jlihf^cn -/I—r What a very small stretch that same almost
bably be one of the marginal notes, the command having escaped the IJ U [Ipbff lf\ unyielding substance, red tape, has conceded to
notice of a good many of our spiritual guides
The Bill for disfranchising the Galway freemen was proceeded with
in the Commons; but there was a good deal of feeling that, to punish
these poor rogues for being bribed, and to allow the high-minded and
virtuous Lords and Gentlemen who had — of course not bribed them,
but profited by their being bribed, to escape without a slash, was
almost too brilliant an illustration of the working of our beautifully
equal system of legislation. Simply for the sake of a row, Mr.
Fitzgerald, lately an Irish law officer, attacked Mr. Whiteside,
the Irish Attorney-General, on the subject of an alleged appointment
of an Orangeman to office. Whiteside was only too happy to give
battle, and there was a very good fight, after which the amused
leaders of the House pulled decorous faces, and protested against
quarrels on such subjects. As it happened—though the matter is of
no consequence—Whiteside was in the right, and even Mr. Roe-
buck admitted it, though the Honourable Gentleman must have
passed a bad night after such a condescension.
Wednesday. The Sister-in-Law Enfranchisement Bill made progress,
and it may be as well said here, that at the end of the week the Bill
once more passed the Commons, Mr. Beresford Hope opposing it,
and being defeated by 100 to 70.
Thursday. A great day for Israel. Mr. Punch had thought of
F the inelasticity of red tape some idea may be
derived from the subjoined bit of news announced
by the Globe:—
the strong pull of history and literature ! Old
Parr lived to be 150, it we mistake not; and
there may perhaps now exist some very extra-
ordinary exception to the rule of three-score-
and ten who has attained to the patriarchal age of 170 ; but if
there is any such old man or old woman still extant, that person is
some obscure individual, and no noble lord or lady whose feelings
would be likely to be hurt, or character compromised, by any reve-
lations of State secrets more than a century old. State doctors seem
to think that recent historical facts iare, like new bread, unwholesome
for digestion ; but surely transactions whose antiquity extends beyond
the memory of man, are quite stale enough. If History is not to take
cognisance, independently of the censorship of the Secretary of State,
of any matters recorded in the archives of the Foreign Office, the same
mystery might as well be maintained as to domestic affairs, and a
particular favour might be made of the gracious permission to divulge
the death of Queen Anne.
To the Heads of Families.—It is a familiar saying, that ladies
" keep men on by keeping men off." In other words, men are treated
by ladies much in the same fashion as their bonnets. They are both
held on by being kept back.
writing his record thereof in Hebrew, and was deterred from that
course only by the recollection that he did not understand that lan-
guage. The Earl of Derby, happily convalescent, came down,
thanked the Peers for their kindness in not muddling over matters until
he could come and put them in the right way, and then the two Bills,
Lyndhurst's and Lucan's, for letting the Jews into the House of
Commons, came on. Naturally Lord Derby preferred the worst of
them, and might, we think, have gracefully allowed his old friend Lord
Lyndhurst to have the credit of Mosaic Emancipation, instead of
associating with it the name of the Crimean blunderer, Lord Lucan.
However, the business was done, Lord Derby announcing, that he
detested Moses as much as ever, but would accept the compromise
which admits him to the parlour, but excludes him from the drawing-
room. What Lucan proposed, of course his affectionate and admiring
relative, Cardigan, must oppose, and he separated himself from his
Tory friends rather than support his brother-in-law. On division,
Israel triumphed by 143 to 97, majority 46 The nation is now, we
understand, completely " un-Christianised," and a closely hoarded
enclosure has just been run up before Westminster Abbey, within
which pale we have been told that an image of Diana of the Ephesians
is going to be put up to draw people from the Sunday Services. One
of the bishops has been heard to remark, that there is a good deal to
be said for Mohammed, and we have heard, but do not vouch for the
fact, that the funeral car at Marlborough House has been bought by
some wealthy worshippers of Juggernaut, to be turned into a car for
that divinity. A general massacre of the Jews, in the course of the
Wednesday or Thursday at the latest, might save us, but there is little
true piety in these days.
The Commons got upon India again, and in every grapple the
opponents of the Bill were thrown heavily.
Friday. Rather a curious incident in the Lords, te. Duke op Wellington
protested against the arrangements that were t-eing made for the
monument to the DUKE OF WELLINGTON. His existing Grace
considered the plan unsatisfactory. The Premier defended the
rjroposed course.
Then came a long debate on the Bill for Abolishing Church Rates,
and the Lords, led by Government, abolished the Bill by an enormous
majority, 187 to 36. Mr. Punch has some slight idea that the question
is not exactly at an end.
The Thames and the Ganges again divided the attention of the
Commons, and FLuellen's comparison of the rivers of Macedon
and Monmouth, " and there are salmons in both." reminds Mr. Punch
that something of the kind may be said of the European and Asiatic
streams. To which is offered the largest number of Human Sacrifices ?
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
June 28. Monday. Lord Malmesbury's aria d'intrata was as
follows:—
" We see, my friends and I,
How much this town endures
Erom yonder Pest-ditch gliding by,
And therefore raise pro tempore cry,
' Deodorise the Sewers.'"
Borrowing a plan that had succeeded at Leicester, Government would
therefore introduce a Bill making them to Do Something, and(as soon
as circumstances permitted, tbey would do something better. "Fear,"
he remarked with much pluckiness, flushed perhaps with his victory
over the royal nuisance in Italy, " was a bad counsellor." In that case
Pear must be the family name of a large proportion of the Privy,
Common, and a good many other Councils of whose shortcomings we
daily read.
Lord Stanhope, a Peer exceedingly well entitled to be heard upon
any such subject, then obtained an Address for cutting out of our
Prayer Books the savage and abject forms of worship which our fore-
fathers, at certain moments of excitement, thought it well to prescribe
on certain anniversaries, as Guy Pawkes Day, the Martyrdom Day,
and Oak Apple Day. When one reflects, that the people who composed
such things adulated the dirty old coward and fool, James the First ;
looked on while the body of the greatest of our English kings (except
Alfred), we mean, of course, King Oliver the First, and unfortu-
nately the Only, was dragged from its grave to the gallows; and
ecstatically murmured the Nunc dimittis when the friend of Nelly
Gwynne, by no means his worst friend, returned to betray the public
honour of England, and debauch that of her private life • one only
wonders that such ecclesiastical profanities have been tolerated so
long. The Archbishop of Canterbury and the Bishops op London,
Oxford, and Cashel expressed the sentiment s that might be expected
from enlightened gentlemen ; but the offensive services found defenders
in the poor old Bishop of Bangor, in the Bishop of Asaph, who has
Mr. Punch's royal licence henceforth to sign himself A Sap, and in a
brace of foolish Peers, called Marlborough and Dungannon : oppo-
sition which was the only thing wanting to show that every man of
decent intellect feels alike on the subject.
The Commons amused themselves with a Financial debate, and Mr.
Wilson moved, as an amendment to one of Mr. Disraeli's Budget
arrangements, the ridiculous proposition that, when we had borrowed
money for war, we ought to pay it off in peace. It is needless to
say that, after some elaborate talk, such a preposterous notion was got
rid of, and Mr. Dizzy's Bill proceeded. After this, the same
Minister promulgated his new and constitutional theory of Par-
liament, namely, that Government was not bound to take notice of
the decision arrived at in a small house by a small majority. The
Vivian anti-Horse-Guards' proposal was the theme, and Colonel
North took the opportunity of saying the most donkeyfied thing
ever heard in Parliament. Mr. Punch is aware that his statement
is startling, but he will be justified in having made it, when he states
that North attributed all the mismanagement in the Crimea to the
interference of civilians with the military. Mr. Punch will here allow
his readers a pause of twenty minutes to recover from their fit of
laughter.
A MYSTERY OF MUSTY RECORDS.
"The Archives of the Foreign Officb.—The attention
of Lord Malmesbdry has been directed to the great
inconvenience occasioned to historians and others by the
stringent rules at present existing with regard to access to
the foreign correspondence at the State Paper Office. His
Lordship has directed that authority will be given to the
Master of the Rolls to permit, in future, any State Papers
in his custody belonging to this department of a date prior
luesday. lhe Archbishop of Canterbury stated, that he should ^%gp§B4^ to 1688 to be copied by historians without their being
next Session introduce a Bill for preventing Parsons from getting into fll '"^"i submitted for, the approval of the Secretary of State as
debt, or at least for preventing their flock from being thereby de- j JIM ^-^If^ heretofore."
prived of the shepherd. " Clergy to Owe no man Anything," will pro- l||j|l|jlihf^cn -/I—r What a very small stretch that same almost
bably be one of the marginal notes, the command having escaped the IJ U [Ipbff lf\ unyielding substance, red tape, has conceded to
notice of a good many of our spiritual guides
The Bill for disfranchising the Galway freemen was proceeded with
in the Commons; but there was a good deal of feeling that, to punish
these poor rogues for being bribed, and to allow the high-minded and
virtuous Lords and Gentlemen who had — of course not bribed them,
but profited by their being bribed, to escape without a slash, was
almost too brilliant an illustration of the working of our beautifully
equal system of legislation. Simply for the sake of a row, Mr.
Fitzgerald, lately an Irish law officer, attacked Mr. Whiteside,
the Irish Attorney-General, on the subject of an alleged appointment
of an Orangeman to office. Whiteside was only too happy to give
battle, and there was a very good fight, after which the amused
leaders of the House pulled decorous faces, and protested against
quarrels on such subjects. As it happened—though the matter is of
no consequence—Whiteside was in the right, and even Mr. Roe-
buck admitted it, though the Honourable Gentleman must have
passed a bad night after such a condescension.
Wednesday. The Sister-in-Law Enfranchisement Bill made progress,
and it may be as well said here, that at the end of the week the Bill
once more passed the Commons, Mr. Beresford Hope opposing it,
and being defeated by 100 to 70.
Thursday. A great day for Israel. Mr. Punch had thought of
F the inelasticity of red tape some idea may be
derived from the subjoined bit of news announced
by the Globe:—
the strong pull of history and literature ! Old
Parr lived to be 150, it we mistake not; and
there may perhaps now exist some very extra-
ordinary exception to the rule of three-score-
and ten who has attained to the patriarchal age of 170 ; but if
there is any such old man or old woman still extant, that person is
some obscure individual, and no noble lord or lady whose feelings
would be likely to be hurt, or character compromised, by any reve-
lations of State secrets more than a century old. State doctors seem
to think that recent historical facts iare, like new bread, unwholesome
for digestion ; but surely transactions whose antiquity extends beyond
the memory of man, are quite stale enough. If History is not to take
cognisance, independently of the censorship of the Secretary of State,
of any matters recorded in the archives of the Foreign Office, the same
mystery might as well be maintained as to domestic affairs, and a
particular favour might be made of the gracious permission to divulge
the death of Queen Anne.
To the Heads of Families.—It is a familiar saying, that ladies
" keep men on by keeping men off." In other words, men are treated
by ladies much in the same fashion as their bonnets. They are both
held on by being kept back.