Punch (35.1858)

64 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 14, 1858.

THE LOG OF THE PERA.

by 0tjr own m.p.

might have preluded his anecdotes — ' The other day when I was
dining with Lord Derby,' or 'The first cruise that I took with
my friend the Earl of Malmesbtjry :' from which the inference
might have been, that the birthplace of the Wiscount had been a bed
of strawberry-leaves and not plebeian parsley.

" Half-past—The, House has risen to the upper deck, and one or
two cigar-cases have been opened for discussion.

welve o'clock, Meridian,
Tuesday, August 3.—It is
the early passenger that
picks out the best berth.

So a covey of the downy I " Quarter to.—A debate is going on as to the comparative anatomy
birds have come down by j of Southampton Water and the Thames. Tite, who was appointed
first, train, and, having paid ; on the Thames-Sniffing Committee, says, that of all comparisons, this
their money, are now making was the most 'odorous.' You might as well compare rose-water
their choice. We are bound witli ditch; and, as for the anatomy, there were as many carcases of

dead dogs in the Thames as would cover Salisbury Plain a quarter of
a mile thick. _ Ayrton says what Tite says is entirely a mistake, and
the Thames is really no more of a nuisance than he (Ayrton) is
himself. As for the dead dogs, they gave a ' body' to the water ; and
his City friends assured him that poor people who were used to it
rather liked the flavour. For his own part, he confessed he never
had thought much of the corrupt state of the Thames; and now he
was away from it, he thought less of it than ever. Nevertheless, his
want of thought on that (or any other) subject would not prevent his
speaking on it to any required length; and, if the House would
kindly grant him their indulgence, he was prepared to let the current
of his speech flow on, in every bit as smooth and silvery a course as
did the noble river whose meandering stream * * *' Here, for-
tunately for our ears, the dinner-bell was rung, andAYRTON's ceaseless
clapper for the nonce was muffled.

to see ' at Cherbourg the
marvels of Egvpt;' but,
from the Great Pyramid of
luggage which is heaped
upon her deck, one would
fancy that the Pera had
been chartered to the latter
place instead of to the
former. Bets are being
booked as to whether or no
the Baron will come and
take his seat with us; and
the advent of a footman
carrying three hat-boxes has
been regarded by the back-
ers as a favourable omen.

istering a vow that, in case
the B. should venture to show his nose on board, the Lily and the Bee
will immediately hook it. So we are all doubly anxious to see the
' double event''come off ; as the riddance would not be less pleasant
than the presence.

"Five minutespast.—k. look-out man has just been sent to the mast-
head, with orders to hooray when he sights the B.'s proboscis.

" Ha f-an-hour later. —The odds are 6 to 2 now that the nose don't
show. An M.P., who shall be nameless, says he is afraid the Jew is
not a Jew de spree. (I conceal the M.P.'s name, purely out of
kindness to an aged relative, whose Grey hairs such a joke might
bring with sorrow to the grave.)

"1'35 to 2'30, Railway Time.—Five-and-fifty minutes of the most
intense anxiety. A Committee of the Whole House have been sitting
on the wines, and have relieved their minds by making a most
favourable report.

" 2 35 —Jolly Old Charley comes on board, amid the cheering of
the crew. The old Sandboy looks as pleased as though he'd been ap-
pointed to command the fleet: but, as Jamie Graham said, it's as
much as he can do now to command himself. Of course the Old Salt
takes his oath at the time he takes his seat with us. When we tell
him that the Wine-Tasting Committee have just risen, he burats out,
'That be bl—w—d ! I move that they sit down again.' Motion put
and carried, nemine contradic.

" Three.—Committee still sitting. Fresh supplies voted.

Four.—Committee still sitting. Further evidence required in re

" {Rather more than Railway time allowed here for Refreshment.)
One o'clock" Nine o'clock.-The House is all serene, and some more port has
ren has been solemnly re- been voted. An amendment, that for 'port' the word 'coffee' be

inserted, has been proposed by the Economist, and lost amid loud
cheering: there being nobody to second it.

" Half-past— Charley on his legs, supported by those next him.
Begs to a;ive shealth of all our absh-ut-frensh, coupling zhetoash
withsholefren Shimmy Grame. Air, by the Band — 'Should auld

acquaitita?tce be forgot'

" Ten o'clock.—The House sticks bravely to the port. Fortiter
occupat portum, as some classical chap says. The harmony of the
evening is being well supported. Some good songs have been sung,
Sam Warren volunteering—'If I had but Ten Thousand a-year,' of
which he says he holds the copyright. Samuel wouldn't give us
' Hoop de dooden doo,' because he hadn't blacked his face, and hadn't
brought his banjo. He says he never sings it excepting en costume.
So his aversion to the Jews, perhaps, arises from the fact that he's
a Christian Minstrel.

"Eleven.—The Wiscount has most graciously been pleased to make a
joke. The House having Resolved to order some more port, the Great
Economist attempted to negative the vote by saying, ' If you fellows
go on drinking as you do, you '11 find we 're out of port before we leave
the harbour.' Charley crying, 'Question!' the purport of the joke
was, wit h some difficulty, explained to him; and he then called the
Great Economist an ' ole borrelstoppin huuimug,' and indistinctly
muttered something about ' sharpeninsh cutlashes,' and pouring in a
'broadshide' if he only got ' longshidim.'

" Quarter to.—Motion being made for ' just one Magnum to top up
with,' the Wiscount, puts amendment, ' that the House do now adjourn.'
the Madeira^"*"""1^^ 0iU""*6' v""""""" " ' J The amendment being negatived by 99 to 1, the W. adjourns himself

amid derisive cheering

" 4"35.—Committee still sitting. Charley jollier than ever. Swears
if Jamie G. don't show he'll have him clapped in irons, for being " Midnight—As the last toast of the evening, the Speaker gives
a deserter. And why ain't Charley Wood here, shiver his old ' the Ladies,' which Charley wishes to amend to ' the health of th
timbers! old women, coupling with it the name of the one who has just left us.

"Five o'clock.—The Wiscount have arrived, and have been a-coming "Rather later — (My watch has virtuously stopped, so I can n
down on the Committee for wasting the Supplies. The most insidi- longer give time exactly.) Charley getting glorious. He has bee
ous attempts were put in practice by the Ciiairman to seduce the I voting that 'the House do dance upon the table;' and the motm
noble Spartan to wet his noble whistle: but the wirtue of the | being negatived, he volunteers a hornpipe, which proves to be, a r

Wiscount has again proved incorruptible. Some rude person
said something about the Pera having paddles, and not wanting a
screw in her. But this remark the Spartan affected not to hear : and
on seeing him assume the attitude he uses when he means to make a
speech, the Committee rose in terror, and left the Great Economist
the master of the field.

"Quarter past.—A rumour is afloat that the Wiscount have been
' sold,' and that has put him in bad temper. It is said that he ex-
pected to find the Peers on board, from having heard the name of
the vessel was the Pera. It is known that though the W. says he
' ates the Haristocracy,' he in fact would give his ears to be considered
one of t hem: and if the Lords had been on board to-day, it is
possible his name might have crept into the Papers, with the handle
to it, which we only playfully affix. Besides, for years to come, he

Saltation is infectious, and several jigs are danced; the Scotch Mem
bers declaring they mean to have their Fling.

"Rather later still.—The House is turning in.

" Some few minutes after.—The House is sound asleep and snoring
One would not be far out if one said that the Nose had it."

Abdication of James.—Left Richmond — gone to Venice. 0
course, we are talking of onx dear voluminous friend, G. P. R.

Chinese Definition.—Pride objects to carry a cotton umhreii
and gets wet through for its pains.