Punch (35.1858)

172

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVATH. (October 23, 1858.

ALL ABOUT NOTHING.

An apostate is a human wind-
mill, who makes his bread by
turning.

We should not care so much
about growing old, if others didn't
see it.

Impudence frequently arises from
a desire to please and the fear of
not succeediug.

Ion may compare Imagination
to a pretty young girl who cheats
at cards. The cheating is so agree-
able, and withal so playful, that,
far from stopping the game, you
rather encourage the young lady
in her tricks.

A Frenchman carries France
about with him everywhere. In
Leicester Square, or America,—at
sea, or outside an omnibus—you
I can always tell that he is a French-
i man. When travelling, his great
idea is, in thinking about how to
get back again to France. He
never should travel out of his
own country. He would give the
grandest view in the world to
catch a glimpse of his beloved
Paris. _ To him, the Universe is
comprised in the four corners of
the Boulevards. Elsewhere are
only so many realms of ennui.

HINT TO GENTLEMEN RIDING HOME AFTER DINNER.

ufper-class examinations.

Q. Give an example of the de-
grees of comparison.
A. Positive, Teach. Comparative,

Never carry " Patent Vesuviennes," 2d a Box, in tour Coat-tail Pocket. | Teacher. Superlative, Tea-chest.

"RT^PPTTTTTATp AT ttjt? T»f a atctaat tji-vttctti acquaintance with the feelings of military gentlemen,

KLLKUIILNCt Al I HE MANSION HOUSE. and a rather dun idea of the dignity of the British

ell, my deau
Lord Mayor, —
I cannot tell you
how much instruc-
tion blended with
amusement you af-
ford me, by the beau-
tiful moral reflec-
tions and didactic
remarks which you
are accustomed to
make in the admi-
nistration of justice.
Established truths
come mended from
your tongue; and
the weight of your
general observations
is paralleled by the
wisdom of the ad-
vice which you are
in the habit of giving
to the offenders who
are brought before

you. I was particularly struck with the excellence of the counsel which your I Among the announcements in our friend and contem-
Lordship is represented in the police reports to have given, tin other day, to a j porary, Bell's Life, last week, we noticed this:—

penit ent, perhaps, but certainly an habitual, thief. The followine dialogue is1 • ■ Two Brothers who have never gained a £1, are ready to walk."

described as having taken place between your Lordship and the prisoner ^ wouM certaidy seem that the s00ner the lazy useless

' The Lord Mayor How have you got your living of late? j 1 j WR\C + he Detter Australia is Open to them, SO is

"Prisoner. To tell the truth, i've lived for years by thieving. I am very ill at the present ^QS 7 \ lUVUCJ „' ilrT0 fl,P1V thriftW

time, and don't know what to do with myself. ; Canada, where they may learn to improve their turittiess

•' The Lord Mayor. i have received information that you are ill. i shall commit you to Hoi- j lives. But We don't See why Bell's Life should devote its
loway Gaol for three months, and i have no doubtgwheu you are taken there you will be placed ! VH]noVile SDace to such news
in the infirmary. When you come out of prison i hope you will enlist in toe army. Have you ^

ever tried to enlist? ==============-

" Prisoner. No, my Lord.

•' Tne Lord Mator. Then i advise you to try that." THE Rose Ctstille is, as at present performed, the

But, my dear Lord Mayor, this advice of yours to the pickpocket (whom you sweetest Opera yet known; for in it, besides the Rose

committed for three months for stealing a watch) is, I will not say remarkable I itself, we have two Pynes, one Mellon, and a little

tor benevolence rather than judgment; but, indicative of a somewhat slight Honey.

soldier. Although the manner of those gentlemen is gene-
rally marked by courtesy and politeness, and by a re-
spectful bearing towards personages of exalted station, I
should not be surprised to hear, if you have come into
contact with any officers lately, that they have questioned
you about the advice which you gave the pickpocket in
a tone of something like rudeness. If a Colonel, a Cap-
tain, or indeed any officer, has recently had the honour
of meeting your Lordship, I dare say he has, no doubt
to your indignant astonishment, asked you what the deuce
you were thinking about when you advised a thief, who
had lived for years by thieving, to enlist in the army?
That you might as well give that question some considera-
tion, is the humble suggestion of even your Lordship's
reverential admirer, ^B?Hj|?C?&.

P.S. Compare Her Majesty's Service with that of a
Haberdasher. Do you think an ex-thief eligible for the
latter. Would you advise him to try that? It is too
practical a civic joke to recommend a rogue to leave the
Knavy and enter the Army.

LAUDABLE INTENTION.