Punch (35.1858)

194

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 13, 1858.

" A NEAT THING IN PARASOLS."

THE BATTLE OF BANKRUPTCY.

Yesterday, the case of Judas Penniboy, bankrupt, came ou again
in the Bankruptcy Court before Mr. Commissioner Propane. Mr.
Brown attended for the assignees, Mr. Jones for several creditors,
and Mr. Robinson for the bankrupt. The following scene ensued :—

Mr. Jones. Before resuming the discussion of this important case,
your Honour—

Comm. I suppose you call it important, Sir, as a hint to me to pay
more attention to it than I should otherwise do. I can tell you that
I shan't. Now then.

Mr. Jones. I meant nothing, your Honour—

Comm. No, your words never have much meaning. I will say that
of them. Go on.

Mr. Jones. It is difficult to go on, Sir, in the presence of this kind
of remark

Comm. Is it? Who cares? Do you think it is anything to me
whether you go on or not ? Where's the newspaper ?
Mr. Brown. I would sworn it, Sir—

Comm. You'd better, Sir, I can tell you that. Everybody had better
submit here, if they know what's good for them.

Mr. Brown. I would submit to your Honour, that my friend,
Mr Jones—

Comm. Oh, is he your friend ? Wish you joy of your friendships.
Noscitur a sociis. Very good article this in the paper. {Reads.

Mr. Robinson. It is satisfactory to me, your Honour, as representing
the bankrupt, to see your opinion of the persecution to which this ill-
used man has been subjected—

Comm. I never said he was persecuted, Sir, nor thought so. I '11
trouble you not to put words into my mouth. {Throws down paper.)
Are we going to be all day ? Is the case to go on, or not ?

Mr. Jones. If your Honour would do me the favour to listen—

Comm. You have no right to ask me a favour, Sir. I am a judge, at
least so I am given to understand, and therefore it is my duty to listen
when anything that is fit to be listened to is said to me.

Mr. Jones. I humbly hope to induce your Honour to class what I
am about to say in that category.

Comm. What's category ? What do you use such a word here for ? It
is not a legal word. It would do for a charade—my first's a cat, my
second's a vowel, my third is bloody, and my whole is a nonsensical
word uttered by a pedantic attorney. Send it to the London Journal,
Sir, our business is with the London Gazette.

Mr Jones {in a great rage). Your Honour is so painfully facetious
that I must await your returning to a more judicial frame of mind.

Comm. I don't know what you mean by judicial, but the bankrupt's
a Jew, and I am going to dish him. Now. what's your application ?

Mr. Jones. The accounts which the bankrupt, so properiy described
by your Honour,—

Comm. I don't want your good word.

Mr. Jones. Far be it from me to give it you, Sir. The bankrupt's
accounts, then, are, I unhesitatingly say, entirely incomprehensible.
Comm. He's not bound to find you accounts and brains too, you know.
Mr. Jones. He is not, Sir. But these accounts are evidently cooked!
Comm. If you can't address a court of justice, Sir, without using slang
phrases, you had fetter sit down, and hand your papers to somebody
who can.

Mr. Brown. I will not go so far as my friend—
Comm. Who cares how far you go ? Only mind you don't go too far
with the Court, that's all.

Mr. Brown. I must say, Sir, that menaces are things I am not
accustomed to hear from the lips of judges of much higher position
than your Honour.

Comm. Then they don't know certain advocates so well as I do.

Mr. Brown. I endeavour to discharge my duty-

Comm. I shall discharge the case, if you don't leave off talking, and
come to business. What point do you make ?

Mr. Brown. The unintelligibility of the accounts-

Comm. Deuced long word that; {counts on fingers) one, two, three,—
eight syllables, by George ! I should think you could say aldiboronti-
phoskiphorniosticus. Well, you can't understand the accounts, you
say?

Bankrupt. S'elp me, they're all right, my tear gentleman—all as
right as ninepence. They vas draw'd hout by me and my friend,
Boses Isaacs, as is as hupright and promiscuous a gent as you'd not
meet nowheres; and they took us all shobbus vas a veek, him and
me with. On my honour, it's all serene.

Mr. Jones. I hear no rebuke of the bankrupt for talking slang,
Mr. Brown.

Comm. If you talk at me, Sir, I'll commit you. How do you
answer the bankrupt's statement, Mr. Brown ?

Mr. Brown. 1 have no doubt that he and the accomplice he names
made up the figures, or that they are worthy of them.

Comm. Who's worthy of what? what's worthy of whom? Who's
they? what's them? Is that the way to address a court of justice?
Where's my hat ?

Mr. Brown. It is impossible to repose any faith in such a document.

Comm. {to himself). This hat doesn't wear so well as the last I had.
To be sure, that was in the summer; and this one has been at the
seaside, which makes a difference.

Mr. Brown. If I might ask your Honour's attention.

Comm. I think I'll have the next more turned up in the brim, more
shape about it. Well, what now ?

Mr. Brown. Suppose your Honour were to adjourn the case?

Comm. Suppose the moon were made of green cheese ?

Mr. Robinson. I protest. I claim that my client do pass. He has
had a great deal of unmerited trouble: one of his wives has run away,
he has burned down his house, and the Insurance Companies resist
payment, a little speculation by which he humbly hoped to retrieve
the wreck of his fortunes by passing forged notes has not succeeded,
and if he have erred he has suffered, and this Court will not be the
engine for bruising the broken reed.

Bankrupt {howling). It's all true, s'elp me Abrahams, Isaacs, and
Jacobs.

Comm. I don't see much in this case. {Walks out of Court.

Brown. )

Jones. > But, your Honour, if you please-.

Robinson. )

Comm. (from Washing-room). Where's the soap ?
Bankrupt. Ain't I to pass, your 'eavenly Honour.
Comm. shuts the door.

[The Solicitors look at one another, and remark that this is a pleasant
state of things. They wait for some time, and then take their
bags and go away. After a time the Commissioner re-enters.
Comm. Judas Penniboy, you rascal, do you think I'm not up to you ?
[ commit you for the rest of your natural life. I left my umbrella
here. Have you taken it ? It would be just like you ? No, here it is.
Go to prison, you scoundrel.

{The Court withdraws.)

THE TAP AND THE EOUNTAIN.

Enthusiastic in the cause of moral reformation endeavoured by
moral suasion, or physical allurement, and not by the least interference
with personal liberty, we cannot too highly commend the philanthropy
which is erecting public drinking fountains in our principal cities, to
the considerable prevention of drunkenness. Wholesome water to
drink turns out to be the real corrective of the propensity to excess in
liquor. What a philosophical, what a beautifully simple, remedy!
And what bad beer must that be which the thirsty working classes are
so easily weaned from by mere good water ! What a tap, that is so
readily relinquished for the fountain !

The Experience of Life.—What a fool I've been.