Punch (35.1858)

November 20, 1858.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,

205

A STAIRCASE FULL OF LAWYERS.

OUR FIRST FLOOR (Continued).

S Messrs. Easy and Co.
occupy a whole floor on
both sides of' our stair-
case, and employ numerous
clerks, it would be hardly
polite to pass by their staff'
unnoticed. I don't want
to disturb your slumbers,
Mr. Punch, but I fear you
will lose your equanimity
when I mention the start-
ling fact, that there are
certainly not less than
eleven thousand Attorneys
in England and Wales—
our canny neighbours
across the Tweed are free
of the profession; but ask
MacSawney of Sawney,
' whether he ever heard of
such a thing as a Writer
to the Signet?' If, Mr.
Punch, you ever take an
estate in the Land o' Cakes
and try the experiment of
building a wall one inch
beyond your boundary line,
or directly or indirectly,
with or without malice
aforethought, commit the smallest act of trespass, you will find out
that you can enjoy the luxury of litigation quite as well under a
W. S. as an Attorney. But this is wide of the mark and nihil ad rem
to our present subject, as I am going to introduce to you some
most worthy and industrious gentlemen, who, assuming that the
eleven thousand Attorneys employ, on an average, from tour to five
clerks each, represent a class of some fifty thousand educated men.
When a half-starved postman purloins a half-sovereign out of a
letter, which has been purposely inserted as a trap to try his honesty,
the world raises a cry ' Hit him hard, he has no friends—he's
only one of those infernal postmen stealing money again;' or when
some drunken lawyer's clerk pulls off a knocker or breaks a bell, Ma.
Alderman Humbug breaks out in a torrent of eloquence, to the
wilful murder of the Queen's English, and lectures the unfortunate
Bacchanalian on the double crime of ' being drunk and disorderly,'
and especially for being one of the dissipated class of lawyers' clerks.
1 am afraid both postmen and lawyers' clerks often get a double
allowance of punishment when they get into trouble—but as 1 said
before, Messrs. Easy's Clerks are waiting to be introduced.

"I pass over the Managing Clerks, who have been admitted Solicitors,
and are here to-day and gone to-morrow, toiling for other people one
day, and tumbling into a partnership the next; men who have the
prizes in the lottery to induce them to work, and who can command
money and influence to back them ; and I beg to present to you, Mr.
Punch, those who are always labouring at the oar without any prospect
of reward beyond an occasional increase in salary.

" On the right you see Mr. Ledger the Accountant and Cashier-
You hear sovereigns rattling in his tin box at all hours of the day like
a peal of bells. No one knows the amount of money which goes
through his hands in the course of a year; still, drop upon him when
you may, he will put his hand on any charge, whether it be a sixpenny
parcel by Bail way which came yesterday, or an advance of £20,000 to
Lord Hardup five years ago.

" The middle-aged man with the bald head is Mr. Careful. He
came in as office-boy at ten years old, and has been forty-three years in
the house; he has a knack of whistling one tune (the only one he
knows) somewhat imperfectly, and he has done so ever since he was a
boy, and if you ask him about it, he tells you that he never expects to
know it thoroughly. Mr. Careful's business is keeping the papers,
and Funny, who is the office wag, declares that Mr. Careful's habit of
perpetual whistling keeps them dusted. It is a matter of indifference
to Careful whether the papers which were put away last night
or thirty years ago are required, as he could tell you in his sleep the
box or shelf where they are.

" Mr. Funny, who runs a little to jewellery, is the out-of-door
man, and atteuds to the Chancery and Common Law. He has a
cheerful off-hand way of doing his work, in which he is very proficient,
and he jumbles up chaff and summonses at Judge's Chambers, and his
own sayings, and other people's jokes, and his talk becomes a medley
of Law and Joe Miller. He has just come from the Offices; now
listen to him:—' Mr. Ledger, will you be good enough to advance me

Vol. 3£

a halfpenny; I'm going to Manchester on business, and want some-
thing to pay my Railway fare' {no answer). 'Mr. Careful, have you
a pair of scissors ?' (Mr. Careful goes and fetches them.) ' Will >ou
be kind enough to cut off a lock of my hair, and take it to the Vice
Chancellor with my compliments :—he announced to-day that he would
not sit again until after the vacation, and he would take it as a
compliment—'

" Enter the Office Messenger.

" Mr. Muff wants Mr. Funny. ' Yes, by Jove, I expect he does'
says Funny ; ' he wants to know what is the first step to take in some
action, or some other thing which the office boy could tell him.' Between
ourselves, Mr. Punch, quite in confidence, there is not a man amongst
the eleven thousand Attorneys whose measure is not pretty accurately
taken by the office, and if Mr. Muff, or Ma. Sly? of the firm of
Greedy and Sly, Thieves' Inn, could see their portraits as drawn by
the lookers-on, I firmly believe they would never sleep again until
they resolved to amend their ways. Mr. Sly would learn the useful
hint, that if he wants men to be honest, he must treat them with proper
respect, and neither bully nor spy upon them; and Mr. Muff would
learn that his conceit and ignorance could not be carried off by giving
twenty times more trouble than is necessary to every one about
him.

" Mercury, the Messenger at Messrs. Easy's, is a great characte r.
He is always wet through on rainy days, and in bad weather you rarely
come down Lower Temple Lane without meeting Mercury beating up
against the wind, with an umbrella which has seen its best days, if it
ever saw any good days within the memory of man. Mercury is one
of the most obliging and contented of beings, and I think he must be a
good physiognomist, as he always jokes with the right man. The last
time I was at Messes. Easy's Chambers, on asking Mercury if Mr.
Easy was at Chambers, the answer was, ' No, he's not come yet, Sir ;
and between you and me, Sir, Mr. Easy is getting idle, and doesn't
earn his money, and I shall give him the sack, if he doesn't look out.
I know he will be up to-day though, for they are all going to the Optra
to-night, as I've lent them my box. Mr. Easy, you see, Sir, is a good
fellow, and I like to show him a little attention.'

" As to Mr. Prosy, the grey-headed old gentleman in spectacles,
who wears drab trousers and gaiters, he is the greatest man in the
House. He has a room to himself, and is the confidant of the partners.
He was in the office when Mr. Easy served his articles, and has
worked his way to a very comfortable position. There are three figures
to Mr. Prosy's quarterly cheque, and he is well to do. The old
Clients of the House would as soon think of flying as omitting to have
a chat with Mr. Prosy, and the young gentlemen who are serving
their time delight in him, Tom Chaffer goes in with a solemn face,
and requests a few words in private, and when the old gentleman has
settled himself comfortably in his chair, and adjusted his spectacles,
Tom informs him that a report is circulated that he, Mr. Prosy, was
seen going down to the fight for the championship in a green cutaway
and gilt buttons, accompanied by a lady in a red dress and pink
bonnet, and begs to know in confidence whether the report is true.

" The Copying Clerks, who for a remuneration varying from a pound
to two pounds a week, are content to work for eight or nine hours
a day, earn their daily bread as hardly and honestly as any class of
Her Majesty's subjects. Imagine, Mr. Punch, for one moment, if
there was to be a strike amongst the lawyers' clerks in England, and
many thousands of men, who know the secrets of all classes, were
thrown on the world, surrounded by a set of scoundrels who would
bid high for ' information.' There are always rogues about who are
ready to pay 'for information' from those who will betray_ their
employers' secrets; and it is my impression, Mr. Punch, that it is a
very little ' information' which they can obtain. There are some
black sheep in all classes, and a few drunken rascals who are brought
up in a bad school of sharp practitioners, occasionally bring discredit
on their order; but generally speaking, these poor gentlemen are
deserving of our respect. When Captain Flashy rolls into the
office with his hat cocked, and a glass in his eye, and asks for one of
the partners with a rough military voice, and scowls at the Clerks as a
set of snobs beneath his notice, he simply shows his ill-breeding and
want of manners; but when Lord Cheerful comes in and erives them
a good humoured nod all round, and wishes them ' a Merry Christmas,'
he does an act which costs him nothing, and throws as it were a ray of
sunshine on their labours; and you may be sure, Mr. Punch, if an
important message or letter has to be conveyed to his Lordship's
house, there are plenty of willing messengers.

" Let me warn Messrs. Muff, and Sly, and Greedy, and all men
of their class who look upon those beneath them as so many machines
for making money, that their dependants are of the same flesh and
blood, and have as refined feelings as themselves, and that Attorneys
are only tenants for life of their prosperity, at the expiration of
which term the covenants in their leases will be looked into pretty
sharply, when their own case is called on—so let them mend their
ways, that, when they slipJJieir.anchors, they may have their Clerks"
' prayers in their sails.' "

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