Punch (35.1858)

214

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[November 27, 1858.

THE PLAGUE OF ADULTERATION.

A Popular Complaint to a Popular Air.

Oe, have you heard the tales of late,

How tradesmen all adulterate,

There's scarce a thing now, sad to state,

That's free from Adulteration.
Your tea is mere chopped hay and sticks,
Your Wallsend's safe to burn like bricks,
With sand your sugar so they mix,
That daily in your throat it sticks ;
Your coffee is chicory, beans, and bones,
Your jeweller sells you paste for stones,
In short whate'er you purchase owns

Some taint of Adulteration.

Chorus.

Hocus, pocus ! fee, fo, fum!
No wonder we all look so glum,
For nothing but ill-health can come
From the Plague of Adulteration.

Your best kid-gloves are really rat,
Your butter is pig's lard mixed with fat,
Your mutton-pies are made of cat,

By this plaguy Adulteration!
Your beer is strychnine, salt and slops,
And everything save malt and hops;
And if you rashly call for wine,
I would not that your fate were mine !
Of lees and logwood port is made,
And even worse things, I'm afraid,
And sherry is now so tricked in trade,

'Tis nought but Adulteration.
Chorus.—Hocus, pocus ! &c.

Where'er you go, whate'er you buy,

Whatever "noted shop" you try,

For genuine goods in vain you cry,

Nought's sold but Adulteration.

You ask for a loaf of wheaten bread,

And they serve you with alum and " daff " instead,

vVhich on your stomach he like lead,

*r- r ■ ! ■ j i -ij « tt'4» -<i 7 n v^7.v«\ <,.„•„„ j„, t,„mA And make a torment of your bed;

Miss Lajeune (having made so decidtd a "Hit with her Crinoline) tries her hand If then in drugs you seek relief,

upon the last new fashionable Hat, and her ingenuity is crowned with success. You find they but increase your grief,

- — ! Near every chemist's now a thief,

THE NON-ADHESIVE POSTAGE-STAMPS.

And deals in Adulteration!

Chorus.

Hocus, pocus ! fee, fo, fum !
No wonder we all look so glum,

The increase in the sale of the stamped numbers of this periodical (price four-
pence), always vast, has lately become enormous. The reason is, that those; For notliin0, but ill-health can come
numerous subscribers who wish to send it to Vancouver's Island, Sarawak, the j From the Plague of Adulteration!
Poles, and other remote regions, are, by the stamp on the number of Punch, j

assured that Punch will reach his destination. The impressed stamp cannot be < ■
removed by any violence short of absolute scraping, whereas the postage-stamp, i

now ironically called adhesive, rubs off with the very slightest friction, if it can be THE MOST MODEL OF ALL MODEL SPEECHES.

SS mucKolafbeS I WJSJXS Se t To TwkTgrea^ . The Telegram from Madrid brings us ^Mo^scrap
deal of trouble and the help of gum-arabic. The non-adherent property of the : of startKlin- mformf* 0V^ft? nf TZ'rt ,
penny-postage stamp is owing to the paste at the back of it being good-for- ]fver b^.eu exceeded by a Telegram (out of America)
nothing. We should suppose that it was made of some such stuff as potato-starch,: deiore ■ * „ telegkaph t0 mr ee1jter.)
but for a certain positive peculiarity for which it is remarkable. This is an abo- "Madrid Wednesday.

minably nasty taste, bad enough to make anybody sick that has many letters to " The Royal speech will express very clearly the intentions'of
write, and unwisely sticks his Stamps on them with his mouth. ! Government on the political and economical questions of the day."

The truth of the matter probably is, that some quack has humbugged the Post- TM ■ .« dearly," much more than a Royal Speech
Office authorities into using a cheap substitute ior gum or paste, which he pre- did > EngJland i We should advise LoRD Derbt to
™- i™ted-:a bad form of dextrine, or some rubbish of that sort. d t ^adrid for a of this wonderful docu-

Uis stuff may be conceived to have been manufactured out of very dirty rags; , that he k ft before him as a modeL By
but we should not be at all surprised if it turns out to be thick Thames-water M ^ we £ave> for the first time in this country,
evaporated. The ruling powers of the Post-Office are right m being eco- M d { £peech from the throne. As a favourable ex-
nomical, though they might as well be a little more extravagant than they are m j , ^ M nke fo bg favoured on the 19tih of

their remuneration of letter-carriers; and certainly they ought to afford the public , j * > next with „the intentions of Government" with
efficient postage-stamps at any rate ot cost. Government not only saves, but also d\0 the' « political and ecollomical questions of the

MfJl 6al °imr^ by the US6leSS Stamf,S 1S^ed fr- t+hefP?ut-(?^e- day" generally, £nd the Reform Bill particularly.
£ irst, the stamp is rubbed off, vame one penny; then the recipient of the letter J 6 " v

has to pay twopence ; postage on an ordinary letter, threepence altogether. To =============-

this imposition, the nauseous flavour of the postage-stamps, added in connection

witti the economy of their manufacture, justly entitles them to be described as Theory of Shooting Stars,

cheap and nasty. _=_===^=____^^=____ By the ancients the stars were supposed to be the repre-

A Matron's Mistake.—Mrs. Caddy, having been informed by somebody
that Ribandism was making sad progress in Ireland, exclaimed, "Ah, drat 'em;
it's just like 'em—the good-for-nothing hussies !—and only shows how right the
savin' is, ' No Irish need apply.' "

sentatives of the great monarchs, princes, and potentates
of the earth. There is, perhaps, something in this notion.
May not the falling stars, which are constant phenomena
about the beginning of November, be symbols of the
Mayors then going out of office ?