Punch: Punch (54.1868)

32 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 18, 1868.

AWKWARD S

T'lithers spends his Christmas at a Country House, and tiie first day, on the Ladies leaving the Table after Dinner,

HE JUMPS UP, AND OPENS THE WRONG DOOR.' !

LAME DUCKS.

; Mr. Punch—Dear Sir,

Though a very young man, I would, from feelings of humanity,
raise a warning voice against a system of gaming, which is no less
pernicious than polite. Don’t let me be mis-understood. So tar as
“ book-making” is concerned, my mind is a perfect blank. No man,
I believe, who can write a book ever makes oDe. My speculations
have been simple, my winnings, as I find on reference to my tablets,
-during the past season are as follows, viz. :—

10 Pairs of Paris gloves.

1 Perfumed Sachet.

Seal-skin Gauntlets and Collarette.

1 Diamond Ping (rose-cut-gipsy set).

Tennyson’s Idyls of the King, morocco gilt.

20 Complete Copies of Punch, from the Conquest downwards.

Tupper’s Proverbial Philosophy (half-calf).

3 Gold Pencil Cases.

Box of Cigarettes.

1 Jar of Preserved Ginger.

1 lb. of Ratafias.

1 Ivory Pan.

There! Am not I fortune’s favourite? Ought not your corre-
-spondent to leel flattered by the smiles of that whimsical arbitratrix,
•who blindfolded at the wheel, might be taken for the twin sister of
Justice on the Bench ? Bear in mind in every instance where I have
been a winner, I have nor, given, but accepted a challenge, and learn
with, incredulous surprise that all the challengers are my country-
cousins. Girls of spirit I admit, but so imperfectly educated in the
ethics of Tattersall’s as to exhibit au ignorance of turf obligations,
which to my moral sense is positively startling. They have lost, but
they don’t pay. And what makes it still more painful is not merely the
gav tone of indifference in which these defaulters refer to their debts
■of honour ; but the absence of those roseate tints which are the legacy
qf departed innocence, and afford some slight, consolation to sufferers
-like myself who ineffectually mourn over its remains.

Perhaps you may have observed, as I have done for some time past,
when contemplating the countenance of Beauty, that the crimson
| banner which conscience adopts as her peculiar signal of danger is now
rarely exhibited, and when displayed, is far more fugitive than formerly.
Speaking for myself, long after I arrived at man’s estate, I turned
scarlet when accused, whether justly or not, of revoking at short, :
whist, while the cousins aforesaid have been detected in offences [
equally heinous, and remained as passionless and pale as marble.

In conclusion, I would ask—as a man and a brother—are these irre- I
sponsible “persons” qualified to sit in a representative chamber—to !
revise our codes and digest our statutes ? Can legislative functions be [
safely vested in “ lame ducks,” and should not, all who answer to that
description be required to discharge their honourable obligations, I
before they bring in their bills ? Justinian.

Albany.

From a Standard Author.

The tradesmen who give insufficient weight are not likely to be
students of Ben Jonson, or, as they chuckle over small fines and great |
profits, they might turn to him, and find that he says (ironically, of
course),

“ And in short measures life may perfect be.”

Juvenile Intelligence.

An Association has been formed by a number of small boys, home
for the holidays, for the purpose of obtaining parliamentary reform.
In accordance with their enlarged views on that subject, it is their
determined intention to compel gingerbread-bakers to concede Reform
in parliament.

SHORT AND SWEET.

The Periodical Meteors. What are these ? Magazines that make a
flash for a time or two, and then suddenly disappear v