Punch (54.1868)

209

May 16, 1868.] PUN®, OR THE LONDON CT-TAPTVAPL

VOX ET PR/ETEREA NIHIL.

Sergeant (to Captain Tiffany, of the Volunteersy who has been drilling with the
Guards). “You should give the Word oe Command a little Louder, Sir;
the Men can’t Hear you.”

Captain Tiffany. “ Oh, but I’m not going to Damage my Tenor Voice,
you know, Sergeant!!”

A CABMAN’S COMPLAINT

Touching the late rise in fares, and the working cf it;
namely, that the higher the tariff of fares, the higher the
charge for cabs by proprietors.

It’s ’ard lines with us poor dear cabbies—

Ill-used and hinnocent as babbies !

Now tizzy fares to bobs is risen,

Poor Cabby finds the bobs aint his’n.

We made ourselves so precious busy
Till ’Ardy rose that hextra tizzy !

The party as we wished might get it
Was him as druv the cab, not let it.

We thought, acos we made the fuss,

In course, the tizzy’d be for us;

But—it’s enough to wex a saint—

We finds that now it’s come, it aint.

All on’t—if we’d known, we ’d been quieter—

Goes to the blessed proper-ietor.

They’ve clapped it on four-wheel and shoful,

Till what we pays is something woful!

We can’t ’arn money, nor yet love :

Drivers ? Blest if we are !—we ’re druv !

DIZZY AMONG THE PICTURES.

(Aro offence to the Premier.)

Mr. Punch,—Did you observe. Sir, that at the Royal
Academy Exhibition, there are a few pictures beneath each
of which is inscribed the name of its painter, together
with a statement of its subject, if needing explanation !
Bless every artist who has done this most needful thing !
If all exhibitors will in future do the same, they will save
your humble servant, if he lives to see it, and will no doubt
also save a great many other people, a pestilent vertigo,
brought on by constant and long-continued reference to
the catalogue. Visitors want catalogues to make notes
in, and, even although the pictures be labelled and ticketed,
will buy them nearly all the same. The works of Mr.
Hook deserve attention, hut how can you study them if,
when you would like t.o, giddiness in the head obliges
you to hook it ? This is no joke, but a question pro-
pounded in all seriousness, if, as you may say, by a giddy

Goose.

Church and State.—Beadle in Pull Big.

COSTUMES AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY.




The Opening of the Royal Academy Exhibition this year has, as a
matter of business, been interesting to artists of another class than the
brotherhood of the brush and the chisel. It must have proved very
beneficial to those whose art consists in the confection, as the technical
phrase is, of female costumes, namely, milliners and dressmakers; and
moreover, the liuendrapers and silk-mercers must have derived a con-
siderable haul from it. The length of many of the trains worn by the
ladies who visit t.ke picture-show of the Royal Academy might suggest
the supposition that their wearers regarded the Pioyalt.y of that Insti-
tution as being of a nature so absolute as to necessitate the display of
those flowing robes which etiquette demands at Court.

There are trains and trains—excursion trains and ladies’ trains.
By the former you go tripping; by the latter you get tripped up.
An excursion train taking the British Public to see a Volunteer
Review is long, but the trains worn by some of t.he fair visitors to the
above-named Exhibition may be said to have been longer; for the
excursion train is usually not more than long enough, whereas the
ladies’ trains are all too long, at least for any purpose other than the
purposes of business aforesaid. Bor no fellow, wedged in a crowd,
and contemplating the works of our best artists, can be expected
to look and see where he is treading. Hence ensue damage and
■destruction of skirts, to the loss of husbands and fathers, if to the
good of trade. Now, not only from a rational point of view, but with
regard to ostentation, the worst place in the world for long skirts is
a crowded room, where their presence is remarked in so far as it is
sensible to feeling only, and not to sight, being unperceived by the
eye, and felt by the soles, fn a picture gallery crammed with people
ihere is at any rate not that objection to short dresses that may be
felt by some of the softer sex whom they might elsewhere expose t,o
criticism such as the following, reported by tbe Paris Correspondent
of the Post, as pronounced by a lady on a Ball given by “ that tamed

queen of fashion,” Lady Pourtales, at which all the ladies had to
appear in “ robes courtes : ”■—

“ O triste, trbs triste, vue penible et affligeante! Que de vilains pieds pour deur
ou trois jolis ! Que d’extrficuites vulgaires et bourgeoises ! Que de pieds plats
portant un grand non, et que de mesalliances lourdement affiehees !”

Is it possible that splay feet, gout, corns, bunions, and thick ankles
have come to abound among fashionable Brenchwomen ? Then, doubt-
less, a prevalent deformity has prevailed in dictating the fashion ot long
dresses. If “ beetle-crushers ” are endemic, no wonder that trains are
the rage. ___

CABINET CEMENT.

This useful composition illustrates a remarkable property of political
substances—the attraction of cohesion. A house may be dissolved by
immersion in hot water, but, fortified with Cabinet cement, one indis-
pensable piece of furniture will remain to create astonishment for its
marvellous tenacity. Benches on which Ministers rely for support, are
prevented from coming to grief, i’n common with their occupants, by
aid of this consolidating agent. It is warranted not to soil the most
delicate hands, and will retain its efficacy for any length of time if kept
in the dark. Paities requiring it for packing, can be supplied with it
in sticks. Inquire for "‘Premier’s Patent Cabinet Cement.” The
genuine article is distinguished by the Government stamp, to imitate
which is felony.—[Advertisement.]

Ecclesiastical Eights.

The Report of the Commissioners on Ritualism contains the sug-
gestion that any difficulties should be referred to the decision of the
Bishop in Camera. Surely, this sounds uncommonly like a Camera
Obscura.