Punch (54.1868)

May 23, 1868.]

219

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

A HALF TRUTH.

Guard {of the Fatuous Railway Company, that still forbids tobacco). “ Strong
■Smell of Smoke, Sir ! ”

Passenger {his cigar covered by his newspaper). “ Ya-—as; the Party who has
JUST GOT' OUT HAS BEEN SMOKING FURIOUSLY ! ! ”

“ COME INTO THE GARDENS, MAUD.”

Come into the Gardens, Maud,

Now the bleak east wind has flown,

Come into the Gardens, Maud,

I shall wait at the gate alone ;

Tor rny uncle and aunt are going abroad,

And the day will all be my own.

Four !—a crowd of muslin moves,

And the glasses are stuck in the eye ;

Beginning I am to fear that my love’s
Afraid of a showery sky.

To fear for the feast of the monkey she loves
On the bun I’ve just been to buy.

There’s a sound of a Hansom near—

It has stopped at the entrance gate ;

She is coming, my duck, my dear,

She is coming, though rather late;

The brown bear dances like mad, like mad,

And the kangaroo lengthens his jump,

The parrots scream out “ so glad, so glad,”

And the camel distinctly says “ Hump(h) ! ”

She is coming (from Harley Street),

With her juvenile brother, Fred,

A belle who is hard to beat,

As the men in the Gardens said ;

A girl who is hard to beat,

From the little excuse on her head

To the little bottines on her feet—

And I know that I’m turning red.

A Mighty Lively Concern.

The Irish bishops and archbishops, in the address which
they presented the other day to the Queen, say “ we have
the strongest confidence that nothing which affects the
well-being of the Irish branch of our United Church can
be other than of liveliest concern to your Majesty.”
Now, on the contrary, is it not likely that the Queen
regards the Irish Church question as a matter of the
gravest concern ? With the exception of the persona-
lities interchanged between Mr. Disraeli and Mr.
Bright, which were extremely diverting, the debate on
that subject at least has been anything but lively.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.

IVIonday. May 1 \th. We forget how many times we have had to
write the following record, but here it is again, and we hope the Com-
mercial World is happy. “ The Bankruptcy Bill was abandoned for
the Session.” There was no hope of passing it, said Lord Chan-
cellor Cairns. What are the interests of ten thousand traders and
five hundred thousand creditors compared to the question whether
Disraeli or Gladstone shall lead the House of Commons ?

No more Public Executions. The Bill has passed both Houses.
Lord Ravenswokth—what reminds us of Lord Byron ?

“ To and fro, as the nightwinds blow,

The carcase of the assassin swings,

And tbeie alone, on the Haven Stone,

The Baven flaps his dusky wings.”

Because it has nothing to do with the matter—there is no hanging in
chains, no raven, and Lord Ravensworth is a very amiable gentle-
man—this inveterate habit of quotation will get us into a scrape some
day. Lord Bavensworth proposed that all prisoners in a gaol where
execution is done should be obliged to see it. The Duke of Rich-
mond thought that it would be unfair, as there were prisoners of
various degrees of guilt. We suspect that nine-tenths of them will not
thank him for depriving them of a sight, but he was logically right.
And there is an end of the Execution Mob, and Ihe arrangements will
in future be Academic—a hanging committee, a private view, and press
notices.

Lord Salisbury protested against the severiH of the Bill for
sending Bail way authorities to prison, if the aecounrs should be frau-
dulent, and Lord Cairns, smiling, softened the clause, and made a
guilty knowledge essential. Moreover, it was enacted thar, a railway
running twenty miles without stopping should be compelled to have I
communication between Passengers and Guards. This relieves all the i
short London trains from any such necessity, but we hope that those .

already fitted with such things will not, therefore, be dismantled. The
larger the population using a line, the more chance of meeting ruffians
or lunatics.

Mr. Corry and Navy Estimates in the Nether House. Estimates
a good bit over Eleven Millions of golden sovereigns. Criticism by
Mr. Childers, but not a halfpenny taken off, beloved Mrs. Grundy.

Tuesday. The Guardians of Guildford have imbibed an idea in the
interest of virtue. They think that no one is entitled to poor-law
relief, if he or she happens to be an unvirtuous character. Of course,
if we could carry out this Arcadian view, and obliterate all folks who
are at once poor and evil, it would be very charming ; but as the law
ordains that, virtuous or not, a pauper shall not bo starved to death,
we fear that the sun of Guildford charity will have to shine on the evil
and on the good. The question was raised in the Lords, and the
Guardians were pronounced wrong, but Lords Redesdale and
Overstone warn us against the increase of vagrous men.

Architecture gives our magnates a deal of trouble. The selection of
a Law Courts architect has got into a dreadful muddle, and the
Attorney-General has been called in as umpire—his decision is
awaited. As regards the new National Gallery, things are worse, for
Lord John Manners cannot make up his mind what architect to
employ. Considering that Mr. Punch has already furnished about a
dozen designs, and that the architect has only to carry out one of
them, Lord John had better say which, and take the first name that
comes out of a hat.

In the Lords this day and in the Commons on the next, there was
discussion on the Metric System of Weights and Measures, which is
adopted by nearly all other civilised nations, but which it is good clap-
trap to resist, call un-English, and otherwise abuse, and those who
seek the admiration of the stupid bid for it highly in this case. But
the Commons voted in Mr. Ewart’s Bill, by 217 to 65, which has
rather raised the Commons in Mr. Punch's esteem.

Her Majesty, addressed on the Irish Church, has been advised to
make the very gracious and very wise reply, that The Queen desires