DOI issue:
February 29, 1868
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16881#0099
91
February 29, 1S68.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
is awfully strong now. Cockburn, Blackburn, Lush, Hannen—
we say, Gentlemen of the Bar, you must talk very little nonsense there.
Like the wondrous things in The Yision, “ they four have eyes before
and behind.” Also we say,
Well played, my Lord Chelmsford, a capital cannon,
You minded your cue when you pocketed Hannen.
EXCELSIOR !
The chains of Trade were falling fast,
As to the Tory benches passed
A youth, through social snow and ice,
Who bore a flag with the device—
“Excelsior !”
His brow was brass : his eye, beneath.
Slept like a dagger in its sheath;
And, ’twist the stabs of his keen tongue.
Ever in under-tone there rung—
“ Excelsior ! ”
He smote his foemen black and blue,
His friends he served, a henchman true ;
He turned from Truth’s white mountain-throne,
And upwards pressed, with stifled groan—
“ Excelsior! ”
“ Try not that road ! ” Experience said,
“ Truth’s rocks hang threatening o’er thy head ;
The stream of Proof runs deep and wide.”
But, firm, that stubborn voice replied,
“ Excelsior! ”
“ Oh, stay,” fair Eiction cried, “ and rest
A laurelled head upon my breast! ”
A dash awoke his slumbrous eye,
But faded, as he gave reply,
“ Excelsior! ”
“ ’Ware Toryism’s rotten branch !
’Ware democratic avalanche ! ”
Such was calm Caution’s last good-night:
A voice replied, from Treasury height,
“ Excelsior! ”
As Tory Chieftains ofliceward
Expectant turned their keen regard,
Discussing chances, hopes, and fears.
His voice burst on their startled ears—
“ Excelsior! ”
There, on Ambition’s topmost round,
This climber at his goal was found.
Triumphant over snow and ice.
True to his flag and its device,
“ Excelsior! ”
For all his triumph, in cold blood,
Passionless, but not proud, he stood:
As from truth’s peaks, crowned with her star,
A proud voice rang above him far,
“Excelsior! ”
ONLY A PEG.
We read in the Star -.—
“The How. P. Stanley, M.P., wounded hia hand by slapping a chisel whilst
engaged in joinering, of which he is very fond. The wound, though very severe, is
rapidly healing.”
“ Slapping” is probably a misprint for “snapping,” but never mind
that. As Mr. Stanley is getting well, we don’t mind telling him that
he must have paid very little attention to the instructions of His
father, that eminent Cabinet-maker—and this gives us an opportunity
of expressing our satisfaction that the Earl of Derby is recovering
his health. Punch hopes to “play many a brother’s wager frankly”
with him.
The Vestments Divided Against Themselves.
The Justice of the Supreme Court of Natal, who has pronounced for
the validity of Bishop Colenso’s letters patent, is called “ Cope.”
This is a great blow to Bishop Geay and the Ritualists who sup-
port him. It is a case of Cope against Chasuble, Dalmatic, Alb, and
Tunic all put together. “ Hammer and tongs ” is a trifle to such
inter-vestment-ine warfare !
FRENCH ASSES ON THEIR ARMY BILL.
Being happily, for the present, at peace with all the world, France
merely wants a loan of four hundred million francs or so, which, her
Ministry confess, are to be chiefly spent in armaments. Only see what
a blessing it is to live a peaceful life, and to have no thought of worry-
ing one’s neighbours! The financier, M. Magne, is so happy in his
mind at the prospect of tranquillity that he actually is able to make a
little joke in the midst of his arithmetic. If faithfully reported, he tells
us that the present small addition of four hundred and forty million
francs to the Consolides is solely for the purpose of “ consolidating
peace.” It is entirely for this object that the large army of France is
largely to be increased. Some people may fancy that a big army, kept
idle, might be clamorous for war, but M. Magne has happily no such
foolish apprehension. Nor has he any fear that French braggarts may
make mischief by talking stuff like this :—
“ By sometimes inspiring terror, France has always made herself respected : and
for my part I would not permit a single stroke of policy to take place in Europe
without our permission.”
So braved Baron Brennier, in the debate upon the Army Bill; and
many a French jackass will probably lift up his voice in this same key.
General Count De la Rue, for instance, was pleased to echo thus
“ A nation like France must be assured of maintaining its preponderance abroad
and its security at home.”
A reign of “ terror ” and “ preponderance ; ” this, according to these
jackasses is, or ought to be, the aim of the Emperor of France. What
will be the cost of it no donkey ever calculates. Some asses even
fancy, or at least pretend to fancy, that great armies are, on grounds of
mere economy, good things. Hear, for instance, M. Rouland
“ As to the economical objection, I say that commerce and industry require pro-
tection and security, and for this object force is necessary to repel aggression. The
additional cost is an economical outlay, and the commercial class and the country
are well aware of this. When the country is strong, thanks to the patriotism and
prudence of the Emperor, then industry and busiuess transactions may proceed in
security, and disquietude will disappear.”
“ When the country is strong.” i. e. has a million soldiers idle and
waiting for a war, there is everywhere a dearth of labourers and crafts-
men, and works of commerce and of agriculture languish and die out.
In France, not less than England, “the commercial class and country
are well aware of this.” Hence the new French Army Bill is univer-
sally regarded as a bitter pill to swallow, and in spite of all the sugary
speeches of the Senators, the Erench will make wry faces before they
gulp it down.
“THE BOOK OF THE FARM.”
One of the Reviews of Darwin’s New Work, after quoting the
subject of the Second Volume, remarks:—“To all Country Gentle-
men, Farmers, and Breeders, these chapters will be as full of light and
interest as to all Biologists and Speculative Thinkers.” Does any pro-
fane person doubt it ? “ Country gentlemen,” of the finest old-crusted
Tory politics and views on education, &c., are far too solemn a theme to be
treated with levity ; but “farmers aud breeders”—-are they generally
the classmates of “ Biologists and Speculative Thinkers ? ” Old John
Stockwell, of Bathley Wood Farm, as good a judge of a beast as any
man in Midlandshire, hears of this wonderful new book of Mr.
Darwin’s, perhaps at the Market Table at the “ Clumber Arms,”
where nothing else is talked about but “ The Variation of Animals and
Plants under Domestication,” rides home, borrows the two stout
volumes from his clergyman, who is scientific, and subscribes to a
London Library, and in the company of his pipe, and with the stimulus
of some brandy-and-water, examines them for information about the
best method of crossing sheep. Let us look over his shoulder. “ The
laws of Inheritance and Reversion (Atavism) in Prsepotency and Limi-
tation of Sex.” Stockwell’s education closed at fourteen, his reading
since has not been varied or extensive, and the character of his hand-
writing is rude : he makes a conscientious effort to master the poly-
syllabic difficulties, but fails, Atavism in particular, which is delusively
placed within brackets as though it were a simple aud explanatory term,
meaning possibly great-grandmotherism, proving an impassable barrier.
He tries again—“ Hybridism”—and gets another tumble. Full of
pluck, he puts all his mind at what proves a regular stone wall—
“Provisional Hypothesis of Pangenesis,”—which so completely floors
him, that he throws Darwin down, is quite laborious with his pipe,
empties his tumbler, takes off his boots, aud as he goes up-stairs to bed,
resolves never again to stray away from Old Moore, the weather-glass,
and Bell's Weekly Messenger.
Saturday Afternoon.
Now is the time for the Crystal Palace * * [On referring to my
watch I find l have accidentally asserted a fact; now is the time for
the Crystal Palace,—so I must be off at once. More in my next.]
Yours truly, Richard Birdie.
February 29, 1S68.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
is awfully strong now. Cockburn, Blackburn, Lush, Hannen—
we say, Gentlemen of the Bar, you must talk very little nonsense there.
Like the wondrous things in The Yision, “ they four have eyes before
and behind.” Also we say,
Well played, my Lord Chelmsford, a capital cannon,
You minded your cue when you pocketed Hannen.
EXCELSIOR !
The chains of Trade were falling fast,
As to the Tory benches passed
A youth, through social snow and ice,
Who bore a flag with the device—
“Excelsior !”
His brow was brass : his eye, beneath.
Slept like a dagger in its sheath;
And, ’twist the stabs of his keen tongue.
Ever in under-tone there rung—
“ Excelsior ! ”
He smote his foemen black and blue,
His friends he served, a henchman true ;
He turned from Truth’s white mountain-throne,
And upwards pressed, with stifled groan—
“ Excelsior! ”
“ Try not that road ! ” Experience said,
“ Truth’s rocks hang threatening o’er thy head ;
The stream of Proof runs deep and wide.”
But, firm, that stubborn voice replied,
“ Excelsior! ”
“ Oh, stay,” fair Eiction cried, “ and rest
A laurelled head upon my breast! ”
A dash awoke his slumbrous eye,
But faded, as he gave reply,
“ Excelsior! ”
“ ’Ware Toryism’s rotten branch !
’Ware democratic avalanche ! ”
Such was calm Caution’s last good-night:
A voice replied, from Treasury height,
“ Excelsior! ”
As Tory Chieftains ofliceward
Expectant turned their keen regard,
Discussing chances, hopes, and fears.
His voice burst on their startled ears—
“ Excelsior! ”
There, on Ambition’s topmost round,
This climber at his goal was found.
Triumphant over snow and ice.
True to his flag and its device,
“ Excelsior! ”
For all his triumph, in cold blood,
Passionless, but not proud, he stood:
As from truth’s peaks, crowned with her star,
A proud voice rang above him far,
“Excelsior! ”
ONLY A PEG.
We read in the Star -.—
“The How. P. Stanley, M.P., wounded hia hand by slapping a chisel whilst
engaged in joinering, of which he is very fond. The wound, though very severe, is
rapidly healing.”
“ Slapping” is probably a misprint for “snapping,” but never mind
that. As Mr. Stanley is getting well, we don’t mind telling him that
he must have paid very little attention to the instructions of His
father, that eminent Cabinet-maker—and this gives us an opportunity
of expressing our satisfaction that the Earl of Derby is recovering
his health. Punch hopes to “play many a brother’s wager frankly”
with him.
The Vestments Divided Against Themselves.
The Justice of the Supreme Court of Natal, who has pronounced for
the validity of Bishop Colenso’s letters patent, is called “ Cope.”
This is a great blow to Bishop Geay and the Ritualists who sup-
port him. It is a case of Cope against Chasuble, Dalmatic, Alb, and
Tunic all put together. “ Hammer and tongs ” is a trifle to such
inter-vestment-ine warfare !
FRENCH ASSES ON THEIR ARMY BILL.
Being happily, for the present, at peace with all the world, France
merely wants a loan of four hundred million francs or so, which, her
Ministry confess, are to be chiefly spent in armaments. Only see what
a blessing it is to live a peaceful life, and to have no thought of worry-
ing one’s neighbours! The financier, M. Magne, is so happy in his
mind at the prospect of tranquillity that he actually is able to make a
little joke in the midst of his arithmetic. If faithfully reported, he tells
us that the present small addition of four hundred and forty million
francs to the Consolides is solely for the purpose of “ consolidating
peace.” It is entirely for this object that the large army of France is
largely to be increased. Some people may fancy that a big army, kept
idle, might be clamorous for war, but M. Magne has happily no such
foolish apprehension. Nor has he any fear that French braggarts may
make mischief by talking stuff like this :—
“ By sometimes inspiring terror, France has always made herself respected : and
for my part I would not permit a single stroke of policy to take place in Europe
without our permission.”
So braved Baron Brennier, in the debate upon the Army Bill; and
many a French jackass will probably lift up his voice in this same key.
General Count De la Rue, for instance, was pleased to echo thus
“ A nation like France must be assured of maintaining its preponderance abroad
and its security at home.”
A reign of “ terror ” and “ preponderance ; ” this, according to these
jackasses is, or ought to be, the aim of the Emperor of France. What
will be the cost of it no donkey ever calculates. Some asses even
fancy, or at least pretend to fancy, that great armies are, on grounds of
mere economy, good things. Hear, for instance, M. Rouland
“ As to the economical objection, I say that commerce and industry require pro-
tection and security, and for this object force is necessary to repel aggression. The
additional cost is an economical outlay, and the commercial class and the country
are well aware of this. When the country is strong, thanks to the patriotism and
prudence of the Emperor, then industry and busiuess transactions may proceed in
security, and disquietude will disappear.”
“ When the country is strong.” i. e. has a million soldiers idle and
waiting for a war, there is everywhere a dearth of labourers and crafts-
men, and works of commerce and of agriculture languish and die out.
In France, not less than England, “the commercial class and country
are well aware of this.” Hence the new French Army Bill is univer-
sally regarded as a bitter pill to swallow, and in spite of all the sugary
speeches of the Senators, the Erench will make wry faces before they
gulp it down.
“THE BOOK OF THE FARM.”
One of the Reviews of Darwin’s New Work, after quoting the
subject of the Second Volume, remarks:—“To all Country Gentle-
men, Farmers, and Breeders, these chapters will be as full of light and
interest as to all Biologists and Speculative Thinkers.” Does any pro-
fane person doubt it ? “ Country gentlemen,” of the finest old-crusted
Tory politics and views on education, &c., are far too solemn a theme to be
treated with levity ; but “farmers aud breeders”—-are they generally
the classmates of “ Biologists and Speculative Thinkers ? ” Old John
Stockwell, of Bathley Wood Farm, as good a judge of a beast as any
man in Midlandshire, hears of this wonderful new book of Mr.
Darwin’s, perhaps at the Market Table at the “ Clumber Arms,”
where nothing else is talked about but “ The Variation of Animals and
Plants under Domestication,” rides home, borrows the two stout
volumes from his clergyman, who is scientific, and subscribes to a
London Library, and in the company of his pipe, and with the stimulus
of some brandy-and-water, examines them for information about the
best method of crossing sheep. Let us look over his shoulder. “ The
laws of Inheritance and Reversion (Atavism) in Prsepotency and Limi-
tation of Sex.” Stockwell’s education closed at fourteen, his reading
since has not been varied or extensive, and the character of his hand-
writing is rude : he makes a conscientious effort to master the poly-
syllabic difficulties, but fails, Atavism in particular, which is delusively
placed within brackets as though it were a simple aud explanatory term,
meaning possibly great-grandmotherism, proving an impassable barrier.
He tries again—“ Hybridism”—and gets another tumble. Full of
pluck, he puts all his mind at what proves a regular stone wall—
“Provisional Hypothesis of Pangenesis,”—which so completely floors
him, that he throws Darwin down, is quite laborious with his pipe,
empties his tumbler, takes off his boots, aud as he goes up-stairs to bed,
resolves never again to stray away from Old Moore, the weather-glass,
and Bell's Weekly Messenger.
Saturday Afternoon.
Now is the time for the Crystal Palace * * [On referring to my
watch I find l have accidentally asserted a fact; now is the time for
the Crystal Palace,—so I must be off at once. More in my next.]
Yours truly, Richard Birdie.