DOI Heft:
February 29, 1868
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16881#0105
February 29, 186S.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Q C.
Dear Mr. Punch,
I read the papers, and tiad many puzzles in them, this tor
example—“ New Queen’s Counsel. The following Members of the
Bar are, we understand, to receive the honour of a silk gown.” And
then the names of the recipients-elect of silk gowns are given, to the
great amusement, I imagine, of their wives, daughters, and other
female relatives, to the great wonderment, I am sure, of myself. If it
had been a silk handkerchief, or a silk scarf, or a silk umbrella, I should
not have been so much surprised, although I might have wondered
how such a present could be a mark of honour. But a silk gown!
Could not Government—for I suppose it is Government—have thought
of something rather more useful ? An opera-glass, for instance, or a
set of studs, or a gold pencil-case ? For what can these gentlemen do
with a silk gown ? Give it away, I suppose, with a great fuss, to
their wives, if they are married, or to their laundresses, if they are
wretched Maledicts, existing in chambers on the top of those gloomy
staircases, where I used to lunch once or twice in the season, when
my cousin, Fred Wigmore, lived in Gray’s Inn, before he went out to
Sierra Leone as a judge, and caught the yellow fever there, and had to
come home, and married Hester Mainwaring who hadn’t a penny,
and took to farming, and buried himself in a village where there were
only two hundred people and no squire, and the clergyman came to do
duty on Sundays, alternate morning and afternoon, ten miles from a
market town, in Bassetlaw ? I hope I don’t tease you with my ques-
tions, but can you (or perhaps dear Mrs. P.) tell me how the gowns
are made, whether plain skirts, or trimmed ? Are they all of the same
colour, and what is it ? Are they checks, or stripes, or without any
pattern at all ? Moire, or watered, or plain rich Lyons ? Who pays
for them ? Do we (1 am unmarried, property at my own disposal, no
trustees), out of the Income-Tax ? Do Government buy up remnants at
the end of the season, or is the newest material and the latest fashion
selected by the Lord Chancellor and the rest of the Judges, who
take their wives to Lewis and Allenby’s to choose these silks ? And
are these Counsel of the Queen’s presented to Her Majesty in their ,
new gowns, and can she keep her countenance? Perhaps they match j
the knights who, I see, are to appear, at the Levee, in their collars.
I could not help reflecting how amused the intelligent Abyssinian
would be when he read about these honourable silk gowns, which no j
doubt he will think are as much admired and prized by our great men,
as red cloaks are by his chiefs and warriors. But I must not take '
up your time any longer, just now, especially, when you have so much \
to think about and advise upon with Ministers and the Co-operative j
Stores, and Bishoe Colenso, and the Spring fashions.
Fours, dear Mr. Punch, affectionately,
Alicia Maria Singilby.
ONE WORD FROM MY FUNNY FRIEND.
Grigg, my Funuy Friend, in answer to numerous inquiries, wishes,
through the present popular medium, to intimate to his friends and
patrons that he intends establishing a Society for the Promotion of
Practical Joking.
Subscriptions will be received by him at his private residence until
The School of Design is built and ready for use.
He can at present only place before his admiring friends and patrons
a rough sketch, or mere outline, of the future plans, and will at the
same time attempt to convey some notion of the Educational Scheme
which he intends that his pupils should adopt.
N.B. He further takes this opportunity of announcing that he has
by him a stock of first-rate tricks on Elderly Gentlemen, Elderly
Ladies, Butlers, and Policemen, which, requiring no sort of mecha-
nical apparatus or elaborate preparation, are calculated to cause
as much amusement as the now worn-out witticism of putting a
basin full of water or a coal-scuttle on the top of a partially open
door, or the classic extravagance of placing the steel barrels of small
musical-boxes in your grandfather’s bed.
N.B._ N.B. Parties attended with all sorts of practical jokes. Lec-
tures given at private houses to the younger members of the family.
Grown-up pupils three guineas a quarter, which will include two tricks
with gxmpowder.
The Onion-Seed trick, the Magic Match, always on hand. {Vide next
Number.) Reduction made on taking a quantity.
Open-air exercise will not be neglected.
The Runaway Knock and Ring will be taught practically from 1 to
2 P.H., and 11 to 12 P.M. No danger.
The Wild Horse, or “ Am dat you. Ginger ? ” How to rattle your
hat, &c., &c. This will be shown while the lecturer is out for recrea-
tion in the Park with his more advanced pupils.
Evenings at Home. The Domestic Circle. How to mix whiskey-
toddy, so that it will explode on being touched with a spoon, break the
glass, the lamps, and any crockery in the room.
Warranted GREAT FUN. One Turn, Two Guineas.
The Plan ol Teaching, with the Hours of Lectures, my Funny
Friend will have great pleasure in furnishing as soon as possible.
TOM NODDY’S LAMENT.
Air—“ I Cannot Sing the Old Songs."
I cannot eat the old horse
I rode long years ago ;
I’m sure my teeth would fail me,
And foolish tears might How.
For bygone hunts come o’er my heart
With cuts from round aud side,
I cannot eat the old horse
On which Fused to ride.
I cannot eat the old horse,
For visions come again
Of glorious meets departed.
And runs in soaking rain.
But perhaps when raging hunger
Shall set its hand on me ;
I then may eat the old horse,
And hope he ’ll tender be.
PARLIAMENTARY NOTES.
“ Foreign Office Agencies.”—Always questionable, too often mis-
chievous.
“ Capital Punishment Inside Prisons.”—Hard labour (for lazy rogues),
and the Cat (for Wite-beaters, Chitd-starvers, and Garotters).
“ Corrupt Practices at Elections Bill”—Ten to one, an attorney s.
“ Precautions against Cattle Plague.”—Proper stowage on the voyage,
clean water, wholesome food, and decent treatment after it.
“Short Bill for the Removal of Nuisances.”—Take away that Bumble.
THE SHAM SACERDOS.
{Ritualist sings).
Amo a mass;
I make a lass,
Of conscience nice and tender.
Upon her knee
Confess to me.
For she’s of the feminine gender !
Harum scarum, Bishop Sarum,
Horum corum, shrive, 0 !
Tag-rag, M.B. waistcoat, chasuble and hatband,
Hie, hoc, humbug vocativo.
INTERNATIONAL COINAGE.
A Commission has been appointed to consider the question of Inter-
national coinage. The Astronomer-Royal is on it. His duty will be
to detect by means of his best telescope the Light weights. On the
excellent Secretary, Mr. Rivers Wilson, will devolve the dutv of
testing each national coin in the English fashion, i.e., the ordeal by
biting.
The Commission will occupy its first day by tossing for centimes until
they’ve reduced themselves to a common denomination. As the Shilling
is likely to be abolished, Mr. Punch proposes establishing an office, his
own in Fleet Street will do to begin with, where all the shillings will
be called in, and full value up to sixpence given for each one.
Elementary Instruction.—In Meteorology.
Sympathies with Hespect to Shot.
Under the title of “ EEmpereur et le Soldat,” an article in the
Moniteur contains, according to a contemporary, the passage following :
“ When a regiment passes, the clarion vibrates in the heart, the drum quickens
the step, the eye grows proud, the hand is impatient to grasp arms. Men become
animated and sympathise with the flag torn by the bullet.”
Do they? No doubt some men do sympathise.with the flag torn by
the ballet. Others are rather disposed to conceive sympathy with tlie
flesh torn by the bullet, aud with the bones which it smashes.
income-tax return.
Companion to Pegasus in the Pound, Twopence in the Pound.
Vol. 51.
4
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Q C.
Dear Mr. Punch,
I read the papers, and tiad many puzzles in them, this tor
example—“ New Queen’s Counsel. The following Members of the
Bar are, we understand, to receive the honour of a silk gown.” And
then the names of the recipients-elect of silk gowns are given, to the
great amusement, I imagine, of their wives, daughters, and other
female relatives, to the great wonderment, I am sure, of myself. If it
had been a silk handkerchief, or a silk scarf, or a silk umbrella, I should
not have been so much surprised, although I might have wondered
how such a present could be a mark of honour. But a silk gown!
Could not Government—for I suppose it is Government—have thought
of something rather more useful ? An opera-glass, for instance, or a
set of studs, or a gold pencil-case ? For what can these gentlemen do
with a silk gown ? Give it away, I suppose, with a great fuss, to
their wives, if they are married, or to their laundresses, if they are
wretched Maledicts, existing in chambers on the top of those gloomy
staircases, where I used to lunch once or twice in the season, when
my cousin, Fred Wigmore, lived in Gray’s Inn, before he went out to
Sierra Leone as a judge, and caught the yellow fever there, and had to
come home, and married Hester Mainwaring who hadn’t a penny,
and took to farming, and buried himself in a village where there were
only two hundred people and no squire, and the clergyman came to do
duty on Sundays, alternate morning and afternoon, ten miles from a
market town, in Bassetlaw ? I hope I don’t tease you with my ques-
tions, but can you (or perhaps dear Mrs. P.) tell me how the gowns
are made, whether plain skirts, or trimmed ? Are they all of the same
colour, and what is it ? Are they checks, or stripes, or without any
pattern at all ? Moire, or watered, or plain rich Lyons ? Who pays
for them ? Do we (1 am unmarried, property at my own disposal, no
trustees), out of the Income-Tax ? Do Government buy up remnants at
the end of the season, or is the newest material and the latest fashion
selected by the Lord Chancellor and the rest of the Judges, who
take their wives to Lewis and Allenby’s to choose these silks ? And
are these Counsel of the Queen’s presented to Her Majesty in their ,
new gowns, and can she keep her countenance? Perhaps they match j
the knights who, I see, are to appear, at the Levee, in their collars.
I could not help reflecting how amused the intelligent Abyssinian
would be when he read about these honourable silk gowns, which no j
doubt he will think are as much admired and prized by our great men,
as red cloaks are by his chiefs and warriors. But I must not take '
up your time any longer, just now, especially, when you have so much \
to think about and advise upon with Ministers and the Co-operative j
Stores, and Bishoe Colenso, and the Spring fashions.
Fours, dear Mr. Punch, affectionately,
Alicia Maria Singilby.
ONE WORD FROM MY FUNNY FRIEND.
Grigg, my Funuy Friend, in answer to numerous inquiries, wishes,
through the present popular medium, to intimate to his friends and
patrons that he intends establishing a Society for the Promotion of
Practical Joking.
Subscriptions will be received by him at his private residence until
The School of Design is built and ready for use.
He can at present only place before his admiring friends and patrons
a rough sketch, or mere outline, of the future plans, and will at the
same time attempt to convey some notion of the Educational Scheme
which he intends that his pupils should adopt.
N.B. He further takes this opportunity of announcing that he has
by him a stock of first-rate tricks on Elderly Gentlemen, Elderly
Ladies, Butlers, and Policemen, which, requiring no sort of mecha-
nical apparatus or elaborate preparation, are calculated to cause
as much amusement as the now worn-out witticism of putting a
basin full of water or a coal-scuttle on the top of a partially open
door, or the classic extravagance of placing the steel barrels of small
musical-boxes in your grandfather’s bed.
N.B._ N.B. Parties attended with all sorts of practical jokes. Lec-
tures given at private houses to the younger members of the family.
Grown-up pupils three guineas a quarter, which will include two tricks
with gxmpowder.
The Onion-Seed trick, the Magic Match, always on hand. {Vide next
Number.) Reduction made on taking a quantity.
Open-air exercise will not be neglected.
The Runaway Knock and Ring will be taught practically from 1 to
2 P.H., and 11 to 12 P.M. No danger.
The Wild Horse, or “ Am dat you. Ginger ? ” How to rattle your
hat, &c., &c. This will be shown while the lecturer is out for recrea-
tion in the Park with his more advanced pupils.
Evenings at Home. The Domestic Circle. How to mix whiskey-
toddy, so that it will explode on being touched with a spoon, break the
glass, the lamps, and any crockery in the room.
Warranted GREAT FUN. One Turn, Two Guineas.
The Plan ol Teaching, with the Hours of Lectures, my Funny
Friend will have great pleasure in furnishing as soon as possible.
TOM NODDY’S LAMENT.
Air—“ I Cannot Sing the Old Songs."
I cannot eat the old horse
I rode long years ago ;
I’m sure my teeth would fail me,
And foolish tears might How.
For bygone hunts come o’er my heart
With cuts from round aud side,
I cannot eat the old horse
On which Fused to ride.
I cannot eat the old horse,
For visions come again
Of glorious meets departed.
And runs in soaking rain.
But perhaps when raging hunger
Shall set its hand on me ;
I then may eat the old horse,
And hope he ’ll tender be.
PARLIAMENTARY NOTES.
“ Foreign Office Agencies.”—Always questionable, too often mis-
chievous.
“ Capital Punishment Inside Prisons.”—Hard labour (for lazy rogues),
and the Cat (for Wite-beaters, Chitd-starvers, and Garotters).
“ Corrupt Practices at Elections Bill”—Ten to one, an attorney s.
“ Precautions against Cattle Plague.”—Proper stowage on the voyage,
clean water, wholesome food, and decent treatment after it.
“Short Bill for the Removal of Nuisances.”—Take away that Bumble.
THE SHAM SACERDOS.
{Ritualist sings).
Amo a mass;
I make a lass,
Of conscience nice and tender.
Upon her knee
Confess to me.
For she’s of the feminine gender !
Harum scarum, Bishop Sarum,
Horum corum, shrive, 0 !
Tag-rag, M.B. waistcoat, chasuble and hatband,
Hie, hoc, humbug vocativo.
INTERNATIONAL COINAGE.
A Commission has been appointed to consider the question of Inter-
national coinage. The Astronomer-Royal is on it. His duty will be
to detect by means of his best telescope the Light weights. On the
excellent Secretary, Mr. Rivers Wilson, will devolve the dutv of
testing each national coin in the English fashion, i.e., the ordeal by
biting.
The Commission will occupy its first day by tossing for centimes until
they’ve reduced themselves to a common denomination. As the Shilling
is likely to be abolished, Mr. Punch proposes establishing an office, his
own in Fleet Street will do to begin with, where all the shillings will
be called in, and full value up to sixpence given for each one.
Elementary Instruction.—In Meteorology.
Sympathies with Hespect to Shot.
Under the title of “ EEmpereur et le Soldat,” an article in the
Moniteur contains, according to a contemporary, the passage following :
“ When a regiment passes, the clarion vibrates in the heart, the drum quickens
the step, the eye grows proud, the hand is impatient to grasp arms. Men become
animated and sympathise with the flag torn by the bullet.”
Do they? No doubt some men do sympathise.with the flag torn by
the ballet. Others are rather disposed to conceive sympathy with tlie
flesh torn by the bullet, aud with the bones which it smashes.
income-tax return.
Companion to Pegasus in the Pound, Twopence in the Pound.
Vol. 51.
4