Punch (54.1868)

196

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVART

[May 2, 1868.

NOT MEETING HIS MATCH. THE NEW FOOTMAN.

“ NO DOUBT YOUR CAPABILITIES AND HONESTY ARE ALL THAT COULD BE DESIRED, BUT THE FIRST CONSIDERATION IS, THAT JOHN
Thomas should be properly Matched,” Ac. [James is disgusted, and quits his 'profession.

MR JOHN THOMAS UPON THINGS IN GENERAL.

j

A Letter Addressed to Miss Ann Stubbs, a Country Cousin.
Dear Hann,

Of noose that’s stirrin, there aint not.hink T deplores
Like these ere Civil Snvvice Trade Co Hoperative Stores.

Its getting quite the fashion now for Swells as is Tiptop
To turn a onest penny by a keepink of a shop !

There U may C a Duchess with a pen behind her Ear
A tying up a parcel, tho her Usbing is a Peer !

While peraps at the next counter there a Countess U may C,

A making out a Hinvoice for a duzzen lb of T !

In shawt they act as shopboys, tho their Aunts sisters came over
With the Conkering Norman Ero, when he landed M at Dover.

Now to me as a True Briton its most orrible degrading
To see our Harry Stockracy like grocers all a trading.

And it really shox a footman of well constituted mind
A pusson who’s a Shopkeeper to ave to walk behind !

Which to carry ome her parcels I would certingly decline,

For muskyler exertion it isn’t in my line.

And fancy ow disgustink if my friends 1 chanced to meet,

While carrying soap and candles down a fashonable street !

The hidea so unmans me I must quit this orrid theme.

And turn to your last letter, which to me is sweet as cream,
i I’m glad as you were Bridesmaid at the wedding of your friend,

And that you liked the Bookay which I made so bold to send.

Your dress must ave looked bootiful, but may I just explain
That Crinnyleans is out of date, U should have worn a train.

And ave U eard that chignongs is wore higher on the ead.

And dark air is more fasbnable than either brown or red?

But tho some may say as Carrots isnt pleasing to the eye.

They’d better live content than stand the Azzard of the Dye.

I’m glad as U were fortnit in obtaining of a view
Of the Princess Alexandra when to Dublin she went through.
Which if Hireland were more favored by the sunshine of her smile,

Things wouldnt look so gloomy in that unenlightened ile.

A Balmoral near Dublin might attract their future king,

And as Paddies say, More power to his Elbow it would bring.

So I reelly think the Guvermint they ort, to make a grant
For the Prince to unt in Ireland, which without it Y he can’t.

For osses is Xpensive now, and as they say in France

When the Prince lie goes out riding he must do the thing on Prance.

But talking of Xpences, I may be aloud to say
Its lucky as pore phootmen have no hincome-tax to pay.

Else from each lb of our wages there’d he took now tuppence more,
To elp to pay for thrashing of that wile King Theodore.

And tho I dont deny as he deserves to get a wacking,

1 think it costs us reether dear to polish off that Black king !

Which in whackswork when Xibited at Madam Tussoo’s Show
To the Chamber of her Orrors he ort certingly to go.

But the dinner-bell is ringing and altho it may be rude
To break off thus abruptly I must sudnly conclude.

So oping as King Theodore will shortly cry Peccavv,

Believe me. Yours affectionate j0Hlf Tommus, of Bellgravy.

Barely Civil.

The inhabitants of India are better treated than those of London.
The last mail says,—

“ Sir John Lawrence has by a notification settled the shoe question. All thoso
who wear European shoes and stockings are not to be required to take them off at.
Durbars, or on entering courts of justice,’’ <fec.

Whereas all those who wear European shoes and stockings are re-
quired to take them off before entering the National Gallery, Trafalgar
Square, where a stern notice orders them to wipe their Feet.

Medical Intelligence.—Surely if a Medical Quack can be called'
a woman because he’s n, Charlotte Anne, a Chemist might be called a
Ditto, as he is an Anne Eliza (Analyser).