DOI issue:
May 30, 1868
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16881#0237
230
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[May 30, 1868.
LAST NEW THING IN SKIRTS.
Aunt (slightly shocked). “Why, child, all your Clothes are Falling Off ! ”
Laura. “Oh, dear, no, Aunty; it’s the Fashion !”
THE POWER OP STREET-MUSIC.
0 INCENSE-BREATHING Spring !
What lord of Music’s art
Of thee shall help me sing,
Beethoven, or Mozart?
As nightingales in May,
As blackbirds sing in June,
Ah ! so would I, but all astray
Am led by that street-tune—
Sing, in June,
Not that tune,
Not that music, not that music;
Not that tune,
Not in June,
Not that music, not that tune !
Cecilta, sainted maid,
Do thou my song inspire ;
Oblige me with the aid
Of thy celestial quire.
Impart a hallowed strain
Suggesting hope and joy—
O horror, there he goes again,
That grinding-organ boy !
And Champagne Charlie is his air,
Low, vile execrable air !
Tune unsuitable for song of flowers,
Cuckoo crying in the woodland bowers.
Airy carol of the lark.
The golden sunlight glows
With love, whose season’s this ;
The west wind woos the rose :
My soul is faint with bliss.
To power of sweetest sound
I fain would wed my verse.
Once more that organ-boy confound !
I copy, while 1 curse,
The sing-song that is fit to drive one crazy,
And can’t help warbling. Oh !
Of all thy flowers that blow,
Thou lovely Spring, I wish 1 were a daisy.
DENSITY AND DIRTY WATER.
At the approaching Handel Festival, some that have ears will hear
that wonderful Chorus in Israel in Egypt, “ They Loathed to Brink of
the River.” So, the hearers may think, might the British public. In a
summary of the Registrar-General’s report for 1866, thus says the
■ Times:—
“ Dr. Farr has to state that there is no apparent evidence of decline in the rate
of death from fever. He considers it exceedingly probable that typhoid fever is
sustained by increasing contamination of the waters, and typhus by the increased
density of the population.”
No doubt the increased density of the population is what chiefly
sustains both typhus and typhoid fever. The increasing contamination
of the waters is caused by the increased density of the population
whose towns are drained into them. That density is double ; not only
physical but moral; and it is moral density that pollutes the streams
of England, making them flow with slops, and sewage, and the slush
of chemical works. Owing to this density the fish are perishing in the
rivers and the flowers on their banks. It is a density worse than
Peter Bell’s in effect; for the primrose on the river’s brim had at
least an existence for Peter, and he saw that it was yellow, whereas,
from our population of increased density, that primrose has mostly
disappeared ; and, where it does here and there occur, it looks whity-
brown. But if the increasing density of the population causes des-
tructive levers, the moral density must iu a cousiderable measure
operate in diminishing the physical. That is to say, it, must thin the
population._ Were this density rarefied by needful culture, would not
its rarefaction bring the death-rate down ?
This is a question that may be deemed worthy of attention by prac-
tical gentlemen accustomed to stigmatise solicitude for the conservation
of pure streams, pretty flowers, and the beauties of nature at large, in
any degree of contrariety to material progress as “ sentiment.” Call
it, sentiment. Gentlemen, if you will; this sentiment is a difference
between you and some of our humble servants : it also distinguishes
them from the lower animals. It is a weakness which you are exempt
freni, eh ? So is the ass.
THE DEAR CREATURES.
Ladies, look at this description of how one of you was dressed at a
late ball iu Paris, a ball which probably did not begin till midnight,
and may therefore very fitly be referred to as a late one :—
“ Instead of a necklace of precious stones, she wore a garland of flowers a la
Parabire. Her blond hair was relieved behind, straight from the roots : with
neither chignon nor nattes ; the hair attached at the summit ol the head, and ter-
minating in bows. Several roses were fastened in the hair in a very graceful
manner.”
A punster might protest that a lady without nattes hardly could look
natty ; but wiser persons will reflect upon the wisdom of a woman who
wears neither nattes nor chiguon which iu any way may hide the beauty
other neck. They will rejoice, moreover, to learn that, in these days
of over-dressing and extravagance, there is still living a lady who,
“ instead of a necklace,” has the taste to wear a simple garland of
flowers. Surely, they will say, a jewel of a woman needs no jewellery
for ornament. Good looks require no diamonds, as good wine needs
no bush. A bright eye far out shines the sparkle of a ruby; a white
skin has a beauty far more brilliant than a pearl.
Pearls however are still worn by the swellesses of Paris, and worn 1
in great profusion, as the following will prove : —
“ Another lady had a very peculiar kind of headdress ; she was literally covered
with pearls."
A lady covered with pearls must be really a dear creature, in respect
of the enormous lot of money she must cost. We pity the poor man,
unless he be as rich as Croesus, whose wife goes out to dances with her
head covered with pearls. We wonder how many she loses on an
average each evening, and whether she drops more in a gallop or a
waltz. To dance with such a woman must really, to our thinking, be
a dangerous adventure; for if a handful of her pearls were to fail into
one’s pocket, her husband might suspect one of intending to pearl-oin
them.
Axiom for the Admiralty.—A Rolling Ship plants no Shot
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[May 30, 1868.
LAST NEW THING IN SKIRTS.
Aunt (slightly shocked). “Why, child, all your Clothes are Falling Off ! ”
Laura. “Oh, dear, no, Aunty; it’s the Fashion !”
THE POWER OP STREET-MUSIC.
0 INCENSE-BREATHING Spring !
What lord of Music’s art
Of thee shall help me sing,
Beethoven, or Mozart?
As nightingales in May,
As blackbirds sing in June,
Ah ! so would I, but all astray
Am led by that street-tune—
Sing, in June,
Not that tune,
Not that music, not that music;
Not that tune,
Not in June,
Not that music, not that tune !
Cecilta, sainted maid,
Do thou my song inspire ;
Oblige me with the aid
Of thy celestial quire.
Impart a hallowed strain
Suggesting hope and joy—
O horror, there he goes again,
That grinding-organ boy !
And Champagne Charlie is his air,
Low, vile execrable air !
Tune unsuitable for song of flowers,
Cuckoo crying in the woodland bowers.
Airy carol of the lark.
The golden sunlight glows
With love, whose season’s this ;
The west wind woos the rose :
My soul is faint with bliss.
To power of sweetest sound
I fain would wed my verse.
Once more that organ-boy confound !
I copy, while 1 curse,
The sing-song that is fit to drive one crazy,
And can’t help warbling. Oh !
Of all thy flowers that blow,
Thou lovely Spring, I wish 1 were a daisy.
DENSITY AND DIRTY WATER.
At the approaching Handel Festival, some that have ears will hear
that wonderful Chorus in Israel in Egypt, “ They Loathed to Brink of
the River.” So, the hearers may think, might the British public. In a
summary of the Registrar-General’s report for 1866, thus says the
■ Times:—
“ Dr. Farr has to state that there is no apparent evidence of decline in the rate
of death from fever. He considers it exceedingly probable that typhoid fever is
sustained by increasing contamination of the waters, and typhus by the increased
density of the population.”
No doubt the increased density of the population is what chiefly
sustains both typhus and typhoid fever. The increasing contamination
of the waters is caused by the increased density of the population
whose towns are drained into them. That density is double ; not only
physical but moral; and it is moral density that pollutes the streams
of England, making them flow with slops, and sewage, and the slush
of chemical works. Owing to this density the fish are perishing in the
rivers and the flowers on their banks. It is a density worse than
Peter Bell’s in effect; for the primrose on the river’s brim had at
least an existence for Peter, and he saw that it was yellow, whereas,
from our population of increased density, that primrose has mostly
disappeared ; and, where it does here and there occur, it looks whity-
brown. But if the increasing density of the population causes des-
tructive levers, the moral density must iu a cousiderable measure
operate in diminishing the physical. That is to say, it, must thin the
population._ Were this density rarefied by needful culture, would not
its rarefaction bring the death-rate down ?
This is a question that may be deemed worthy of attention by prac-
tical gentlemen accustomed to stigmatise solicitude for the conservation
of pure streams, pretty flowers, and the beauties of nature at large, in
any degree of contrariety to material progress as “ sentiment.” Call
it, sentiment. Gentlemen, if you will; this sentiment is a difference
between you and some of our humble servants : it also distinguishes
them from the lower animals. It is a weakness which you are exempt
freni, eh ? So is the ass.
THE DEAR CREATURES.
Ladies, look at this description of how one of you was dressed at a
late ball iu Paris, a ball which probably did not begin till midnight,
and may therefore very fitly be referred to as a late one :—
“ Instead of a necklace of precious stones, she wore a garland of flowers a la
Parabire. Her blond hair was relieved behind, straight from the roots : with
neither chignon nor nattes ; the hair attached at the summit ol the head, and ter-
minating in bows. Several roses were fastened in the hair in a very graceful
manner.”
A punster might protest that a lady without nattes hardly could look
natty ; but wiser persons will reflect upon the wisdom of a woman who
wears neither nattes nor chiguon which iu any way may hide the beauty
other neck. They will rejoice, moreover, to learn that, in these days
of over-dressing and extravagance, there is still living a lady who,
“ instead of a necklace,” has the taste to wear a simple garland of
flowers. Surely, they will say, a jewel of a woman needs no jewellery
for ornament. Good looks require no diamonds, as good wine needs
no bush. A bright eye far out shines the sparkle of a ruby; a white
skin has a beauty far more brilliant than a pearl.
Pearls however are still worn by the swellesses of Paris, and worn 1
in great profusion, as the following will prove : —
“ Another lady had a very peculiar kind of headdress ; she was literally covered
with pearls."
A lady covered with pearls must be really a dear creature, in respect
of the enormous lot of money she must cost. We pity the poor man,
unless he be as rich as Croesus, whose wife goes out to dances with her
head covered with pearls. We wonder how many she loses on an
average each evening, and whether she drops more in a gallop or a
waltz. To dance with such a woman must really, to our thinking, be
a dangerous adventure; for if a handful of her pearls were to fail into
one’s pocket, her husband might suspect one of intending to pearl-oin
them.
Axiom for the Admiralty.—A Rolling Ship plants no Shot