DOI issue:
June 27, 1868
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16881#0283
276
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
fJuni; 27, 1868,
CHIKKIN HAZARD.
LAST CHAPTER.
THE END.
The Bells of Benicia were ringing for the double marriage. Grace
at one Church to her beloved Nutt ; Bess at the other to her own
dear Joseph, now Joseph, Marquis of Mewsickall, with title of
Free-Pass-to-The-Alhambra, and Baron Cancan, of Mabille, as a special
honour from the Tuileries, whose motto has, since tbe events here
recorded, become familiar in English mouths as household bread. We
must also take this opportunity of adding, that Her Majesty’s Govern-
ment, determining to reward Lieutenant Marchmont for his dis-
tinguished services, patented him by the title of Sir Charles, to
imitate which is fraudulent, and punishable by several acts of Parliament.
While these festivities were being enacted, another scene of a dif-
ferent sort was being played out by two performers.
In an apartment in the Good Bishop’s Palace, which by a special
rescript from the Home-Office he had been permitted to let unfur-
nished, the tenant, Lady Anna Domino, taking the fitted fixtures, &c.,
on which arrangement we have neither time nor inclination to dwell
now more minutely, sat the Lady Anna Domino.
On the opposite side of the room behind a curtain stood Piel
Dornton, regarding her curiously.
“ Beautiful for ever ! ” he muttered between his set teeth.
Then he stood before her, pale, with bloodshot eyes and matted hair
—he stood before her.
She saw at once, with a woman’s intuitive perception, that the end
had come.
“ At last,” she said. She still admired the man who had so cruelly
deceived her.
“ Recrimination is useless,” he said, slowly and bitterly.
“ Yes,” she replied, in a cold tone. “ It is.”
“ The police are here,” he added, looking calmly from the window.
She inquired what division, and with his glass he was enabled to
answer her question satisfactorily.
“ My mind is made up,” he continued ; and then, with a slight tremor
in his voice which even now midst all his villain’s cunning showed
there was one green spot in that cankered, sin-dried heart, he added,
“ What will become of you ? ”
“ What returned Lady Anna, turning towards him. “ Do you
think of that at last?” She stretched out her hand to him with some-
thing of the old affection in her touch. “Go, Piel,” she said, “ Go,
and poison yourself.”
“ I will,” he replied, and undoing a large hamper marked “ glass with
care,” which he had hitherto kept carefully concealed about his person,
he extracted therefrom a large glass jar, and was about to drink its
contents, when she arrested his hand.
At that supreme instant was it an old tender yearning ?
She looked at him, then downwards at the carpet.
He had owned property himself in his prosperity, and divined the
meaning of the glance.
“ True,” he replied ; “ as you wish. In the next room.”
He walked towards the door, then turned, and in both arms held
aloft the fatal bottle which contained a bright red fluid, and was marked
outside with a hieroglyphic character, known only to those whose trade
it is to deal in such dread preparations.
Once more he spoke:
“ And you ? ”
“ I will survive to know that you are out of the clutches of these
myrmidons of a cruel law, and then-” she covered her face with
her hands and sank upon a fauteuil.
He closed the door.
In another moment the officers rushed into the apartment.
“ The Forger, the Murderer, the Upholsterer—where is he ? ”
“ Your warrant ? ” asked the Lady Anna indignantly.
The Chief beckoned, and a private in the force stepped forward with
a roll of paper under his arm.
“ It is enough,” she said. “ You will find him, there.”
They entered the room, and returned almost immediately.
“ There must be an inquest,” said the Chief.
“ As you will,’’ said Lady Anna. “ At all events I am at liberty.”
The polite officials did all that was necessary, and were subsequently
entertained in the servants’ hall until a late hour.
The Lady Anna being much pitied as the victim of a villain’s
machination, was feted for some considerable time after his decease, and
if there was the slightest stain upon her otherwise fair character it was
at once removed by the Good Bishop, whose tenant she continued to
be at an advanced rental. Only she obtained permission to change its
name from PhleboscoPalace to the more appropriate title of Ivreammawn.
So in the beautiful gardens of Ivreammawn, amid water-works and fire-
works, with lovely singing-birds, foreign and native, including the several
rare specimens of the Flying Trapeze which, with cuttings from the Boot-
trees, and genera of Corkscrew-fish, Spoonbills, and other such Lapsus
lingua, Grace had found upon the memorable island, and had pre- ]
sented partly to Lady Anna partly to the Benician Museum, were cele-
brated the Matrimonial Festivities of the Happy Two pairs, which lasted
several days. Then the Brides and Bridegrooms left in a couple of
steam-yachts, which had been previously blessed bv the Excellent
Bishop, for the dear old Eel Pie Island in the Pacific, where Nutt
(who was now the Right Honourable William Nutt, elected to repre-
sent his new possession in the Lower Benician Chambers) built them a
couple of houses, and stocked their paddock, and laid out their gardens,
and charged them only half as much again as it would have cost them
if they’d done it themselves.
And then they rested.
And on a calm summer’s evening, with the aged Lieutenant, now
obliged to wear a white wig, and support himself with a stick, and still
clinging to the costume of his old Venetian regimentals, on one side, and,
on the other, Old Martin, who, unable to shake off his old labourer’s
habits, was always dressed in the brightly spotted dress of the clownish
order in Benicia, his red and white cheeks being, at his age, the
external signs of inward happiness, and rude health ; we say with these
two, one on either side, would stand in the centre the happy Nutt, in
a bright gorgeous dress and a black half mask, partially concealing his
features, (the custom in the Benician Chamber,) supporting with his
out-stretched knee and stalwart arm the form of his fair and beautifully
dressed bride, while behind them rose a romantic bower, as it were,
a Fairy Pavilion of Imagination and Fancy, glittering, and dazzling,
until among the plaudits and huzzas of the delighted populace, the
kind Marquis Joseph, aided by his dear wife Elizabeth, would
light up great fires of joy, which shed their sometime red, sometime
green light upon the glorious scene before them.
“Happy indeed,” said Grace, in after years, “was the thought
which occurred to me, dear, upon the Island of sending those FOWLS
out with our dinner advertisements for the Island.”
“ Sending the fowls in that manner, and on such an errand was
hazardous,” would her husband reply, caressing his eldest son. Tommy,
who was growing every day more like both of them, with perhaps just
the slightest resemblance to the pet seal which he had trained upon
the island.
“ It was hazardous,” would be her answer,
“ It was indeed CHIKKIN HAZARD.”
■*■*■******•
Readers, we have done. This is the tale Nutt and Grace told to
their children.—-This is the tale we have told to you.
Editor’s Note.—And thank Heaven, it is finished. Eor of all the troublesome sets of
men I’ve ever had to deal with, these Authors and Directors are the worst. I shan’t
publish any of their letters which I have by me, as I consider all correspondence at
an end betweenus. I am going to bring out my own drama of Fowl Play, or Chiklci.it,
Hazard, which I trust will meet with popular favour, quite independently of the
Authors, Directors and Artists, who have been trying on all sides to interfere-
with my editorial rights. I appeal to the public. The public is my judge. And
the public is honest aud intelligent. With the secession of the Editor, without
whom further operations are impossible, the Novel Company Limited is dissolved!
Gentle public, Adieu.
“LES BEAUX ESPR1TS SE RENCONTRENT.”
Home to Rachel.)
My Rachel, ’f.was cruel to check the renewal
Which too fleetinsr charms of thy powders demanded.
As it was through Dame Lyons to snub my alliance
With the Spirits, till, not worth a rap, I am stranded.
But birds of a feather should still pair together,
Then from Lewis to Froggatt why restlessly roam ?
Accept in the Spirit a tribute you merit,
’Tis all I can give—a congenial Home !
Black and Blue,
(A Hint to the Jockey CLvb.)
Rouse, Rouse, horsey peers, for the sake of your fellows,
Lest in spite of blood Jockeyship bring your club low :
That the turf its blue ribband can boast, you may tell us.
But a blue-ribband ill on a black-leg must show.
[ AD VE RTISEMENT. ]
HOP FRAUD.—At a MEETING of the COMMITTEE of the ASSO-
CIATION for PREVENTION of FRAUDS in the HOP WAY, held this after-
noon, it was decided that the sum of Fifty Pounds, paid by a Lady in Belgravia, for j
haviDg fraudulently packed her rooms so closely that nobody could dance with any
comfort at her hop, should be expended in a quiet little dinner at the Crystal
Palace, Sydenham, to which tbe dancing men who were swindled at her party were
invited to attend. The Committee beg to state that their agents are instructed to
keep a sharp look.out for ofienders who thus fraudulently over-cram their ball-
rooms, and that during this hot weather the heaviest fine inflictablo will be inva-
riably imposed.—Phillis's Rooms, June IS. A. Walsixgman, Hon. Sec.
A Painter who should Always be Hung “on the Line.”—Hook.
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
fJuni; 27, 1868,
CHIKKIN HAZARD.
LAST CHAPTER.
THE END.
The Bells of Benicia were ringing for the double marriage. Grace
at one Church to her beloved Nutt ; Bess at the other to her own
dear Joseph, now Joseph, Marquis of Mewsickall, with title of
Free-Pass-to-The-Alhambra, and Baron Cancan, of Mabille, as a special
honour from the Tuileries, whose motto has, since tbe events here
recorded, become familiar in English mouths as household bread. We
must also take this opportunity of adding, that Her Majesty’s Govern-
ment, determining to reward Lieutenant Marchmont for his dis-
tinguished services, patented him by the title of Sir Charles, to
imitate which is fraudulent, and punishable by several acts of Parliament.
While these festivities were being enacted, another scene of a dif-
ferent sort was being played out by two performers.
In an apartment in the Good Bishop’s Palace, which by a special
rescript from the Home-Office he had been permitted to let unfur-
nished, the tenant, Lady Anna Domino, taking the fitted fixtures, &c.,
on which arrangement we have neither time nor inclination to dwell
now more minutely, sat the Lady Anna Domino.
On the opposite side of the room behind a curtain stood Piel
Dornton, regarding her curiously.
“ Beautiful for ever ! ” he muttered between his set teeth.
Then he stood before her, pale, with bloodshot eyes and matted hair
—he stood before her.
She saw at once, with a woman’s intuitive perception, that the end
had come.
“ At last,” she said. She still admired the man who had so cruelly
deceived her.
“ Recrimination is useless,” he said, slowly and bitterly.
“ Yes,” she replied, in a cold tone. “ It is.”
“ The police are here,” he added, looking calmly from the window.
She inquired what division, and with his glass he was enabled to
answer her question satisfactorily.
“ My mind is made up,” he continued ; and then, with a slight tremor
in his voice which even now midst all his villain’s cunning showed
there was one green spot in that cankered, sin-dried heart, he added,
“ What will become of you ? ”
“ What returned Lady Anna, turning towards him. “ Do you
think of that at last?” She stretched out her hand to him with some-
thing of the old affection in her touch. “Go, Piel,” she said, “ Go,
and poison yourself.”
“ I will,” he replied, and undoing a large hamper marked “ glass with
care,” which he had hitherto kept carefully concealed about his person,
he extracted therefrom a large glass jar, and was about to drink its
contents, when she arrested his hand.
At that supreme instant was it an old tender yearning ?
She looked at him, then downwards at the carpet.
He had owned property himself in his prosperity, and divined the
meaning of the glance.
“ True,” he replied ; “ as you wish. In the next room.”
He walked towards the door, then turned, and in both arms held
aloft the fatal bottle which contained a bright red fluid, and was marked
outside with a hieroglyphic character, known only to those whose trade
it is to deal in such dread preparations.
Once more he spoke:
“ And you ? ”
“ I will survive to know that you are out of the clutches of these
myrmidons of a cruel law, and then-” she covered her face with
her hands and sank upon a fauteuil.
He closed the door.
In another moment the officers rushed into the apartment.
“ The Forger, the Murderer, the Upholsterer—where is he ? ”
“ Your warrant ? ” asked the Lady Anna indignantly.
The Chief beckoned, and a private in the force stepped forward with
a roll of paper under his arm.
“ It is enough,” she said. “ You will find him, there.”
They entered the room, and returned almost immediately.
“ There must be an inquest,” said the Chief.
“ As you will,’’ said Lady Anna. “ At all events I am at liberty.”
The polite officials did all that was necessary, and were subsequently
entertained in the servants’ hall until a late hour.
The Lady Anna being much pitied as the victim of a villain’s
machination, was feted for some considerable time after his decease, and
if there was the slightest stain upon her otherwise fair character it was
at once removed by the Good Bishop, whose tenant she continued to
be at an advanced rental. Only she obtained permission to change its
name from PhleboscoPalace to the more appropriate title of Ivreammawn.
So in the beautiful gardens of Ivreammawn, amid water-works and fire-
works, with lovely singing-birds, foreign and native, including the several
rare specimens of the Flying Trapeze which, with cuttings from the Boot-
trees, and genera of Corkscrew-fish, Spoonbills, and other such Lapsus
lingua, Grace had found upon the memorable island, and had pre- ]
sented partly to Lady Anna partly to the Benician Museum, were cele-
brated the Matrimonial Festivities of the Happy Two pairs, which lasted
several days. Then the Brides and Bridegrooms left in a couple of
steam-yachts, which had been previously blessed bv the Excellent
Bishop, for the dear old Eel Pie Island in the Pacific, where Nutt
(who was now the Right Honourable William Nutt, elected to repre-
sent his new possession in the Lower Benician Chambers) built them a
couple of houses, and stocked their paddock, and laid out their gardens,
and charged them only half as much again as it would have cost them
if they’d done it themselves.
And then they rested.
And on a calm summer’s evening, with the aged Lieutenant, now
obliged to wear a white wig, and support himself with a stick, and still
clinging to the costume of his old Venetian regimentals, on one side, and,
on the other, Old Martin, who, unable to shake off his old labourer’s
habits, was always dressed in the brightly spotted dress of the clownish
order in Benicia, his red and white cheeks being, at his age, the
external signs of inward happiness, and rude health ; we say with these
two, one on either side, would stand in the centre the happy Nutt, in
a bright gorgeous dress and a black half mask, partially concealing his
features, (the custom in the Benician Chamber,) supporting with his
out-stretched knee and stalwart arm the form of his fair and beautifully
dressed bride, while behind them rose a romantic bower, as it were,
a Fairy Pavilion of Imagination and Fancy, glittering, and dazzling,
until among the plaudits and huzzas of the delighted populace, the
kind Marquis Joseph, aided by his dear wife Elizabeth, would
light up great fires of joy, which shed their sometime red, sometime
green light upon the glorious scene before them.
“Happy indeed,” said Grace, in after years, “was the thought
which occurred to me, dear, upon the Island of sending those FOWLS
out with our dinner advertisements for the Island.”
“ Sending the fowls in that manner, and on such an errand was
hazardous,” would her husband reply, caressing his eldest son. Tommy,
who was growing every day more like both of them, with perhaps just
the slightest resemblance to the pet seal which he had trained upon
the island.
“ It was hazardous,” would be her answer,
“ It was indeed CHIKKIN HAZARD.”
■*■*■******•
Readers, we have done. This is the tale Nutt and Grace told to
their children.—-This is the tale we have told to you.
Editor’s Note.—And thank Heaven, it is finished. Eor of all the troublesome sets of
men I’ve ever had to deal with, these Authors and Directors are the worst. I shan’t
publish any of their letters which I have by me, as I consider all correspondence at
an end betweenus. I am going to bring out my own drama of Fowl Play, or Chiklci.it,
Hazard, which I trust will meet with popular favour, quite independently of the
Authors, Directors and Artists, who have been trying on all sides to interfere-
with my editorial rights. I appeal to the public. The public is my judge. And
the public is honest aud intelligent. With the secession of the Editor, without
whom further operations are impossible, the Novel Company Limited is dissolved!
Gentle public, Adieu.
“LES BEAUX ESPR1TS SE RENCONTRENT.”
Home to Rachel.)
My Rachel, ’f.was cruel to check the renewal
Which too fleetinsr charms of thy powders demanded.
As it was through Dame Lyons to snub my alliance
With the Spirits, till, not worth a rap, I am stranded.
But birds of a feather should still pair together,
Then from Lewis to Froggatt why restlessly roam ?
Accept in the Spirit a tribute you merit,
’Tis all I can give—a congenial Home !
Black and Blue,
(A Hint to the Jockey CLvb.)
Rouse, Rouse, horsey peers, for the sake of your fellows,
Lest in spite of blood Jockeyship bring your club low :
That the turf its blue ribband can boast, you may tell us.
But a blue-ribband ill on a black-leg must show.
[ AD VE RTISEMENT. ]
HOP FRAUD.—At a MEETING of the COMMITTEE of the ASSO-
CIATION for PREVENTION of FRAUDS in the HOP WAY, held this after-
noon, it was decided that the sum of Fifty Pounds, paid by a Lady in Belgravia, for j
haviDg fraudulently packed her rooms so closely that nobody could dance with any
comfort at her hop, should be expended in a quiet little dinner at the Crystal
Palace, Sydenham, to which tbe dancing men who were swindled at her party were
invited to attend. The Committee beg to state that their agents are instructed to
keep a sharp look.out for ofienders who thus fraudulently over-cram their ball-
rooms, and that during this hot weather the heaviest fine inflictablo will be inva-
riably imposed.—Phillis's Rooms, June IS. A. Walsixgman, Hon. Sec.
A Painter who should Always be Hung “on the Line.”—Hook.