DOI Heft:
October 29, 1870
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16886#0182
October 22, 1870.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 173
WAR NEWS.
{From your Own Cockalorum)
NEW AND OLD LEADING.
The Bishop of Winchester has recently delivered an inaugural
t- , ,, , ,,. ,, , n w i i • u -j. address to the Church Congress at Southampton with his accustomed
I write to say that this wont do, your noble Washup, which it ; el ce< The Morning Pod, in a leader, quotes and comments on
wont. hat say young Bismarck has been sending to several papers, a specimen of the Lord Bishop's discourse :-
German and English, to say that Your Ononis Account of the Meeting
between himself (meaning this Light-hearted Soldier) and'the Hereditary
about that noble Gee (which subsequently astonished the mighty Baron,
""When the awakening intellect first looks back upon the dull, lifeless,
irreceptive torpor in which it has hitherto lain entranced, the revulsion of a
as told in these Voracious Memoirs) was all a Simple Invention, and \ na.tural indignation against the past is not without its perils," and "at such a
1 crisis, unless there be some guide capable of leading for a time the half-
recovered consciousness which discerns dimly the true relations between itself
never did take place at all// It didn't; O no, never, of course not,
p'raps not, 0 no, which it weren't, and I'm another. O, of course. ,
l» „ „ +k; .«..fUf„i i >i l a tt jn. n j and tlle objects around it, 'seeing men as trees walking,' it is but too nro-
P raps this truthful Militaire doesn t know the Hereditary Grand, O , bable that £ win fall mto 'gome st *n and it be fatf} confu81™ ft£
no ot course not ! P raps he doesn t sup with him, and smoke pipes ! leading by the hand is the Church's true office,' and in order to its effective
with him, and lend'him— but O no we never mention it—and perhaps discharge, Dr. Wilberforce contends that she needs that readiness which is
this Lighthearted Gallant doesn't have no end of talky-talkies with all j bred of Conference."
the Hereditaries aud Transparencies and Grand Dooks and six-foot! n c ., Q „ , , ,
nothings in jnck-boots all over the shop. O, of course not. O no ! L ^onterenqe or confidence ? Conference labours every year even as
Go it, Bismarck ! Go it, mv gav Politician ! mountain did • but does she bring forth so much ? You may,
And p raps this Dashing Young White Cockader didn't buy a per- j ^deed call Conference Mother Conference just as you. would call
forming Gee to ring bells, fire pistols, and put the whole art of war bootY Two-shoes Mother lwo-shoes, Mrs. Iwo-shoes being past the
into a nutshell. 0 no ! And p'raps this high-mettled Gee wasn't the age ot P°88lbk maternity. Who has ever seen the name of Conference
envvof all the Prooshian Officers from Hereditary Cockalorums, Dooks amonS th,e Births and who could have expected to hear Readiness
of Seidlitz Powders, and Little Slngymaringy downwards. Of course ; mentioned as a child which Conference had given birth to/
But never mind. Ihis leading by the hand is the Church s true
y earnest inquirer will be glad to know
says that. To be led by the hand—how
much more satisfactory it is than to be led by the nose!
And what's the Real Truth. Your Light-hearted will give it you,! °ffif^ Hear hear! Every earnest inquirer will be glad to kno
and no extra charge. that bishop Wile erforce says that, lo be led by the hand—ho
That wary round-the-corner Politician, that Artful Quirassier. that
Sagacious Prime Chancellor, was down on the noble Gee Himself!
This Gay Cockalorum was up to the whole bag of tricks, and was in
the stable: consequently Your Own knew the little game, and was up
to the little move. Of course the Chickaleary Chancellor couldn't bid
himself for the Gee, but he gets that brave Baron Motolke to do it
THE BENEFITS OF A BOMBARDMENT.
Supposing London were bombarded, would the Tower, which is its
for him. Bless your buttons.T'ra there. And thi^'ay'sp^culator'asked only fortress, soon capitulate ? or would the Governor of that citadel
his price and got it: which it were. take a leaf, say, from the book of the Governor of Strasburg, and let
Now, then, did I false report? Not me, George. tfle city De destroyed before he would surrender? How should we
But you, Sir, You—O, how could you be down on Your Own Truth- relish hearing that the Strand was being shelled, or that Regent Street
M Tommy ?
And then write to this Light-hearted Soldier to know "what he
meant by it?"
was being reduced to utter ruins ? Imagine one's dismay if the Bank
were laid in ashes, or if one heard of the complete annihilation of the
Punch office ! In some respects, however, we could bow with resigna-
Sir, your conduct has walked into me like a hot knife into butter. 1 tion to the fate of a bombardment. We could bear, without complaint,
On receiving your letter, which did not contain the due amount of stuff, ^ hear that Temple Bar had been levelled with the dust; and, pro-
this Broken-hearted Warrior leant on his sword and wiped away a ; aiding that the pictures had all been moved elsewhere, we should hardly
trickier. j droP a tear on hearing of the demolition ol the National Gallery. A
Mister, Sir, I appeal. This Gay Light-hearted Yours Ever Truly i well-directed fire on certain back-slums we could mention, where thieves
appeals to the entire Prooshian Army, to the whole Civilised Biling of do mostly congregate, would scarcely be regarded as a profitless ca
Europe, against his enemies. As for Herr Bouncer Bismarck, he '11
have a line from this Unsullied Brave which will call him to the Tented
Eield, and if this Scientific Warrior don't shake his door-mat, and
double up his Prooshian Perambulator, never trust the word of a British
Officer again.
******
Villum is at Versailles. Villtjm has just sent for this Light-
hearted Correspondent, to ask him about things in general.
Your Own attracts notice. All the people, as this Militaire walks
along the street, say " Goy! what a feller!"
Villum and the Hereditary Grand met me in the Gardens. This
noble Marquis don't kootoo, and they know it.
" Villum," says Your Own, after the first how-was-you-to-morrows
were over, and the Staff was sent off, " how about that blooming young
Bismarck ?"
" Captain," says King Villum, " we 're all tiled here."
The Hereditary gave the sign, and we went hands round in the regu-
lar free-and-accepted grasp.
What passed between us after this can't be told to a fourth party,
being, you '11 please to observe, strictly Masonic, and no admittance
except on business.
We separated late, this Silent Mason and the Hereditary putting
Villum the Victor into his virtuous downy. It was as much as we
could do to prevent him from telegraphing to Her Royal Majesty,
" All right. Cockalorums on the scoop. 'Nother battle," and then
he was for adding something pious from a hymn that he'd learnt in his
early childhood, which he sang in several different tunes, bringing it
out as a chorus to this Elevated Soldier's " Won't go home till
morning "—which we didn't.
Bismarck was not in the hunt, you perceive, but in consequence of
his conduct to this Gay Soldier, he has put himself in the cart.
Your Own is all over the shop, and tittup's the word.
B. has promised to send contradictions to all the German papers,
and this Gallant Soldier is himself again, and all there when the bell
rings as usual. Yours ever, Your Own, Dyngwell.
P.S. Post the Stuff, my Cockalorum. Think of the Cheque which
cheers but doesn't inebriate.—D.
lamity : and if all the barrel-organs in London were destroyed by the
bombs of the besiegers, the loss might by some few of us not wholly be
lamented. Supposing half our public statues should be blown to bits,
we trust the public sorrow would not be inconsolable : the one at Hyde
Park Corner would afford a mark conspicuous at a good long range,
and few lovers of the fine arts would regret its demolition. Were
Holywell Street set fire to by a shower of red-hot shot, we hope that
we should learn to bear the loss resignedly : and were a shell or two to
burst bang in the midst of Leicester Square, the desolation there occa-
sioned would hardly be more hideous than what we see at present.
TOTAL ABSTINENCE TRIED.
The Mussulmans strong drink eschew,
So likewise does your mild Hindoo.
With wine, beer, spirits, they dispense,
And practice total abstinence.
Consider how that system works
Among the Brahmins and the Turks,
And, if we were the same to try,
Should we be much improved thereby ?
Physic in the French Army.
A newspaper Correspondent at the Prussian head-quarters, refer-
ring to the French cavalry, says :—
'' At Sedan a magnificent charge was made by the Marciuis Gallipot, at
the head of his chasseurs."
French pharmacy appears to be enabled to boast of a nobleman and
a hero. __
Grammar of Assent.
The result of the Roman Plebiscitum may be thus summarised. It
was " Yes, yes," instead of " No, no." (Subaudi Pio.) But if it
had been " No no," what then ? All one. Two negatives are equal
to an affirmative.
Vol. 59
6—2
WAR NEWS.
{From your Own Cockalorum)
NEW AND OLD LEADING.
The Bishop of Winchester has recently delivered an inaugural
t- , ,, , ,,. ,, , n w i i • u -j. address to the Church Congress at Southampton with his accustomed
I write to say that this wont do, your noble Washup, which it ; el ce< The Morning Pod, in a leader, quotes and comments on
wont. hat say young Bismarck has been sending to several papers, a specimen of the Lord Bishop's discourse :-
German and English, to say that Your Ononis Account of the Meeting
between himself (meaning this Light-hearted Soldier) and'the Hereditary
about that noble Gee (which subsequently astonished the mighty Baron,
""When the awakening intellect first looks back upon the dull, lifeless,
irreceptive torpor in which it has hitherto lain entranced, the revulsion of a
as told in these Voracious Memoirs) was all a Simple Invention, and \ na.tural indignation against the past is not without its perils," and "at such a
1 crisis, unless there be some guide capable of leading for a time the half-
recovered consciousness which discerns dimly the true relations between itself
never did take place at all// It didn't; O no, never, of course not,
p'raps not, 0 no, which it weren't, and I'm another. O, of course. ,
l» „ „ +k; .«..fUf„i i >i l a tt jn. n j and tlle objects around it, 'seeing men as trees walking,' it is but too nro-
P raps this truthful Militaire doesn t know the Hereditary Grand, O , bable that £ win fall mto 'gome st *n and it be fatf} confu81™ ft£
no ot course not ! P raps he doesn t sup with him, and smoke pipes ! leading by the hand is the Church's true office,' and in order to its effective
with him, and lend'him— but O no we never mention it—and perhaps discharge, Dr. Wilberforce contends that she needs that readiness which is
this Lighthearted Gallant doesn't have no end of talky-talkies with all j bred of Conference."
the Hereditaries aud Transparencies and Grand Dooks and six-foot! n c ., Q „ , , ,
nothings in jnck-boots all over the shop. O, of course not. O no ! L ^onterenqe or confidence ? Conference labours every year even as
Go it, Bismarck ! Go it, mv gav Politician ! mountain did • but does she bring forth so much ? You may,
And p raps this Dashing Young White Cockader didn't buy a per- j ^deed call Conference Mother Conference just as you. would call
forming Gee to ring bells, fire pistols, and put the whole art of war bootY Two-shoes Mother lwo-shoes, Mrs. Iwo-shoes being past the
into a nutshell. 0 no ! And p'raps this high-mettled Gee wasn't the age ot P°88lbk maternity. Who has ever seen the name of Conference
envvof all the Prooshian Officers from Hereditary Cockalorums, Dooks amonS th,e Births and who could have expected to hear Readiness
of Seidlitz Powders, and Little Slngymaringy downwards. Of course ; mentioned as a child which Conference had given birth to/
But never mind. Ihis leading by the hand is the Church s true
y earnest inquirer will be glad to know
says that. To be led by the hand—how
much more satisfactory it is than to be led by the nose!
And what's the Real Truth. Your Light-hearted will give it you,! °ffif^ Hear hear! Every earnest inquirer will be glad to kno
and no extra charge. that bishop Wile erforce says that, lo be led by the hand—ho
That wary round-the-corner Politician, that Artful Quirassier. that
Sagacious Prime Chancellor, was down on the noble Gee Himself!
This Gay Cockalorum was up to the whole bag of tricks, and was in
the stable: consequently Your Own knew the little game, and was up
to the little move. Of course the Chickaleary Chancellor couldn't bid
himself for the Gee, but he gets that brave Baron Motolke to do it
THE BENEFITS OF A BOMBARDMENT.
Supposing London were bombarded, would the Tower, which is its
for him. Bless your buttons.T'ra there. And thi^'ay'sp^culator'asked only fortress, soon capitulate ? or would the Governor of that citadel
his price and got it: which it were. take a leaf, say, from the book of the Governor of Strasburg, and let
Now, then, did I false report? Not me, George. tfle city De destroyed before he would surrender? How should we
But you, Sir, You—O, how could you be down on Your Own Truth- relish hearing that the Strand was being shelled, or that Regent Street
M Tommy ?
And then write to this Light-hearted Soldier to know "what he
meant by it?"
was being reduced to utter ruins ? Imagine one's dismay if the Bank
were laid in ashes, or if one heard of the complete annihilation of the
Punch office ! In some respects, however, we could bow with resigna-
Sir, your conduct has walked into me like a hot knife into butter. 1 tion to the fate of a bombardment. We could bear, without complaint,
On receiving your letter, which did not contain the due amount of stuff, ^ hear that Temple Bar had been levelled with the dust; and, pro-
this Broken-hearted Warrior leant on his sword and wiped away a ; aiding that the pictures had all been moved elsewhere, we should hardly
trickier. j droP a tear on hearing of the demolition ol the National Gallery. A
Mister, Sir, I appeal. This Gay Light-hearted Yours Ever Truly i well-directed fire on certain back-slums we could mention, where thieves
appeals to the entire Prooshian Army, to the whole Civilised Biling of do mostly congregate, would scarcely be regarded as a profitless ca
Europe, against his enemies. As for Herr Bouncer Bismarck, he '11
have a line from this Unsullied Brave which will call him to the Tented
Eield, and if this Scientific Warrior don't shake his door-mat, and
double up his Prooshian Perambulator, never trust the word of a British
Officer again.
******
Villum is at Versailles. Villtjm has just sent for this Light-
hearted Correspondent, to ask him about things in general.
Your Own attracts notice. All the people, as this Militaire walks
along the street, say " Goy! what a feller!"
Villum and the Hereditary Grand met me in the Gardens. This
noble Marquis don't kootoo, and they know it.
" Villum," says Your Own, after the first how-was-you-to-morrows
were over, and the Staff was sent off, " how about that blooming young
Bismarck ?"
" Captain," says King Villum, " we 're all tiled here."
The Hereditary gave the sign, and we went hands round in the regu-
lar free-and-accepted grasp.
What passed between us after this can't be told to a fourth party,
being, you '11 please to observe, strictly Masonic, and no admittance
except on business.
We separated late, this Silent Mason and the Hereditary putting
Villum the Victor into his virtuous downy. It was as much as we
could do to prevent him from telegraphing to Her Royal Majesty,
" All right. Cockalorums on the scoop. 'Nother battle," and then
he was for adding something pious from a hymn that he'd learnt in his
early childhood, which he sang in several different tunes, bringing it
out as a chorus to this Elevated Soldier's " Won't go home till
morning "—which we didn't.
Bismarck was not in the hunt, you perceive, but in consequence of
his conduct to this Gay Soldier, he has put himself in the cart.
Your Own is all over the shop, and tittup's the word.
B. has promised to send contradictions to all the German papers,
and this Gallant Soldier is himself again, and all there when the bell
rings as usual. Yours ever, Your Own, Dyngwell.
P.S. Post the Stuff, my Cockalorum. Think of the Cheque which
cheers but doesn't inebriate.—D.
lamity : and if all the barrel-organs in London were destroyed by the
bombs of the besiegers, the loss might by some few of us not wholly be
lamented. Supposing half our public statues should be blown to bits,
we trust the public sorrow would not be inconsolable : the one at Hyde
Park Corner would afford a mark conspicuous at a good long range,
and few lovers of the fine arts would regret its demolition. Were
Holywell Street set fire to by a shower of red-hot shot, we hope that
we should learn to bear the loss resignedly : and were a shell or two to
burst bang in the midst of Leicester Square, the desolation there occa-
sioned would hardly be more hideous than what we see at present.
TOTAL ABSTINENCE TRIED.
The Mussulmans strong drink eschew,
So likewise does your mild Hindoo.
With wine, beer, spirits, they dispense,
And practice total abstinence.
Consider how that system works
Among the Brahmins and the Turks,
And, if we were the same to try,
Should we be much improved thereby ?
Physic in the French Army.
A newspaper Correspondent at the Prussian head-quarters, refer-
ring to the French cavalry, says :—
'' At Sedan a magnificent charge was made by the Marciuis Gallipot, at
the head of his chasseurs."
French pharmacy appears to be enabled to boast of a nobleman and
a hero. __
Grammar of Assent.
The result of the Roman Plebiscitum may be thus summarised. It
was " Yes, yes," instead of " No, no." (Subaudi Pio.) But if it
had been " No no," what then ? All one. Two negatives are equal
to an affirmative.
Vol. 59
6—2