Punch: Punch (69.1875)

September 4, 1875.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

89

sea, or economical and away in the town (with a sea-view from the
back-bedroom window) ?

Shall we take the dining-room, or the drawing-room ?

Shall we shut np our house at home; or leave Saeah in it on board
wages, and give her the company of Mrs. Niglett, the charwoman
(Saeah being of a timid nature) ; or shall we send Saeah home for
a holiday, and put Police Constable Shadlock and his wife in
command of the premises ?

What shall we do with the plate ?

"What arrangement shall we make about the cat?

Shall we take baby's cot, and the perambulator, and the tra-
velling-bath, and the camp-stools, and the gun-case, and the large
telescope ?

Shall we have to pay for extra luggage ?

"What class shall we go ?

Shall we take return tickets ?

Shall we go for three weeks, or" a month ?

"What train shall we go by ?

"What additional extra shall we find this year ?

Shall we come back well, and happy, and contented, cherishing
the most agreeable reminiscences of Chearmouth and Mbs. Faibeax ;
or shall we return dyspeptic, and cross, and dissatisfied, resolute
never to set foot in Kelpside again, and dwelling on the recollec-
tion of Mes. Filckek with fierce hate and unconquerable aversion ?

Shall we stay at home this year, and have some drives and little
dinners, and take the children to the Zoological Gardens, and the
Crystal and Alexandra Palaces, and the Thames Embankment, and
the Fish Museum at South Kensington, and Kensington Gardens ?

CONSIDERATIONS ON COOKERY SCHOOLS.

lx the arrangements of
Cookery Schools should, of
course, be made, as the
bumpkin said, with a view
to Eton.

In the First Form of a
Cookery School the instruc-
tion should be rudimentary.
The earliest lesson might
be how to toast a piece of
bread, which not everybody
knows. The next, perhaps,
how to boil potatoes. Yes,
"perhaps;" because the
ability to boil potatoes pro-
perly is uncommon. It
may even be considered by
some persons as the test of
scholarship in Cookery, and
thought worthy to consti-
tute the principal exercise
of the Sixth Form.

The Second Form might
learn the rudiments of
roasting, boiling, and fry-
ing after having received
sufficient instruction in
Chemistry. One of the
first lessons to be impressed
on the tender' mmd is that all cookery is essentially a chemical
process, an operation based on principles. An unprincipled cook is
as bad as an unjust steward.

Made-dishes of the simpler kind might be commenced in the
Third Form. For instance, plain hashes, minces, and stews—
including Irish Stew.

The Fourth Form might go as far as bubble-and-squeak and
toad-in-the-hole.

In the Fifth Form the course might comprise the ordinary Three
Courses ; not Me. Gladstone's, but those of the well-to-do middle
classes.

The composition of "French kickshaws and toys" should be
reserved for the Sixth Form. At the top of the School the students
could learn to prepare such dishes as potage de tortue clair and turtle
puree, doree a Vltalienne, viz de veau, mazarine de foie gras a la
Lucullus, and so on with all manner of salmis, fricandeux, and fri-
cassees—such as supreme de volaille.

These hints have been partly suggested by an interesting report
in the Standard of an official visit by Me. Btjckmastee, deputed
from the Committee of Council to inspect the Cookery School of
St. Mary's, Soho, an academy originated by the Eev. Eobeet
Gwynne, Vicar, and Me. Thomas Blackweix, Churchwarden, with
the object of teaching " Cookery for the poor and invalids." In this
establishment education does not soar quite so high as mazarine

de foie gras d la Lucullus. But it is sound as far as it goes. Some
idea of it may be derived from the following extract from a diary:—

" ' Went to market at 30 past 9, February 20th, 1875.—Two lbs. of tripe at
8d., Is. 4d.; dripping, id. ; two sheep's hearts, lOd.; giblets for pie, M.;
onions, id.; pork for soup, Zd. ; flour, 2d. ; currants, Id.; potatoes, M.;
carrots, sage, and leeks, 3d.: total cost, is. 9d.' On this date from these pur-
chases eighteen persons dined."

In this School it will be observed that economy is taught as well
as cookery; and the Vicar and Curates sometimes sit down to dine
in the kitchen on dishes provided from such as the above-named
materials.

In the Soho Cookery School prizes for proficiency are awarded to
successful pupils. In the higher Schools which must soon be gene-
rally^ instituted, competition will probably be promoted likewise;
but it is to be feared that in Cookery Schools, beyond all others,
there will inevitably be a peculiar tendency to cram.

DIGNITY AND IMPUDENCE.

The Commissioners appointed to examine into the cases of
corruption alleged to have taken place at the.Bribeborough Election
resumed their inquiry.

Me. Cash; examined : He' said he was a member of the firm of
Cash, Discotjnt & Co., Universal Merchants. He knew nothing
about the bribery said to have taken place at the election. The
fact of the matter was this—the Commissioners would have their
trouble for nothing. {A laugh.)

The Chief Commissioner. Don't be so sure of that! {Renewed
laughter.)

The "Witness resumed : "What was the good of dragging him into
that room when he had nothing to say ?

Commissiotier Wagg. Come, Sir, I have no doubt you are very
fond of a drag at Epsom! {Roars of laughter.)
_ The Witness resumed : He admitted that the Commissioner was
right—on this occasion only ! {Laughter.) "Well, he had said his
say, and there was an end of it. He could give no further evidence
of any value on any subject to any one. {A laugh.)

The Chief Commissioner. "What is your favourite Party ?

The Witness. A dinner-party! {Roars of laughter.)

Commissioner Clever. Very likely. But we don't mean that.
What we want to know is this, do you belong to the Pinks or to the
Blues ?

_ The Witness. Well, at the election I belonged to the Pinks, but,
since I entered this room, I have wbeen in the Blues ! {Shouts of
laughter.)

Thomas Clodd was next examined. Witness said he was a
labourer. He had a vote at the election.

Commissioner Clever. A what ?

The Witness. A vote. Don't you know what a vote is ? {Laughter.)

Commissioner Clever. Do you ? {Renewed laughter.) Come,
what is a vote? {The Witness hesitated.) Try and describe it.
Well, perhaps I can help you. Is it a vegetable ? {Laughter.) Is
it good to eat ?

The Witness. No, it's good for drink. {Roars of laughter.)

The Witness resumed: He was a poor man.

The Chief Commissioner. And fond of your beer ? {A laugh.)

The Witness. Yes, when it ain't brought to me by the under-
taker. {Much laughter.)

The Witness resumed: He did not know why he had been
brought before the Commissioners. He could offer no evidence.
At the Election he had had some beer. He took it as a medicine.
{A laugh.) He was not very well.

Commissioner Wagg. In fact it was a case of ailing! {Laughter.)

The Witness. You make a pint of the beer. That's wrong—it
was a quart! {Renewed laughter.)

Commissioner Wagg. I see that you will give me no quarter!
{Roars of laughter.)

The Witness resumed: He did not know why the Commissioners
had come down to Bribeborough. They (the Commissioners) would
make a mess of it. {A laugh.)

The Chief Commissioner. Well, a Bar Mess is a very pleasant
thing indeed! {Much laughter from the other Commissioners.)

The Witness having no further evidence to offer, the inquiry
was adjourned. _

A Peculiar Plant.

Some apparently poetical party has advertised in the Daily Tele-
graph for a—

T7EGETABLE MAID WANTED at the Tavistock Hotel, Covent
V Garden.—Apply after six o'clock.

Ptoses belong to the vegetable kingdom; so do Lilies. Is the
foregoing a matrimonial advertisement for a Virgin Flower ?