Punch (80.1881)

March 12, 1881.] PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 119

A " LOOPHOLE."

Visitor (who'is leaving). " But I see here—(pointing to bill)—that it's strictly forbidden !"

Waiter (for Self and Page, dkc). "An, but we never made no Stranger of you, Sir, 'm sure, Sir!" [Usual result !

Mr. Justice Fry.—Very well, brother North. (Laughter.) I am
not in very good voice, so am quite agreeable. By all means, let
Mr. Sullivan take bis place at the piano, and Mr. Gilbert stand
on tbe Clerk's table, and give us a verse or two.

[Prolonged applause, during which Mr. Sullivan teas assisted
over the Counsels' heads, on to the Bench, while Mr. Gilbert
mounted the table amidst some vociferous banter from friends
at the back of the Court.

Mr. W. S. Gilbert said :—

When we, good friends, discovered that " Fame "

Spelt " impecunious party,"
We winked to each other, and said, '' This game

Is a vast deal too High-Arty."
So we turned in our minds to Ages Ago,

And to Serjeant Bouncer's fury,
Cut Handel and Shakspeare, and stormed Soho

With a new sort of Trial by Jury.

The Plaintiffs were about to proceed with a second verse when
Mr. Russell interposed. He said he did not see the good of con-
tinuing this. They were met there this morning for the sole pur-
pose of having a good stare at a whole host of theatrical celebrities,
and he was most anxious for his part to produce his thirty odd like-
nesses at once.

Mr. Justice Fry.—Certainly, Mr. Russell; let them all stand
in a row on the Bench. I should like to have a look at them myself.
Which is Mr. Bancroft ?

Mr. Russell.—You shall see him, my Lud. (To the Usher.)
Show Mr. Bancroft to a Public Box. [Loud laughter.

Mr. Bancroft then entered the witness-box. He said a company
of Walking Gentlemen could manage a run between them. He had
seen it done. One of the best runs he ever had was with a Hare at
the Prince of Wales's.

Cross-examined.—Yes, he had known a run cut short from simply
doing his duty. He did not mean absolutely his own duty—but
somebody else's. A volcano in the pit of a theatre need not stop a
run. All the manager would have to do would be freely to admit

paper into the crater after seven, and send down the prompter with
the book in a fire-escape.

Mr. Justice Fry.—Excellent. Now let' s look at somebody else.

Mr. John Hollingshead was then examined. He had never
stopped the run of a piece in his life. On the contrary he had acted
on the principle that a piece that couldn't rim, and wouldn't run,
ought to be made to run. He managed that very simply. He never,
if he could help it, allowed a piece to try to run without legs.
(Laughter.)

Mr. Justice Fry.—I suppose, Mr. Hollingshead, you see no 'arm
in that ? [Boars of laughter.

Mr. Arthur Sullivan was the next witness. He said he_ was
first led away from the paths of virtuous High-Art oratorio-writing
by a gentleman who did the libretto of Cox and Box. He would
prefer not to mention names. Regretted it exceedingly. _ Yes, he
had not stopped there. Meeting with his brother Plaintiff in the
present proceedings, they had gone step by step further away from
the Albert Hall. (Here the Witness was visibly agitated.) Had,_he
admitted, found this " descensus Averni" remunerative. Oratorios,
as a rule, did not run anything like five hundred nights, and so were
never very satisfactory to the composer. He should say that the
market-price of a first-class oratorio, fully scored, with the band
parts copied out, would be about £4 10s. [Sensation.

Cross-examined—-It was easy to stop the run of an oratorio. If
you didn't pay the band, and the chorus, and the organist, and the
principal singers, and the conductor, an oratorio would not run long.
Being asked whether, notwithstanding this, he was sorry to have
met with Mr. W. S. Gilbert, the Witness burst into tears, and,
amid a scene of indescribable confusion, was carried out of Court. _

After a few minutes' consideration, the Jury returned a verdict
for the Plaintiffs.

Mr. Justice Fry.—Well, Gentlemen, that will be sixpence to each
of you!

Upon the verdict being known, all concerned in the proceedings
joined in a break-down dance and patter-chorus, the Plaintiffs
handsomely announcing their intention of giving the Jury a cold
luncheon on the damages.