Punch: Punch (81.1881)

274 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 10, 1881.

THAT TRADING
CHINEE !

[By Truthful John.)

[Chinese Merchants are coming
over in the Meifoo to establish
themselves in London.]

Oh, say what do I hear,

What was read out to me,
That a ship will appear,—■
Has been sent over sea,
By those sad sharps the Mer-
chants of China,—
Sent here by the trading
Chinee!

All my large China trade,
In the goods that I send,

"Will be lost, I'm afraid,
To such tricks there 's no
end •

Though with opium grown in
my Indy
I ruin their brains like a
friend.

Here's a steamer comes o'er
Which they call the
Meifoo,
And it brings to my shore
Chinese merchants and
crew,

And they '11 presently come
in large numbers—
I'm hanged if I know what
to do I

For these Chinese love tin,

And it's clear unto me
That Chin Lung and Ah Sin
Will be dealing in tea ;
Till I lose all my commerce
with China,
And all through that trading
Chinee!

Mrs. Ramsbotham says her
nephew ought to put on top-
boots for hunting, as he com-
plains of hurting his legs
with those Anti-Necropolises
he now wears.

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 61.

MR. JAMES PAYN.

The Payn, qui vaut la Chandelle to sit up and read him by, repre-
sented as the Lost Sir Missingbird preserved by his own "High
Spirits." When he writes a Novel, Payn takes a lot of Trouble ;
and when Novel-Readers want some Books, they take a lot of
Path's.

POET'S CORNER.

Or Nonsense Rhymes on well-
known Names,

{Tu quoque.)

Says James to young

Churchill,
"You'll be from my birch

ill."

Says Churchill to James,
" Well, you called me names."

{From the Black Country.)

Says Send all to Blmberley,
" I'm up a chimberly ! "
Says Kimberley to Sendall,
" Stop there and mend all."

\{At the Cattle Show.)

Says Gibbs to Sidney,
"They're fat down to mid-
knee."
Says Sidney to Cibbs,
" You can't see their ribs."

{Before the Pigeon Match.)

Says Wortley to Carver,
" Come, no palaver ! "
Says Carver to Wortley,
" Don't speak so curtly."

Johnny Toole's theatre,
The Folly, to be re-chris-
tened Toole's Theatre, is not
to be opened till January, or
Johnnywary. We hope this
renaming notion will stop
here, or we shall have
Irving's Theatre, Terry's
Theatre, Marius's Theatre,
and St. John's Theatre as
a balance to St. James's.
There's Wallack's in New
York, but that's in the family.

The Grate Exhibition of
1881.—The Show of Stoves and
Fireplaces at the Albert Hall.

WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH HIM ?

" It is now definitely understood that CetewAYO will visit England in the
spring."—Durban Correspondent of Daily Paper.

How will he come to us ? What will he say to us ?

Who is to board him, and who is to pay ?
Will he for Kingdom and Liberty pray to us,

And dine on raw dog in his primitive way ?
Will he revel in parties, receptions, and gaieties,

Inspect a red " Impi " on Alder shot Downs ?
Help at the Boat-race, and found a new hospital ?

Call on Sir Bartle, and then ride to hounds ?

Shall we lodge him in Newgate ? or feast him at Clarldge's ?

Guard him with " Bobbies," or let him walk free ?
Shall we drive him in one of Her Majesty's carriages ?

What, as a fact, is his status to be P
Will he go to the Tower, and " eat up " the Beefeaters,

Do the Aquarium, and lunch on the crowd ?
Star as a lion in black inexpressibles,

Visit the Opera, and there yawn aloud ?

Will he stand for a Borough ? And what are his politics ?

Does he belong to the '' Radical Tail" ?
Has he heard of our Randolph ? Prefers he our Chamberlain ?

What are his views on the right of Free Sale ?
Ah, but perhaps he is coming to talk to us

Of Zululand*s troubles—of which he is one.
Cannot he write it P And why should His Majesty

Plague us again with a tale that is Dunn f

"IMPRESSIONS DU THEATRE."

The production of Mr. Oscar Wilde's* play Vera is deferred.
Naturally no one would expect a Veerer to be at all certain : it must
be, like a pretendedly infallible forecast, so very weather-cocky.
Vera is about Nihilism: this looks as if there were nothing in it.
But why did Mr. 0'Wilde select the Adelphi for his first appearance
as a Dramatic Author, in which career we wish him cordially all the
success he may deserve ? Why did he not select the Savoy ? Surely
where there's a Donkey Cartf—we should say D'Oyly Carte—there
ought to be an opportunity for an 'Os-car ?

* In answer to numerous inquiries, we beg to state, that, as far as we know,
the Wilds of Scotland are no relation to the Wildes of Ireland.—Ed.

f Forgive us this once, Mr. D'Oyly Carte (Oh, why were you gifted with
that fatally tempting name P)—and we will never, never, never, never, call
you Donkey Carte again. " What, never f "—Well—not often.—Ed.

seasonable advice.

Treatment for an Enemy.—Punch his head!
Treatment for a Friend— Punch's Almanack!

"Dear me!" said Mrs. Ramsbotham, "there's the Graphic
Christmas Number, and the Illustrated Christmas Number, and the
Smithneld Cattle Show too! All the Christmas Animals coming
out in the same week! "

ItoLREMENT of Sir George Bramwell.— Otium cum Wig.