DOI Heft:
May 10, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0234
228
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[May 10, 1884.
ALL-IN-THE-BLUE BOOKS;
“ Looks just like frosted silver,” said the Doctor, holding it out,
and looking fondly in the quarter where the cow’s tail ought to have
been.
Most interesting sitting. Sort of “ Nicht wi’ Burns.”
Playfair himself apologised to House for not bringing down few
“ objects.” Has remarkable line specimen of a Mother-in-law, which
House might like to have seen in a bottle ; also a sheep or two, a pig,
and a specimen (very rare) of an elephant. Even without these,
lecture admirable. Marvel of clearness of statement, here and there
glowing with genuine eloquence.
LaTiby in genial Liberal mood. Declares he ’s no objection what-
ever to Grand Cross being buried in the ground, if he likes it. For
himself, prefers being cremated.
“ There are a good many people,” says Gibson, cheerfully, “ from
the Duke of Valamisrosa downwards, who would cherish opportunity
of carrying Labby about in small glass bottle in waistcoat pocket. ”_
Home Secretary full of humour. In fact, House as merry as if
discussing most cheerful topic in the world.
“It’s the one touch of nature, don’t you know, that makes the whole
world cousins or aunts or something of the kind,” says Mr. Chris-
topher Sykes, perfuming the place with a shake of his pocket-
handkerchief. “ Been told undertakers always most jovial parties.
Gad! I nearly smiled myself when Harcourt talked about Commis-
sioners of Sewers disappearing in chariot of tire. Didn’t see it at the
moment. Then other fellows had finished laughing; thought it
would be a bore to smile by myself, so gave it up. But doosed near it.”
Business done.—Cremation Bill thrown out by 149 votes against
79. “The Bill an un-urned increment on the number already
rejected this Session,” says Charles Russell.
Thursday.—“How do you do?” I said, giving a paw to Glad-
stone, as he stood behind the Speaker’s Chair, chatting light-
heartedly with one or two Members. Chaplin, after thundering
around his Amendment to the Franchise Bill, had just bethought him
of the part of prudent General, and, amid roars of laughter, had
announced that he wouldn’t go to Division.
“ So near is Tragedy to Farce,” said Peter, whose kind heart had
been really thrilled by Chaplin’s deep voice and awesome looks as he
addressed the House.
Hadn’t spoken to my Chief for some days. Glad of opportunity.
“ My good friend, Toby,” said Gladstone, addressing Gentlemen
near, “asks how do I do. That is a question which naturally
divides itself under two heads. There is the How and the Do, not to
mention my own personality referred to in the You, which, if time
were not short and business pressing, might suggest a third course.
Then I have to ask myself, whether I shall first address my reply
to the inquiry, How, or to the assumption Do. Do what ? 1 might
inquire of my excellent friend Toby. That would appear to be
necessary before, with due sense of public duty and care for public
interests, I should commit myself to a statement on the first part of
his question. Again, there is the assumption that my young friend-
young in years, but old in my acquaintance and fixed in my esteem
- -may be using this phrase in its colloquial sense, simply inquiring
after the state of my health. That may be so. I do not too
confidently assume it; but supposing it to be the case,—and my
friend will correct me if I am wrong—I may say that the change in
the weather which we have recently noted with satisfaction and
pleasure (of course I allude to the alteration in the direction of the
wind from Easterly to South-Westerly, a change which sometimes
is not unaccompanied by extreme humidity in the atmosphere)
is a variation of atmospherical conditions that cannot fail to be
acceptable to persons who, like myself, have just passed through a
period of indisposition arising from relaxation of the muscles of the
throat. I have now given the best answer in my power, in the fewest
possible words, and I trust that I have made myself clear. If not,
and my friend will put down his question for an early day, I will
consult with Earl Granville, and if any more extended reply can
he made, I need hardly say how gratifying it would be to me to place
further information at the disposal of one so widely and deservedly
esteemed.”
“ Then you ’re pretty well,” I said, gasping for breath, and finding
myself alone with him, the others having gradually slunk away.
“ Thank you, yes,” said Gladstone.
Business done.—Franchise Bill got into Committee.
Friday.—Rather a miscellaneous evening. A good deal of talk up
to midnight and then a little work. Raikes making up stories about
Hereford Election; pulls up Pulley, Senior Member, and reads
sharp lesson to Reid, Junior. Listened to with respect as authority
upon Elections Avhere corrupt practices alleged ; hut style not lively.
Ashmead-Bartlett pervades proceedings. Begins with Egypt, is
great on Morning Sittings, halts at Hereford, and delivers monologue
: on Madagascar.
“ The Man with the Muck Rake,” Lord Edmond Fitzmaurice calls
| him, lamenting deplorable tendency of efforts to revive topics of
j international controversy.
Business done.—Cattle Diseases Bill passed through Committee.
or, The Precis of It.
Yesterday the promised Egyptian Despatches were laid on the
table of the Houses of Parliament. They comprise a great many
papers relating to the recent action of Her Majesty’s Government in
regard to the Soudan, several, dated April 1st, having a special value
as bearing on the subject.
They commence with some well-considered recommendations from
Sir E. B-r-ng, as to the wisest course to have been pursued at a
period now passed. Concluding his despatch, Sir E. B-r-ng says :—
“And now you have my opinion on the matter; and I have
nothing further to add beyond—that’s all I We got to say about it.”
In reply to this, on the following day, Lord Gr-nv-lle writes
r‘ Yours to hand ; and I think you may safely assume I am only
expressing the distinct, decisive, and unanimous feeling of Her
Majesty’s Government, when I say that I do wish you would have
the goodness in future to keep your opinions to yourself.”
A little later in the afternoon on the same day, Lord Gr-nv-lle
adds:-
“ Yo offence by my last, of course ; hut you must surely see that
you, who are on the spot, are muph less likely to have an apprecia-
tive understanding of what is going on at Cairo than Her Majesty’s
Government, who enjoy the enormous advantage of contemplating
the situation from Downing Street. At the same time, you might
perhaps as well communicate to them General Gordon’s views of
their recent conduct (this, of course, in cipher), in order that, should
any disagreeable questions on the subject, which Her Majesty’s
Government do not for a moment anticipate, be asked hereafter in j
Parliament, they may be prepared with a sufficient, cheerful, and
suitable reply. Meantime, I may venture to add that they would he |
pleased to hear from you whether you consider it really as pleasant j
a walk from Khartoum to the Equator in July as Her Majesty’s j
Government, acting on the advice of experts, have in their recent
communications officially assumed it to he.”
Receiving no reply whatever to this despatch, Lord Gr-nv-lle, at
2 a.m. the next morning, changed the subject, and telegraphed as
follows:—
“ Have been thinking about Gordon. Do let him know that even
if he hasn’t a chance of ever getting back again, his disappearance
will have added immensely to his high reputation. Pray impress this
upon him. Tell him also that no other man could have produced the
extraordinary impression he created on his arrival in the Soudan, or
exercised the fascination he then possessed over the minds of a con-
siderable portion of Her Majesty’s Government, checking, apparently,
for the moment, not only the advance of the Mahdi, but what was
far more serious, that of the Opposition.”
To this, in a reply dated the next day, Sir E. B-r-ng tele-
graphs :—
“ I have heard nothing from Gordon for the past five weeks, hut
the last message I received from him was to the effect that Her
Majesty’s Government were ‘ a nice lot.’ ”
To this complimentary message Lord Gr-nv-lle replies in a lengthy
but cordial and appreciative despatch, which appears, however, never
to have been delivered at all, and the general correspondence closes’
somewhat abruptly with the brief series of telegraphic communica-
tions hereunder subjoined:—
Mr. Fg-rt-n to Lord Gr-nv-lle.
Telegraphic.] Cairo, April 30, 3 A.M.
It’s all up. Mahdi riding on sixteen camels abreast. Rebels
carrying everything ! Berber gone. Shendy sacked. Korusko razed.
Wady Haifa blown up. Dongola knocked down. Khartoum quite
disappeared. Gordon rather indignant. What had I better do ?
Lord Gr-nv-lle to Mr. Eg-rt-n.
Telegraphic.'] London, May 1, 3 r.M.
Inform Gordon at once, in cipher, that if., ivith this knowledge, he
continues at Khartoum, he should state to us the cause and intention
ivith which he continues.
Mr. Eg-rt-n to Lord Gr-nv-lle.
Telegraphic.] Cairo, May 2, 3 R.M.
All right. Anything else as funny to communicate if I get a
chance ?
Lord Gr-nv-lle to Mr. Eg-rt-n.
Telegraphic.] London, May 3, 3 A.M.
Yes. 1 think this is even better. You can add expressions both of
respect and gratitude for his gallant and self-sacrificing conduct, and,
for the good he has achieved.
A Circulating Library.—The Hamilton Collection of books now
being sold and dispersed.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[May 10, 1884.
ALL-IN-THE-BLUE BOOKS;
“ Looks just like frosted silver,” said the Doctor, holding it out,
and looking fondly in the quarter where the cow’s tail ought to have
been.
Most interesting sitting. Sort of “ Nicht wi’ Burns.”
Playfair himself apologised to House for not bringing down few
“ objects.” Has remarkable line specimen of a Mother-in-law, which
House might like to have seen in a bottle ; also a sheep or two, a pig,
and a specimen (very rare) of an elephant. Even without these,
lecture admirable. Marvel of clearness of statement, here and there
glowing with genuine eloquence.
LaTiby in genial Liberal mood. Declares he ’s no objection what-
ever to Grand Cross being buried in the ground, if he likes it. For
himself, prefers being cremated.
“ There are a good many people,” says Gibson, cheerfully, “ from
the Duke of Valamisrosa downwards, who would cherish opportunity
of carrying Labby about in small glass bottle in waistcoat pocket. ”_
Home Secretary full of humour. In fact, House as merry as if
discussing most cheerful topic in the world.
“It’s the one touch of nature, don’t you know, that makes the whole
world cousins or aunts or something of the kind,” says Mr. Chris-
topher Sykes, perfuming the place with a shake of his pocket-
handkerchief. “ Been told undertakers always most jovial parties.
Gad! I nearly smiled myself when Harcourt talked about Commis-
sioners of Sewers disappearing in chariot of tire. Didn’t see it at the
moment. Then other fellows had finished laughing; thought it
would be a bore to smile by myself, so gave it up. But doosed near it.”
Business done.—Cremation Bill thrown out by 149 votes against
79. “The Bill an un-urned increment on the number already
rejected this Session,” says Charles Russell.
Thursday.—“How do you do?” I said, giving a paw to Glad-
stone, as he stood behind the Speaker’s Chair, chatting light-
heartedly with one or two Members. Chaplin, after thundering
around his Amendment to the Franchise Bill, had just bethought him
of the part of prudent General, and, amid roars of laughter, had
announced that he wouldn’t go to Division.
“ So near is Tragedy to Farce,” said Peter, whose kind heart had
been really thrilled by Chaplin’s deep voice and awesome looks as he
addressed the House.
Hadn’t spoken to my Chief for some days. Glad of opportunity.
“ My good friend, Toby,” said Gladstone, addressing Gentlemen
near, “asks how do I do. That is a question which naturally
divides itself under two heads. There is the How and the Do, not to
mention my own personality referred to in the You, which, if time
were not short and business pressing, might suggest a third course.
Then I have to ask myself, whether I shall first address my reply
to the inquiry, How, or to the assumption Do. Do what ? 1 might
inquire of my excellent friend Toby. That would appear to be
necessary before, with due sense of public duty and care for public
interests, I should commit myself to a statement on the first part of
his question. Again, there is the assumption that my young friend-
young in years, but old in my acquaintance and fixed in my esteem
- -may be using this phrase in its colloquial sense, simply inquiring
after the state of my health. That may be so. I do not too
confidently assume it; but supposing it to be the case,—and my
friend will correct me if I am wrong—I may say that the change in
the weather which we have recently noted with satisfaction and
pleasure (of course I allude to the alteration in the direction of the
wind from Easterly to South-Westerly, a change which sometimes
is not unaccompanied by extreme humidity in the atmosphere)
is a variation of atmospherical conditions that cannot fail to be
acceptable to persons who, like myself, have just passed through a
period of indisposition arising from relaxation of the muscles of the
throat. I have now given the best answer in my power, in the fewest
possible words, and I trust that I have made myself clear. If not,
and my friend will put down his question for an early day, I will
consult with Earl Granville, and if any more extended reply can
he made, I need hardly say how gratifying it would be to me to place
further information at the disposal of one so widely and deservedly
esteemed.”
“ Then you ’re pretty well,” I said, gasping for breath, and finding
myself alone with him, the others having gradually slunk away.
“ Thank you, yes,” said Gladstone.
Business done.—Franchise Bill got into Committee.
Friday.—Rather a miscellaneous evening. A good deal of talk up
to midnight and then a little work. Raikes making up stories about
Hereford Election; pulls up Pulley, Senior Member, and reads
sharp lesson to Reid, Junior. Listened to with respect as authority
upon Elections Avhere corrupt practices alleged ; hut style not lively.
Ashmead-Bartlett pervades proceedings. Begins with Egypt, is
great on Morning Sittings, halts at Hereford, and delivers monologue
: on Madagascar.
“ The Man with the Muck Rake,” Lord Edmond Fitzmaurice calls
| him, lamenting deplorable tendency of efforts to revive topics of
j international controversy.
Business done.—Cattle Diseases Bill passed through Committee.
or, The Precis of It.
Yesterday the promised Egyptian Despatches were laid on the
table of the Houses of Parliament. They comprise a great many
papers relating to the recent action of Her Majesty’s Government in
regard to the Soudan, several, dated April 1st, having a special value
as bearing on the subject.
They commence with some well-considered recommendations from
Sir E. B-r-ng, as to the wisest course to have been pursued at a
period now passed. Concluding his despatch, Sir E. B-r-ng says :—
“And now you have my opinion on the matter; and I have
nothing further to add beyond—that’s all I We got to say about it.”
In reply to this, on the following day, Lord Gr-nv-lle writes
r‘ Yours to hand ; and I think you may safely assume I am only
expressing the distinct, decisive, and unanimous feeling of Her
Majesty’s Government, when I say that I do wish you would have
the goodness in future to keep your opinions to yourself.”
A little later in the afternoon on the same day, Lord Gr-nv-lle
adds:-
“ Yo offence by my last, of course ; hut you must surely see that
you, who are on the spot, are muph less likely to have an apprecia-
tive understanding of what is going on at Cairo than Her Majesty’s
Government, who enjoy the enormous advantage of contemplating
the situation from Downing Street. At the same time, you might
perhaps as well communicate to them General Gordon’s views of
their recent conduct (this, of course, in cipher), in order that, should
any disagreeable questions on the subject, which Her Majesty’s
Government do not for a moment anticipate, be asked hereafter in j
Parliament, they may be prepared with a sufficient, cheerful, and
suitable reply. Meantime, I may venture to add that they would he |
pleased to hear from you whether you consider it really as pleasant j
a walk from Khartoum to the Equator in July as Her Majesty’s j
Government, acting on the advice of experts, have in their recent
communications officially assumed it to he.”
Receiving no reply whatever to this despatch, Lord Gr-nv-lle, at
2 a.m. the next morning, changed the subject, and telegraphed as
follows:—
“ Have been thinking about Gordon. Do let him know that even
if he hasn’t a chance of ever getting back again, his disappearance
will have added immensely to his high reputation. Pray impress this
upon him. Tell him also that no other man could have produced the
extraordinary impression he created on his arrival in the Soudan, or
exercised the fascination he then possessed over the minds of a con-
siderable portion of Her Majesty’s Government, checking, apparently,
for the moment, not only the advance of the Mahdi, but what was
far more serious, that of the Opposition.”
To this, in a reply dated the next day, Sir E. B-r-ng tele-
graphs :—
“ I have heard nothing from Gordon for the past five weeks, hut
the last message I received from him was to the effect that Her
Majesty’s Government were ‘ a nice lot.’ ”
To this complimentary message Lord Gr-nv-lle replies in a lengthy
but cordial and appreciative despatch, which appears, however, never
to have been delivered at all, and the general correspondence closes’
somewhat abruptly with the brief series of telegraphic communica-
tions hereunder subjoined:—
Mr. Fg-rt-n to Lord Gr-nv-lle.
Telegraphic.] Cairo, April 30, 3 A.M.
It’s all up. Mahdi riding on sixteen camels abreast. Rebels
carrying everything ! Berber gone. Shendy sacked. Korusko razed.
Wady Haifa blown up. Dongola knocked down. Khartoum quite
disappeared. Gordon rather indignant. What had I better do ?
Lord Gr-nv-lle to Mr. Eg-rt-n.
Telegraphic.'] London, May 1, 3 r.M.
Inform Gordon at once, in cipher, that if., ivith this knowledge, he
continues at Khartoum, he should state to us the cause and intention
ivith which he continues.
Mr. Eg-rt-n to Lord Gr-nv-lle.
Telegraphic.] Cairo, May 2, 3 R.M.
All right. Anything else as funny to communicate if I get a
chance ?
Lord Gr-nv-lle to Mr. Eg-rt-n.
Telegraphic.] London, May 3, 3 A.M.
Yes. 1 think this is even better. You can add expressions both of
respect and gratitude for his gallant and self-sacrificing conduct, and,
for the good he has achieved.
A Circulating Library.—The Hamilton Collection of books now
being sold and dispersed.