Punch (35.1858)

July 31, 1858.J

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

43

was rejected by 46 to 22. Perhaps, if the Lords are sufficiently
pestered, they will pass a Bill, with a preamble to the effect that
such a marriage is utterly detestable, and that it is expedient to
allow anybody to contract it, except a Peer. Br. Punch must not omit
to give his friend, Dk. Wilberforce, the benefit of bringing to the
notice of the Women of England the following slight tribute by the
Bishop to the intellect of woman:—

"Yes, my Lords; so far from its being any constitutional jealousy in English
women, I believe that it is this:—God has given to the two sexes different intel-
lectual powers and qualities—to us, the sterner and harder power of arriving at the
truth chiefly by argument, by induction, and the like; while to her He has given
that which, after all, is a higher attribute—the power of intuition, of perceiving
what is true, what is pure, and what is noble, and, without the tardy process of a
long-considered logic, of coming by that power with which He has endowed her
heart at the truest and the best conclusion."

This is the way oleaginous priests flatter and carney our women,
and then we wonder that the confessional and other similar follies
have a feminine popularity.

The final blow was given to our Indian system. The Bill was

Eissed, the Bishops all hoping that we should try to make India a
hristian country. Earl Derby thought we had better be impartial.
Nothing particular in the Commons, except Lord Stanley's state-
ment that 17,000 soldiers had been sent to India during the last six
months, and that a great and final blow was to be struck during the
cold season. And except that a Bill proceeded by which all but rich
men are to be excluded from Parliament, inasmuch as a candidate is
to pay his voters' travelling expenses. The moment an election
comes, Mr. Punch means to go to Home, and send over his address
and banker's name to M. de Bothschild, if that Baron stands
again for the City.

" SHOP!"

We are about to send over to the Erench nation the funeral car of
the Emperor Napoleon. We have sad forebodings that we are going
to give it to them for nothing ! That would be a deplorable mistake.
We demanded, and received, 180,000 francs for the tomb and grounds
at St. Helena. That was perfectly right, only the property was sold
rather under than over its marketable value. The Americans, we
guess, would have given a precious sight more for it. In fairness, the
lot should have been put up to public auction. However, if we let
this funeral car go out of the country as a stupid free gift, we mean to
say, it will be nothing short of a national disgrace. The mawkish
generosity of the thing will go far to forfeit the reputation that has
been fairly, or unfairly (but we hope' fairly), awarded to us of being
very little better than " a nation of shopkeepers." It is well worth
£300, if it is worth a sou. We are positive that Madame Tussaud
would be glad to give for it £400, at least, if only to enrich her Napo-
leon Museum,—and remarkably cheap, too, at the money. We hope
that Mr. W. W W. W. Williams will not allow this scandalous bit
of jobbery to escape his financial eye.

REGULAR NIGGARDS.

Of all bodies of men perhaps the most contemptible are provincial
Committees. They are, for the most part, distinguished from all other
societies by being peculiarly ungenerous and churlish. In particular,
they are in general actuated by a tyrannical spirit of beadleism which
makes them rejoice in exercising their authority over all who are
subject to it in a harsh and disagreeable manner. If they possibly can
contrive to vex or humiliate any officer under their control, that is, in
their power, to inflict inconvenience upon him, or deprive him of any
comfort, pleasure, or advantage, they usually will, unless he toadies
them with the most abject baseness, and then they are content with
galling him only a little, just to make him feel his collar; keep him
sensible of his dependence on them, and of the fact that he is, as they
say, their servant. These remarks are suggested by the following
paragraph in the Gloucestershire Chronicle:—

" Municipal Wisdom.—The sum of £50 has been collected at Bath for the pur-
pose of being presented to Inspector Norms, of the Bath police, as a public
recognition of his services in the apprehension of Beale, the murderer, and of his
general activity in the discharge of his duty. The matter having been brought
under the notice of the Watch Committee, they have passed a resolution virtually
forbidding Mr. Norms from accepting the money, on the ground that it would be
contrary to the Act of Parliament, which declares that Police-offioers shall not
receive any ' fee or reward.' "

" And quite right too !" exclaims a chorus of sympathizers with the
feelings of Country Committeemen. " The Watch Committee of Bath
only did their duty, which England expects every man to do. They
sacrificed any personal and private feeling, which they might have
entertained in favour of Inspector Norsis, on the altar of legality.
Honest inflexible executors of their trust, they deserve to be held up
to the respect and admiration of the public."

Bow-wow-wow! Gentlemen of the Select Vestry, or whatever may

be your particular province of beadledom. Head on; and mark what
follows :—

" As it happens, however, the same Watch Committee, some years ago, allowed
Admiral Sir W. Carroll, then Chief of the Bath police, to receive a gold watch
presented by public subscription."

This conduct, again, is precisely that which is characteristic of local
Committees. The rigid law which they mete out to their helpless
subordinates is not more remarkable than the liberal indulgence which
they exhibit to officials in a station of power and influence. They aie
strict and severe with those whom they are not afraid of; lax and
complaisant to such as they fear to offend. The Bath Watch Com-
mittee is perhaps not composed of pettier or mearier fellows, and
harder snobs, than the generality of such Committees ; most of which
would have prohibited to an Inspector Norris what they would have
winked at in consideration for an Admiral Sir William Carroll.
The only chance that an Inspector Norris has in such a case lies in
early genuflexion before the worshipful Committee at whose mercy he
is situated, with humble petition for gracious allowance to accept the
little boon which it is in their power to prevent him from enjoying ii
they please, and of which, unless he grovels before them pitifully
enough, the curmudgeons will assuredly deprive the poor fellow.

The Black (Stage) Diamond

Mr. Ira Aldridge, if there is anything in a name, must become
the "rage." But he should beware the injudicious puffing of his
manager pro tern., or he may find the truth of the old copy-book pro-
verb, " Ira est furor brevis,"—that the rage for him will be but a brief
furore.

PARLIAMENTARY QUALIFICATIONS.

Property Qualification is done away with. Let us now hare a
Mental Qualification. The only inconvenience attending the experi-
ment might be, that we should have no Parliament at all. Wnat a
national loss! _

A light airy CONUNDRUM FOR summer WEAR.

When does a dress become a fruit-tree ?—When it has Gros-de-
Naples (growed-an-apple).

[The Compositor who put this conundrum in type has had his head shaved, and
wears a straw wig.—Ed.]

Sunday Trading.—It appears from the returns of the Police, that
the number of persons, who were relieved of their pocket-handkerchiefs,
whilst passing through Petticoat Lane last Sunday, were 427. Of
these, 3 only were new pocket-handkerchiefs.