Punch (35.1858)

94

A WE T BLANKET AT WINDSOR.

Will it be believed

THE KEVEREND PAUL ?EY.

that any gentleman I hope I don't intrude,

could be so genteel as You ask me who am I

to have penned the Who dare to be so rude ?

following lines, which The Reverend Paul Pry.

occur in a letter to the I trust I find you in

Windsor and Eton Ex- A penitential mood,

press, relative to what Tell me ; are y ou in sin P

was intended to be a I hope I don't intrude,
jollification, entitled

"The Literary Insti- About my business

tution Fete? — AM bid me not to go.

" Sib,—May i beg the Your sins you must confess,

favour of a small space Because 1 want to know.

m your paper, in order to mu * , -i^ 1

disclaim auy further con- I hat VOU ve Committed SOHie

uection with the manage- I safely may conclude ;

ment of the forthcoming Out with them, now then, come:

^^rc^mmit- I hope I don't, intrude.

tee, having determined to
eugage ' Ptmch-and-Judy,
dancing-dolls, nigger-song
singers, &c.,' for the de-
lectation of the company
—but especially for that of

Discover to me all

The naughty deeds you've done;
Relate your every fall,
Without omitting one.

the ladies, in addition to your errors eravp nr lio-ht

the ordinary amusements -LOifr, errors, grave or llgM,

of dancing, archery .cricket,
quoits, and various games
of ball, the whole aflair is
made so near an approach
to the low-lived fairs, which
are now so generally con- N0 circumstance COUCeal,

derailed, that i cannot con- -r „„„„,j.l; _ v „„'„ j

sistently have further to TrLet everything be named,

do with its management." However you may reel

Whate'er their multitude,
I '11 thank you to recite :
I hope I don't intrude.

The letter is signed Thomas Chamberlain, Hon. Sec. What manner of man is SJ° ™^!0"fv^^jfjli.

Mr. Chamberlain? Is he a saint of the melancholy and Sabbatarian species? Does he whiK! Lti Lih5

Which you must not elude,
Be pleased, then, to unmask:
I hope I don't intrude.

Your thoughts you must unfold,
To no inquiry dumb,

object to "dancing, archery, cricket, quoits, and games of ball," or is he scandalized
only by " Punch-and-Judy, dancing-dolls, nigger-song singers, &c. ?" If not a saint, is he
a retired Beadle ?

If Mr. Chamberlain is a serious character, we would beg him to reflect, seriously. He
alludes, apparently, to all the amusements above-enumerated as "low vulgarities." We
presume that he at any rate thinks Punch and Judy vulgar. That is a hard word. Let

him say, "popular" instead, and consider how fine a thing for the nation is the popularity Because I mean to hold

of Punch and Judy. There can be no doubt that the energy and perseverance of the British -m u uu"e™eath m^ thumb,

race are largely owing to the lessons which are beaten into their infant heads by the all- My ears will quite devour

conquering cudgel of Punch, and that, his reckless atrocities inspire youth with daringness, *our shrift,; tor that s the food

and blunt those too delicate sensibilities which constitute a spooney. We are afraid Mr. Whereon thrives priestly power :

Chamberlain, when he was a little boy, did not see enough of Punch and Judy. I hope 1 don t intrude.

CALENDAR FOR THE NEXT WEEK.

By Our Mesmeric Prophet, who, with half an eye, can always see into the middle of it

THE ART OP NOT QUARRELLING.

M

Tu
W

Sept.

6

Sensible Husband. " How is it we never quarrel, Mrs. Xantippe ?
Well, 1 will tell you. You see, for a quarrel, and especially a good
a Member of Parliament, who is never listened to in the House, goes | quarrel, it is necessary to have two parties. One person can't make a

down to his Constituents, and lectures them most cruelly (on the , 1 tvt t t • 1 1 „ j 1___l ^ t ~__

principle of one bad return deserving another) in a long-winded ! quarrel. Now, if I am m a quarrelsome humour, and break out, my
speech of at least three columns long. wile remains cool and collected, and doesn t say a word. It my wite is

Rumour of another Reform Bill under the process of incubation— peevish, and displays more temper than is becoming to one of her

beautiful sex, I, her husband, remain as unmoved as the monument, or
else cheat myself into the belief that I am listening for the moment to
one of Grisi's heavenly songs. Tbis, whilst one party is volcanically
fuming, the other is as calm as a cold potato. In all our quarrels,
there is in this way always a controlling power. Seriously, we never
quarrel, because there is a philosophic compact between us never to
quarrel together. We only quarrel one at a time ; and it is astonishing,

making about the fifteenth the House will have to sit upon next
Session.

A British Traveller, upon being charged in his hotel bill with a pair
of wax-candles, insists upon taking them away with him, making
in all fifteen pounds of wax caudles that he has collected during a
journey of seven weeks.
Til 9 The annual discussion as to the authorship of the Letters of Junius
takes place in the literary journals.
F 10 | An ''Extraordinary Cabbage," is accurately weighed to the quarter

tomer8Uonfd» TrLZlfv^L^ "aShower ot " to the cus"! if you leave a" quarrel"alone,' how very soon' it dies " out I Thatys

li

tomers of a Provincial Paper. " ,«u MIo « uuanu ™, ™» .^j »x^o

a RaiUay Meeting of rather a tempestuous character takes place, at; our secret, Madam, and I should advise you, and ail Xantippes, to

which want of confidence is expressed in the Chairman, the Direc
tors, the Secretary, the officials, the porters, the safety of the line,
the soundness of the boilers ; in fact, every one is dissatisfied with
everything and everybody. Several compliments are exchanged
between the Chair and the Shareholders, and a general tumult, and
miscellaneous combat only prevented by the interference of the
Police. The result of " No Dividend" pleases nobody.
a lady of colossal fashion, who follows leg Modes de Paris as fast as the
unwieldy size of her Crinoline will allow tier, caunot get through
the turnstile of the Zoological Gardens, on account of the voluminous-
ness of her dress. The Sabbatarians knowingly aver that "it
serves her right," for wickedly presuming to go to such a place on
the Sunday.

Benefit of Clergy.

The conduct of Gresley & Co., and the other reverend gents who
are trying to introduce the Confessional into the English Church, has
been palliated by a kmdly and tolerant buffoon on the ground of being
a clerical error.

follow it

HUMANITY ON HORSEBACK.

Some people will ride a hobby to death. Unfortunately there are
some cases in which the hobby is a real horse. The subjoined
paragraph, from the Manchester Examiner records one of them :—

" Pont Match against Time for £10.—On Saturday last, a pony, the property
of a Mr. Harrison, of this city, started from the Old Boar's Head, Withy GroTe,
at 4 10 a.m. to go to Liverpool and back i t eleven hours, which feat was accom-
plished in ten hours and twenty minutes. Upon the completion of the task it was
found necessary to place the pony under the care of a veterinary surgeon. The
pony, however, died at six o'clock on Sunday morning."

Does the law against cruelty to animals not extend to Lancashire ?
Perhaps the demands of humanity may be considered to be sufficiently
answered by the Pactories Act, intended tc prevent children from
being killed by overwork.