Punch (35.1858)

October 2, 1858.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

135

proved always unavailing, and even at the last the earth-hunger never
left him.

Still less in his social than his mercantile relations do we find the
deceased worthy to be held in good repute. Cringing to superiors, his
treatment of dependents was tyrannous and harsh. In the selfishness of
a monopolist, he cared for no one else ; his own countrymen were pro- j
nibited from setting foot on his estates; and he pushed the law of tres- j

Eass to such rigorous extent, that to come upon his property, without j
is leave and licence, was made, by Act of Parliament, a crime and
misdemeanour, punishable by fine, confiscation, and imprisonment.
In spite, however, of his harsh and arbitrary despotism, our doubts if
he was ever really feared by his dependents are sanctioned by the
fact, that they thought him an old woman, and could never be brought
to show any feeling of respect for what they held up to derision as a
petticoat sort of government.

Nor, while we thus regard him as a thoroughly bad landlord, can
we admit that his behaviour was much better as a master. His
conduct to his servants was capricious in the extreme. He either
bullied them or petted them beyond the limits of endurance. He over-
paid his overseers, and let them pilfer as they pleased; and, in fact, he
did his best to spoil all in his Service. But, although profusely liberal
and careless as a rule, he showed to them at times a niggardly close-
fistedness. In proof of this, we need not mention the bequest which
he made at the last gasp to a man of his, named Mill, who had
served him with great faithfulness, and had grown old in his service.
The post which Mill had occupied was that of a night-watcher;
and it would be difficult to name a fitter person for the place. Some
notion may be formed of the meanness which occasionally distinguished
the deceased, when we state that a legacy of £500 was the paltry
sum he left in recognition of Mill's service.

It remains but to add, that the deceased died possessed of a consider-
able property, consisting both of real and of personal estate. In
gracious compliance with a national request, Her Majesty has con-
sented to act as sole trustee; and it is, therefore, in the Queen's
name the effects will be administered. There is no doubt that the
property will be better managed henceforth than it ever yet has been;
and we may hope that it will soon be cleared of all encumbrance.
There is, we think, great cause for gratulation in the change, although
it may be urged that it is merely nominal. Our loyalty, of course,
obliges us to own that, whatever were his merits, the deceased, upon
the whole, did not bear so good a name as to be compared for one half
second with the Royal one. In paying our last tribute to the
Honourable John, we must own we think his room far better than
his Company; and we trust that it may never come within our
province to have to write the word " Resurgam " on his tombstone.

THE GROWTH OF LONDON.

Baron Dupin estimates, "if the population of London keeps on
-growing at its present ratio, that, in 1901 it will be 5,816,900." Might
we ask the Baron if he has taken the Thames into his calculation ?
Does that " noble river " in 1901 remain as it is ? or is it to be sweet-
ened ? or is it to be taken away altogether ? These different views
put quite a different aspect on the Baron's peep into 1901; for it
stands to reason that 5,816,900 human beings could not possibly live,
with a pestiferous river, such as the Thames now is, running right
through them. And allow the Thames to pursue unchecked its present
| course of pollution, it is doubtful whether there will be any population
at all in our savoury Metropolis. All the inhabitants will have died
off, or else have run away. However, these speculations are all

fremature. Better to wait patiently, and see what does occur in
901. One thing is very certain, if there are then to be upwards of five
million inhabitants, that some limit will have to be put to the women's
Crinolines.

Where Miracles Grow Best.

French miracles sprout most prolifically in obscure towns. Like
mushrooms, darkness is favourable to their growth. Not a single
miracle, we notice, has been gathered in Paris. You can pick them
up by dozens in the South, and everywhere but in the so-supposed
centre of civilisation. Perhaps, civilisation would expose the trick,
and therefore the priests cultivate the provinces and the departments,
1 iddng care that the province they select shall be one of imposition on
the largest scale, and giving the preference always for their operations
to the largest department of ignorance.

a friend to one's back.

First Traveller. How quick you have been in packing up ?

Second Ditto. Why, you see I am helped on wonderfully by the fact
cf my coats being Alpacas.*

* We suppose the contributor who has had tee atrocity to send us the above,
means all-packers *

MISSING, A YICE CHANCELLOR,

Oh where, and oh where, is my Johnny Stuart gone X
Oh where, and oh where, is my Johnny Stuart gone ?
He's so often in the clouds when there's business to be done
That it's little we need wonder if off to Skye he's flown.

Oh why, and oh why, is my Johnny Stuart paid?

Oh why, and oh why, is my Johnny Stuart paid?

'Tis for keeping upon tenter-hooks poor clients, I'm afraid,

While the Salmon and the Trout on his artful line are played.

Oh where, and oh where, should my Johnny Stuart be ?

Oh where, and oh where, should my Johnny Stuart be ?

In Lincoln's Inn at Chambers, in a suit of Chancerie,

Not a suit of heather-mixture, bringing down the grouse so free.

Oh where, and oh where, does my Johnny Stuart shine ?
Oh where, and oh where, does my Johnny Stuart shine P
Less in winding up a suit than in running out a line,
" Spare the rod and spoil the client," is his motto, I opine.

Oh what, and oh what, will bring Johnny Stuart back ?

Oh what, and oh what, will bring Johnny stuart^back ?

A wigging from the Chanc'llor, and if Lord Chelmsford's slack,

A leader in the Times will do it in a crack.

A REAL GHOST COMING.

There is no mistake about it this time. A Ghost is coming, and
has been good enough to announce in the pages of the Athenaum the
time of his apparition:—

pOINS, MEDALS, BKONZES, NUMISMATIC BOOKS, &c—Mr.
^ SttORT, of London, Coin-dealer since 1838, begs to state that, owing- to the decease
of Me. HEALTON, he will RETURN from ITALY yery early in October.

Why it is inconvenient to the deceased gentleman to remain in Italy,
is not stated—perhaps he is a Protestant ghost, and dislikes the
religious [observances of a Catholic country—but at all events he is
coming, and the lovers of the supernatural had best look out.

Health of the Prime Minister.

There is no truth in the report that the Premier is labouring
under an organic disease. That ridiculous rumour originated from an
atrocious pun which was made by a ribald jester on hearing a serious
person, under the impression that Lord Derby had not left the Turf,
express a fear that the heart of the noble Earl was hardened. Where-
upon the incorrigible buffoon remarked that, in consequence of having
been so lonsr in the stable, no doubt the Earl or Derby's heart had
become ossitied.