Punch (35.1858)

152

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[Octobek y, 1858.

of the very earliest English with the very latest builder's contract. It
stands in a small garden, in which I did not notice any botanical
rarity, and the day being evidently that devoted by the family to the
purification of its underclothing, the rural appearance of the mclosure
was subordinated to that of domestic assiduity. There was no affec-
tation of concealment that the circumstances of the household were not
affluent, and I noticed that the spherical portion of a pair of mas-
culine nether habiliments bore signs of having been patched.
Hastily observing these points I entered the house, and had no difficulty
in instantly recognising the boy of whom I was in search. He was
peeling potatoes and occasionally giving a lesser brother a clout on
the head, when the latter presumed to suck the peelings thrown aside
by his elder.

"Who swallowed the eel?" I said playfully, wishing to ingratiate
myself into the boy's confidence.

I regret to state, that his reply was not of a character which it is
usual or desirable to commit to print.

"Is that the way to answer the gentleman?" said his mother, who
still retained the rosy cheek and pleasant smile that had adorned Miss
Mutty.

" Don't see as it's any business of his'n," remarked the lad.

" That may be so," said his mother; " but civility is the business of
everybody, Charley."

"You are right, my dearest Mamma," said the boy, springing to his
feet and disarming me with a pleasant but respectful smile. "It was
I, good gentleman, who swallowed the eel, and it was also I who
brought it up. Disregarding the advice of my dear parent, I dipped
my little pannikin (it is here, Sir, inscribed For a Good Bop ; O, Sir,
that I might deserve that name!) into a pond in the next field, and

drank the water in haste. I instantly felt a wriggling within, and ft
occupied my beloved mother's cares for five minutes, and several cups
of warm water, to induce the animal I had swallowed to return to
light."

" It all took place in one day ? " I demanded.

" In five minutes, dear Sir, or perhaps seven, as I had to run from
yonder corner."

" And where is the eel, my young friend?"

" It is here, Sir; and 1 have much pleasure in showing it to you,
and in testifying my gratitude to Providence for having thus protected
me."

He took down a little cup from the mantel-piece. The cup was
lettered, A Present from Henley-on-Thames. The letters were in gold.
There was water in the cup. The eel was in the water. I took it out
and measured it. It was exactly an inch and three-eighths in length.
I replaced it.

" Have you had any visitors here lately, Mrs. Wobbles ? " I said.

" Nobody to speak of, Sir. The only stranger has been Mr. Gobu
Mooshe, the Editor of the Durbiton newspaper, who happened to call
about a week ago."

||He saw the eel, eh?"

"Yes, Sir; and in his joking way he made a picture of Charley,
and of his father with the eel. Here it is, Sir."
" Will you take twenty guineas for it ?•"

" With pleasure, Sir: thirty, if you prefer it," said she, thinking 1
was jesting.

"I do prefer it—thirty it shall be." I laid the money on the table,
tipped Charley with a crown, and hastened back to town to report
myself to you. Here is the picture.

The Libellers of the Pair Sex.

Men do not libel women one half as much as women do. Here is a
proof of it:—

Bosom Friend. Do you mean to tell me that she never fainted ?

Intimate Acquaintance. No—never tried even! and there never was
so good an opportunity !

Bosom Friend {triumphantly). Then she's reserving herself. You
may be sure she has some other faint in view !

Heal March of Intellect.

Mr. Punch says, that there can be no doubt of the ultimate success
ot the American or even Australian Telegraph, when he reflects that
by means ot a small Wire, intelligence will actually be brought, at no
distant date, into the Mansion House

After the inauguration of the statue of Sir Isaac Newton,
at Grantham, an elegant banquet was given. An eminent and epicurean
wit was seated opposite to a beautifully glazed ham. Conversation
arose upon the almost perfect character of Newton, and it was
pleasingly remarked, that intellect without virtue could not produce
happiness. At this moment Lord Brougham asked for a piece of the
glazed ham. The wit, answering with one speech the moraliser and
the nobleman, quoted,

If parts allure thee, see how bacon shined."—Pope.
—From Punch's Literary Anecdotes.

Woman's Constant Torment.—Dust.

Man's Greatest Plague.—A Woman continually brushing the
same.