Punch (35.1858)

November 13, 1858.J PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 199

THE STATE OF THE LAW UPON THE STAGE.

"Dear Punch, In these days of
law reform, attention ought
to be directed to the state of
the law upon the stage; for it
is difficult to say wnere a
wider field for the exertion of
legal talent could be found ;
and the importance of the sub-
ject in an educational point of
view becomes manifest, when
we consider that students pro-
bably pick up as much law at
the theatre of a night, as they
do in their chambers during
the day. How sad it is, in
the play of Extremes at the
Lyceum, to find the existence
of the Statutes of Mortmain totally ignored, and that portion of
old Hawthorn's will, which gives over not only his money but his
lands to found a charity in the event of young Hawthorn and
Miss Vavasour refusing to marry one another, treated by the stage
lawyer as entirely valid. Imagine a student observing the piece
entitled Make your Wills announced at the Haymarket Theatre, and
resolving to go and see it with a view of combining instruction with
amusement. What disastrous results might ensue from the circum-
stance that a legatee is made an attesting witness to the will in that
piece ? Did ever Sheriff's officer retire so easily as Mr. Isaacs does in
the last scene of London Assurance, on the bare promise of Miss Hark-
away, that she will pay the debt for which Charles Courtley is arrested ?
Indeed, the law of arrest, distress, and executions against goods on
the stage requires much reform.

" Again, take the law of evidence, a single sheet of parchment,
occasionally it may be brown paper, proves incontestably and imme-
diately the title to estates of immense value. A locket hung round
the neck by the loosest and thinnest piece of string is proof positive
of the identity of the young lady of-twenty summers with the infant
of six months. As regards personal identity, think of Box and Cox.
'Have you a strawberry mark on your left arm?' 'No.' 'Then
you are my long-lost brother.' But it is useless to multiply instances.
The importance of this subject must be recognised when attention is
called to it, and I trust the Lord Chamberlain will henceforth have the
assistance of a revising barrister in perusing and setting right the
plays he is required to license. Between yon and me I should not
mind holding the appointment with a good salary.

" I am, dear Punch, yours truly,

" A. Briefless."

EXORCISM IN WESTMINSTER.

Mr. Pcnch presents his respectful compliments to Miss Adeline
M. Cooper, Honorary Secretary to the Committee of the "One Tun"
Bagged Schools, just opened in the "Devil's Acre," Westminster
Abbey, and begs to say how sorry he is that an accident which hap-
pened to her kind invitation to attend their opening, prevented him
from receiving it till some days after the festival. It would have
greatly delighted him to see the children drink their tea, and eat their
cake, which was doubtless an extraordinary substance to them, and a
new pleasure—if they had ever enjoyed any eatable thing before. He
would have, perhaps, been gratified by hearing the remarks with which
Joseph Payne, Esq., and other Priends had kindly promised to
address the meeting; especially if the Priends belonged to the Society
of worthy persons so called, whose costume and phraseology divert
Mr. Punch, and exhilarate him.

Mr. Punch would also have much liked to inspect that antique
public-house, the "One Tun," for the last two centuries a den of
thieves, and now in course of conversion, by the aid of charitable sub-
scribers, into an institution for nipping thieves, as it were, in the bud,
by educating street-boys. The settlement which Miss Cooper and
her benevolent friends have thus effected on the "Devil's Acre," will,
it may be hoped, lead to the ultimate and perhaps the speedy recon-
quest of the whole territory, and its appropriation from the devil, who
has occupied it for so long a time, in spite, if not with the concurrence,
of the neighbouring Dean and Chapter. To dispossess the place of the
devil, however, money is required for building and other expenses
incidental to the necessary operations. The cost will be £400. Of
this sum all has been raised but £35. Who will give £35 to expel the
devil from the vicinity of Westminster Abbey ? The Marquis of the
district has contributed £50, the Archbishop over the Biver £5, the
Earl of Shaftesbury ditto, the Lord Mayor ditto, Sir Culling
Eardley ditto, and Baron Lionel de Bothschild ditto, to humanise
the little savages of Westminster. Mr. Punch is glad to hear from

Miss Cooper that all denominations have kindly helped her unsec-
tariau ragged_school. It is the most sensible thing that he has heard
of all denominations for a long time, and he hopes that they will
by-and-by combine against the devil to oust him from a wider field
than the Acre in Westminster, on which he has been dancing these
two hundred years, and has stamped his name.

ODE TO M. JULLIEN.

And must you leave us, Jullien ? must we wande.

Through life's hard pathways tuneless aud alone,
Whilst you are gone your magic notes to squander

'Midst savages in regions little known ?

What shall we have to cheer us when November
Oppresses us with fogs and spleen galore,

Whilst you are playing tunes we well remember,
On Timbuctoo's inhospitable shore ?

Sure we shall cut most melancholy figures
When in your Concert-room in far Penang,

Fair Jetty Treffz is singing to the niggers
The songs that once in Drury Lane she sang,

And will you go as far as Madagascar,

And take the Trovatore even there;
And will each pigtailed Chinaman and Lascar,

Think you, for Verdi's Miserere care ?

And do you think the notes of great Beethoven
Will feast the soul of greasy Quashyboo ?

Take care he doesn't pop you in an oven,
And make another kind of feast on you.

Why have you taken up these strange vagaries
Of wandering off to foreign parts abroad ;

Of visitirg Azores and Canaries,
And leaving us by whom you are adored ?

If, as we hope, your scheme is only puffing,

Be warned, dear Mons, your Punch sincerely begs,

By him who over-greedy for the stuffing,
Destroyed the goose that laid the golden eggs.

IMPENITENCE IN AN ALDERMAN.
We read in Mr. Bright's organ that

" Oa Tuesday Evening, a crowded Public Meeting of Electors w-as held at the
Queen's Arms Tavern, Pluinstead, to hear an adaress from Mr. Alderman Salo-
mons, as a candidate for the representation of the Borough, of Greenwich."

The worthy Hebrew's speech was, up to a certain point, highly
satisfactory. But he came on, at last, to the question upon which
Mr. Punch felt it his duty to reprimand Mr. Salomons the other day,
namely, the case of Lieutenant Higginson. Into this the Alderman
entered at considerable length, concluding with the words (we quote
Mr. Bright's organ again)—

" These are the facts ; and, although some of the Newspapers have accused me of
being flippant, and Punch has given me an admonition, I consider that the course
I adopted was entirely justifiable."

We are sorry for this impenitence on the part of the Alderman,
and shall probably ourselves convene a meeting of the electors of
Greenwich to consider this question :—

" Is a Candidate who, in his capacity of judge, shows a reverence
for rich men which he would not show to poor ones, precisely the
Party to represent a popular Constituency ? "

Salomons—apologise, or abscond. 43

Change for Crinoline.

Hurray for the Bights of Women! They are progressing, as the
Americans say. What do you think of this—from Le Follet; Pashions
for November ?

" Those made this autumn of plaid plush are really elegant and convenient, plush
being both light and warm."

Those what ? Never mind. But if you really want to know, see
Le Follet itself: a journal which will repay perusal by a male reader
with amusement—by a female with information.

Household Words, Everywhere, and all day lokg.—" Lift
up—you're on my dress."