Punch (37.1859)

July 9, 1859.]

13

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

CRUEL JOKE AT A FETE.

Horrid Boy [to Us Cousin). “ I say, Rose ! Wasn’t that Major De Verb who just left you ? ”

Bose. “ Yes ! ”

Horrid Boy. “Ait, then, I think he might as well have told you what a tremendous Bi ack Smudge you’ve got on
your Nose ! ” [N.B. Of course there is no smudge ; but there’s no looking-glass within miles for poor Bose to satisfy herself.

•

THE FOREIGN OFFICE SPELLING-BOOK.

[As Lord Malmesbury would have it.)

We understand that on his taking his departure from the Foreign
Office, Lord Malmesbury presented to the clerks, by way of souvenir,
the very graceful and appropriate gift of a new Spelling-book, which
his Lordship had himself been compiling for their use. His Lordship
having lately given vent to the opinion that what is called Orthography
is no test of education, that spelling is at best a most “capricious
science,” and that the fashions of it alter as often as new bonnets, his
Lordship’s Spelling-book will be perused with no small interest, as
embodying his somewhat peculiar ideas. Some notion may be formed
of the scope and style of the great work from the following excerpta
from its concluding pages, which are devoted to a series of questions
to _ the student, founded on the rules before propounded for his
guidance:—

“ In spelling the word ‘ Kollonies ’ do you generally begin with a
‘ C ’ or with a ‘ K,’ and do you prefer using three l’s, two, or one F

“ How is the word ‘ Goverment ’ usually spelt now, and in how
many distinct ways can you remember to have seen it spelt?

“ What do the three letters ‘C,’ ‘A,’ and ‘T’ stand for? and can
you suggest any variation in the spelling ?

“ How does Mavor spell ‘ beleive,’ with the e first or the i ? YVhich
do you prefer yourself, and state your reasons for your preference ?

“ In what number of wrong ways can you write the phrase ‘ in toetal
vialation of our treatise.’ Mention, if you can, a Foreign Office prece-
dent for the use of each.

“ In speaking of an author, would you call him a ‘littery’ or ‘litte-
rary’ person? Which is the best way of spelling the word ‘artikle ;’
and which do you write oft enest, ‘ nuespaper ’ or ‘ noospaper ? ’

“ Do you incline at all to the phonetic way of spelling ? If so, and

you write your words as you pronounce them, would you, as a fashion-
able man, write the word ‘ orwewy ’ with two rs or with three ?

“ When you invite a man to dine with you, do you terminate the
word ‘dinnaw’ with aw, or er? And do you like to put one n or

two n s in the middle ?

“ In the course of your experience in a Foreign Office clerkship, have
you ever come across a Governmental document, in any part of which
you could pick out six words following, spelt as any spelling-book or
dictionary spells them ?

“ Can you write ‘a blind pig’ with the use of but two letters? If
not, state your reasons for believing it impracticable.

“How is the word ‘Erthkwake’ written in your office ? And do
you recollect ever seeing it spelt ‘ Earthquake ? ’

“ Do you know how Dr. Johnson spells the word ‘ orthogggraphy ? ’
Mention your authorities for using the three g s.

“ ‘ At the deling of these presence.’ Is this phrase_ correctly spelt ?
and, if you think not, how would you proceed to alter it ?

“ When writing a letter on the third day of the week, clo you in
general head the sheet with ‘Twosday,’ or with ‘Toosday ?’ State
which of these you think is most correct, and which word of the two
you, in your own mind, fancy looks best.

“ If you were in a hurry, and had to write the word ‘inalienable,’
how would you contrive to render it intelligible ?

“How does Walker spell the words ‘shuting,’ ‘wip.
cart ? ’ and in what way do you yourself prefer to spell them ?

“ With how many wrong letters could you write the word ‘ kauphy,’
if you gave your mind to it ?

'“Does Johnson spell ‘Jography’ with a ‘G’ first or a ‘J?’

“ ‘ Obstreperous ’ or ‘ Obstropolous ? ’ YVhich of these is commonly
adopted in the Foreign Office, and which do you consider the most
gentlemanly spelling ?

“ Did you ever write the word ‘ Yatch ’ right at the first shot;
and have you never in despair been reduced to write it ‘yot ? ’ ”

and ‘dawg