Punch: Punch (54.1868)

February 15, 186S.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

73

VALENTINE’S DAY.

Mr. Punch has received
his first instalment of Valentines
from the young ladies at Mr.
Rimmel’s. The Valentines are
as pretty as their donors, and so
odorous, that Mr. Punch
claimed, “ Ah! Yes !

‘ Sweetness from the sweet.’ ”

The Most Popular Saint in
the Calendar.—Evidently Saint
Valentine. Even in this Protes-
tant Empire, it seems, he had as
many as 1,199,142 worshippers
on last 14th of February!

INARTICULATE INFORMATION.

It is highly requisite that the Directors of the Underground Railway
should cause those servants of theirs whose duty it is to call out the
names of the stations to be taught to speak intelligibly. The eye often
misses the station’s name as the train passes it. You hear a fellow
shouting “ Oosh ! ’Ooosh ! ” for example, or “ N’il! N’il!” What
can you make out of Nil, but nothing; and what more can you under -
stand from ’Oosh? He means “Shepherd’s Bush,” and “ Notting
Hill.” It would be good of Mr. Macrea dy to come out of his retire-
ment and give those inarticulate railway men lessons on elocution.

Whilst on this subject we may also observe that the conductors of
certain omnibuses are in the habit of uttering a cry which may some-
times occasion gross misapprehension. As they go, or halt, on their
journey westward, they keep continually calling out “ Emma Smith!
Emma Smith ! ” Who is Emma Smith ? a country gentleman might
ask. They are supposed to mean Hammersmith.

EPIGRAM

In reply to an application to subscribe to the proposed testimonial
to Dr. Jelf of King’s College :—

Who was it raised a holy shout,

And all for conscience sake, no doubt,

Turned dear Professor Maurice out ?

My Jelf!

Who is it that has only jibe
And scorn for all the Bigot-tribe,

And to this fund will not subscribe ?

My self!

As Active as Ever.

A writer in a Neapolitan newspaper begins an account of the
eruption of Mount Vesuvius with the remark, that “ Vesuvius has
been said on several occasions to be dying out; if so it must be con-
fessed that it dies very hard.” He might have said even more than
that. Vesuvius exhibits nothing of the exhaustion which denotes old
age; but on the contrary, remains apparently actuated by all its youthful
fire.

a proverb and a peer.

Is noblesse oblige counted a rule to judge Peers by ?

Not a word about that to Lord Willoughby d’Eresby !

“HAT AND SWORD.”

The Hat and Ssrord presented in old times to Monarchs who suc-
cessfully defended the Papacy will not be given this year to the
Emperor Napoleon. We are sorry to hear this, as at the forthcoming
theatricals at the Tuileries there was to have been an adaptation from
MM. Meilhac and Halevy’s La Grande Duchesse, set to the now
well known music by M. Offenbach. Cardinal Bonnechose (in
for a good thing) would have played the donor of the venerable weapon,
while that versatile actor, Louis, would have filled the role of Corporal,
then General, Fritz.

The couplets were arranged to run as in the Opera. The Cardinal,
to address the Eldest Son of the Church, commencing with,

Voici le sabre de ton Pere,

Tu vas le mettre a ton cote :

Apres la victoire, j’espere,

Te revoir en bonne sante :

Car si tu mourais a la guerre
Ton Papa a peur, en verite,

De n’avoir plus jamais sur terre
Un moment de lelicite.

After which a slight extract from Mr. Sullivan’s Contrabandisia,
(libretto by a very excellent young jingler,) sung by the Emperor.

Louis (chantant). Hail to the Sacred Hat,

’Tis my Papa sends that,

’Neath it some chiefs have sat,

Vive Pio Nono.

Whenever this pretty little piece is produced, there is a Corre-
spondent in Paris who will tell you all about it, and what a diplomat
said to him on the subject, what was, also, the opinion of the lovely
Countess de * * *, and why he was obliged to cut VImperatrice on
this occasion, all in large print, for the small sum of one penny.

LAW NEWS IN LITTLE.

“ From this bench I shall bolt,”
Says the Lord Justice Rolt.

“ I’m deaf to the charmer,”

Says Sir Book-of-Praise Palmer.
“Then the place I may well win,”
Says Solicitor Selwyn.

“ And yours I shall get,”

Says the Helston man, Brett.

“ If you get re-elected,”

Says-, dejected.

{The Profession will fill up this blank.)

A Fiddle in Danger,

Suppose that Mr. Punch had a daughter, who was (as such a being’s
daughter would be likely to be) a splendid musician, and who sang in
public. Suppose, that an Irish fiddler wrote to Mr. Punch and said,
“ If you will give me a good notice of my fiddling, I will engage Miss
Punch for my London Concerts.” What do you think, dear musical
and critical friends, that Mr. Punch would do ? Don’t you think that
he would act in the spirit of Valentine when he comes upon the
musical Faust—only with better luck? Well, you shall see what you
shall see.

Inquire Within.

{Friday, February 7th.)

Oh, give me back my Arab steed, ’

My pet! I ’ve never beaten him.

A voice comes from the Langham: “We’d
With pleasure, but we’ve eaten him.”

Long Odds.—Tall Husband and Short Wife.

Ignorance of the Upper Classes.

“A Reader of the Blue Book” is informed that the letters P. C.
after the names of such distinguished personages as Lord Derby,
Mr. Disraeli, Mr. Gladstone, &c., do not mean Police Constable,
but Privy Councillor. The same benighted inquirer should also know
that “ Ibid.” was never the name of a newspaper, although he (or
she?), as he (or she?) says, may have frequently seen it at the end «£
puffs.

Puzzling Epitaph on a successful Race-Horse.—Often flogged,
but never beaten.

Vol. 54.