Punch: Punch (81.1881)

40

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEL

[July 30, 1881.

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM

THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

G. M. B-rne h. Gl-dst-ne. A. M. S-ll-v-n. T. P. O'C-nn-r. Sir H. J-m-s. H. L-b-ch-re. G. 0. M-rg-n. J. Ch-mb-rl-u.

or J. L-hy. Just-n McC-rthy. F. H. O'D-nn-U. H. F-wc-tt.

MORE "FORMS OF THE HOUSE."

{By Electric Light.)

Monday, July 18.—T. P. O'Connor improves as the weather I All this very hard on Mr. Chaplin, who is understood at New-
grows hotter. To-night, after a preliminary shout at question time, ' market to be one of the chief orators of the House—one who might
has a tling at Her Majesty's Judges. "Thinks," he says, "time has \ any day step into the shoes of Mr. Gladstone. Of course there is a
come for him to tell the House what he thinks of those ermined ■ dithculty about Mr. Chaplin leading Liberals. But this little dis-
partisans." j tinction not clearly visible from the Heath. Lord Rosebeey tells me

"Curious," says Sir William Haecottrt, "what antipathy a that there is always a flutter among the jockeys, whether at New-
certain class of people have for a judge. If they 're in the dock they market or Epsom, when the stately figure of the Member for Mid-
throw their boots at him; out of it (and in a safe place) they howl Lincolnshire is observed. Also there is much shaking of the head
at him." and melancholy foreboding in the Ring.

Pity, I say, that a young fellow like this should throw away his "He '11 be a blooming Premier some day," the jockeys say to each
chance of becoming a respectable mediocrity. j other as they turn to watch him. " He '11 never care for 'orses any

" Yah, young innocent!" says Mr. Beiggs, who rather imposes on more. He's one of them gents as might be anythink. He might be
the accidental circumstance that he was in the House a Session j Admiral of the Pleet, or he might turn out the Look of Cambeldge.
before me. He is always coming to me reciting nursery rhymes, to j He comes amongst us cos it's gentlemanly. But he '11 be a blooming
improve my mind, as he says. But let Beiggs beware. I never ' Prime Minister, and will turn up his nose at sport."
condebcend to that sort of thing myself; but I have a friend at | All this of course I hear at secondhand, and it makes a pretty
Chelsea who knows how to select the softest part of a human calf, ] picture to think of Mr. Chaplin carelessly walking about the Heath
and to mutter between clenched teeth uJ'y suis etfy reste,v This, or watching the horses at Epsom or Doncaster, and all these eyes,

by the way

"Yah, young innocent! T. P., is not such a fool as he looks. He's
going to the iStates to lecture in the autumn, and he knows that
there could be no better advertisement than a little bullying of the
House of Commons."

What's he going to lecture on ? Good manners ? " said Walter
James.

"No, Bashfulness."
% I wonder now if this is true. T. P.'s growth in rowdyism cer-
tainly seems to want some explanation, and a man must want a big
price to purchase such a character as this. It's not nice, and it's
not clever. Any costermonger could do it better, and would come
cheaper. As Sir Wilfrid Lawson says, " T. P. O'Connor shouts
at Eoestee as if the Chief Secretary had led him to believe that he
was going to buy all the carrots in his barrow, and had finally
announced that he didn't want any."

Business done.—Got on with the Land Bill up to Clause 46.

Tuesday.—Glad to see Mr. Chaplin get a regular ovation to-day
from the Ministerialists. They are, as a rule, a little hard on him.
When he pipes, with whatever melancholy air, they refuse to dance.
He prophesies unutterable things, and they laugh. He treats them
to a coruscation of perorations, and still they are not happy. To-
night, when he rose at the appropriate hour of midnight, with his
suit of sables showing under the mockery of his summer dress,
there was the accustomed groan of despair.

"Jeremiah with afresh chapter of Lamentations," said Mr.
Woodall, his customarily cheerful countenance growing suddenly
saddened.

But the anticipatory moan was changed to a shout of triumph,
when Mr. Chaplin, in solemn tones, and with depressed manner,
said, "I will raise my protest once for all! " At the prospect here
presented, the spirits of the House went up, much after the manner
of the thermometer in recent times. Speaking metaphorically, it
may be said that they stood at 96 in the shade. Exhilaration only
temporary. Presently discovered that this was only a figure of
speech.

" He's like that confounded raven on the pallid bust of Pallas that
went croaking 'Nevermore!' through I don't knowhowmany verses,"
said Mr. Chamberlain. "His 4 once for all' will certainly last till
the end of the Session."

full of sad forebodings, turned upon his unconscious figure. But I
fancy Lord Hartlngton must be speaking metaphorically when he
says the jockeys bring themselves down to weight by simply lying in
bed at night thinking of the inevitable separation.
Business done.—Last Clause of Land Bill reached.

Wednesday.—House begins to understand the meaning of Mr.
Gladstone's recent visits to the Durdans. He spent the Whitsun
holiday's there, and on another occasion found the peace of the Sab-
bath-day by the deserted Downs. This happened some weeks ago,
and hitherto no trace discovered of results of his new studies. But
to-day he comes forward and, slapping the despatch-box, offers to
" lay 10 to 1 " on Lawson against Rathbone.

" A good start for a young 'un," Mr. Chaplin says, looking with
generous sympathy on the novice entering on a pathway which he
himself is about to quit. "He'll be setting up an umbrella and a
large hat next, and.with a money-bag with ' W. E. G.' stamped on it
will do a good business at Epsom."

Mr. Walton has his doubts on the question of law. The House
of Commons is not licensed for betting purposes, and even the high
station of the Premier does not put him above the law.

"8 & 9 Vict. c. 109," Mr. Warton explains to Mr. Whitley,
" makes it penal for any person betting in any street, road, high-
way, or other open public place. Such person would be deemed a
rogue and a vagabond, and fined, or imprisoned. Now this is an open
and public place, and here's Gladstone trying to lure Noeihcote
into a bet by offering him large odds. Why should he get off when
a poor man would be fined ? 1 '11 give notice of a question." And
Mr. Warton, snuffing violently, goes off to write it out.

Business done.—Clean through Land Bill in Committee, except
new Clauses.

Friday.—-Quite interesting to watch the greetings of Sir Wil-
liam Harcourt and Mr. Eorstee through successive evenings on the
Treasury Bench. Young Heebeet Gladstone, who sits_ imme-
diately behind them, tells me he hears them softly singing the
little hymn from Dr. Watts, beginning—

"And are we still alive,
And see each other's face P "

It must be a dreadful thing to have correspondence of the kind ad-
dressed to those eminent men. On the whole, Popster's comes a little