Punch: Punch (81.1881)

226 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 12, 1881.

THE NINETEENTH
CENTURY.

Brown. I say, Jones, what
do you take to be the greatest
point of the Nineteenth Cen-
tury ? What, as a rule, do
we refer to with most pride ?
_ Jones. Why, our Civilisa-
tion, of course. Take any
magazine, read any leading
article.

Brown. I suppose so. And
how would you define Civili-
sation ?

Jones. Spread of refinement,
increase of humanity, less
narrow-minded views than
those held by our forefathers :
that's what you '11 read in any
magazine or leading article.

Brown. Have you seen this
in _ the paper?—" Special
trains are being run to Maid-
stone ? "

Jones. No, I had not.
What's up there ? A Flower
Show, a capital thing for
spreading refinement ; or a
Poor Children's Day in the
Country, an admirable system
for increasing humanity P

Brown. Neither. These
Special Trains are chartered
by sightseers, just as if to a
Garden Party or a Flower
Show, in the hopes of seeing a
poor wretched devil of a young
man done to death !

Jones. Ah !

Brown. Ah ! And what be-
comes of the Civilisation of
the Nineteenth Century ?

Jones. Oh, bother ! Let
our descendants find out our
faults, not us. Do you think
that Lefeot—(fyc. of course. )

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 57.

THE NEW LORD MAYOR

or, ellis in wonderland.

THE WAY THEY DOWSE
IT IN IRELAND.

The following remarkable
statement is made by the
Dublin Correspondent of the
Times:—

" A very violent prisoner named
Dillon, a ticket-of-leave man,
was sentenced to-day to fourteen
years' penal servitude, for robbery
with violence by Mr. Baron
Dowse."

The italics are ours, but the
responsibility for the state-
ment we prefer to leave to the
Times. If it be true, here is
a startling illustration of the
way justice is administered in
Ireland. That Dillon was
very violent and a ticket-of-
leave man are circumstances
which certainly tell against
him. But they do not seem to
justify his being condemned
to fourteen years' penal servi-
tude because Mr. Baron Dowse
committed robbery with vio-
lence.

Hyperion a Hoax.

An Astronomer, a Chemist,
nay, an Alderman, has been
astonishing the natives of a
watering-place in the Isle of
Wight. At least, he is re-
ported to have lately delivered
a series of lectures at Ryde,
with intent to prove that the
sun is not the source of light
and heat to the solar system.
This Philosopher seems, in
fact, to aim at making out
that sunshine is all moon-
shine.

A MESSAGE OE PEACE.

{From Punch to Pat, anent some remarks on Ms Irish Cartoons.*)

Punch never hits the weaker side because it is the weaker side,
but because that side at the time appears, as far as can possibly be
seen,-—which is some distance beyond Punch's nose, not a trifle in
itself by the way—to be clearly in the wrong. The Ogreish character
is the embodiment of the spirit of Lawlessness, of Anarchy, and of
that Communism which, by its recent No Rent manifesto, has now
drawn down upon itself the just condemnation of such men as the
Archbishops of Dublin and Cashel. Houghing and mutilating
dumb animals, maiming men and women, and shooting defenceless
victims, are ugly crimes, and the embodiment of them in one single
figure cannot be made too hideous or too repulsive. Tear off the
mask, aDd what appeared to be a perfectly legal and patriotic asso-
ciation, appears as the Unveiled Prophet—

" Not the long- promised Light, the brow, whose beaming
Was to come forth all-conquering, all-redeeming,
But features-horribler than Hell e'er traced
On its own brood :—

*****

-Behold your Light, your Star—

Ye would be dupes and victims, and ye are.'''

On the other hand, Punch has consistently and persistently kept
before the public his ideal classic figure of Hibernia, graceful, gentle,
tender, loving, but " distressful," as being more or less in fear of
this Ogre, her evil genius, from whose bondage may she soon be
free; and then, _ mistress of herself, with peace and plenty in her
land, blessed with wise Administration and Local Government, in
happy and unbroken union with her sister, England, with a regal
residence in her midst, may she see the emerald gem of the Western
World set glittering in the crown of one who will be no longer a
stranger.

* Lover's song, " When first I saw sweet Peggy," is -what a Saxon
Cockney would call the best Irish Car-" toon " we can remember.

THE NEW LORD MAYOR.

(A long way after Tennyson.)

You must mind and call me early, call me early, John, d'ye hear,
To-morrow '11 be the nobbiest day of all this blessed year:
Of all this wonderful year, John, the scrumptiousest I declare,
For I'm to be made Lord Mayor, John ! I'm to be made Lord Mayor!

There's many an Aldermanic Swell, but none so great as me ;
I scorn your Common Councillors, such men I will not see ;
But none so grand as Alderman Ellis the Liverymen all swear,
For I'm to be made Lord Mayor, JonN! I'm to be made Lord Mayor!

I sleep well after a heavy meal, and I shall never wake,
If you don't knock at my door, John, when day begins to break;
And I must dress in my Sunday clothes, and titivate up my hair,
For I'm to be made Lord Mayor, John ! I'm to be made Lord Mayor!

As I came up to the Mansion House, whom think ye I should see,
But Figgins and other Aldermen as glum as they well could be,
They thought of the coming pageantry, and howl should swagger there,
For I'm to be made Lord Mayor, John ! I'm to be made Lord Mayor !

Then mind and call me early; call me early, John, don't fear
To dig me in my illustrious ribs, and shout in my lordly ear ;
And to-morrow will see me roll along, while all the people stare,
For I'm to be made Lord Mayor, JonN ! I'm to be made Lord Mayor !

Lord Random Churchill.

It is enough to make the late Lord Beaconsfxeld writhe in his
grave to see the fuss the Tory press are making over this unlicked
cub of politics. If a once great political Party, respectable if mis-
taken, that is, according to the point of view from which it may be
regarded,—we speak impartially,—have no better leader than this
lively product of misapplied taxes, they had better preserve a
dignified silence, and turn their "organs " into literary and scientific
journals.