Punch: Punch (33.1857)

Jcly IS, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 29

jcly 18, U

SIX PAIRS OF TURTLES.

HE Morning Post " believes it is
correct in announcing" (the
phraseology smacks a little of
down-stairs, but let that pass)
" that the preliminary arrange-
ments have been agreed upon
for certain marriages in high
life." Now, "preliminary ar-
rangements " we hold to mean
that the young gentlemen have
asked the young ladies and
have been accepted, with the
approbation of parents _ and

nections, may see that Mr. William Welby was born at Rome, a
circumstance that may induce the Advertiser to behold in the marriage
another blow at our Protestant Constitution. But we trust this may
be got over.

Finally and lastly, as dissenting ministers say, Mr. Punch would
not have taken the liberty to make a single allusion to matters with
which he and the public have nothing to do, but for the Morning Post's
having availed itself of its down-stairs intimacies to reveal all these
interesting arrangements, and to make them topics of town and club
talk. He wishes the utmost happiness to the six couples about to
pair off for the remainder of the session of life, and trusts they may
never take part in a single division.

MARY THE MAN Y-KACED.

guardians, so that is all right. n m a a , i . ■

And as the only possible object Oh Mary, Queen of Scots, you re a myth, a sphynx a mystery!
of publishing'such "arrange- Chameleon, who will tell us what you looked like, what you

ments" in the Morning Post, _,t1 ,^ere;. . „ ,. u (t>ji.m.l-'i

to be republished by the world- Wlll"° the-wwps about you are the lights of British history,
read Observer whence Mr Conventicle says one thing; another thing consistory ;
Punch, takes his information is ! ^u 'tw^ Lingard's Romish glosses, and Eroudss's assaults so
to obtain public opinion upon „ Wisterj,

lou look halt fiend ot darkness, halt angel ot the air.

the subject, (which might
otherwise be supposed to con-
cern only the nappy couples
and their friends) Mr. Punch
hastens to express His opinion
upon the various matches thus
heralded to the universe.
The Marquis of Lothian is to marry Lady Constance Talbot.
He is just 25, and she is not of age. We see no objection to this mar-
riage. The fiance has four names, William, Schomberg, Robert,
Kerr, so Ladt Constance has choice of a pet household term for her
husband, and we should respectfully suggest " Bob." He is a Liberal,
and will therefore be liberal in the matter of settlements, but he is also

a Conservative, and will therefore take great and affectionate care of i Yoiot grimmer, ghastlier faces I never saw a crop,
his wife. As he has voted for the Jews, he may like Palestine soup—
a hint her ladyship had better remember when ordering dinner. If ve
had any doubt about the match, it was because on hearing the a i-
nounce'mcnt read we thought it somewhat presumptuous for a Cur c
seek alliance with a Talbot, but on reading for ourselves, orthograph)
relieved us of this ridiculous notion.

Viscount Grey de Wilton marries Lady Susan Pelham Clin-
ton. The lady is not related to Mr. Clinton, the celebrated flute
player, but is daughter of the Duke or Newcastle, who has, upon
occasion, performed with much success upon another favourite instru-
ment, his own trumpet, with no great response from the popular echo.
Her young hero is in the Life Guards, and being heir to an Earldom,
may reasonably look for due promotion. We are by no means disposed
to forbid these banns.

Lord Ashley marries Lady Harriet Chichester. Any happiness
to any member of Lord Shaftesbury's family must give pleasure to
society, but the deplorable conduct of the Morning Post in spelling
Donegall (the name of the lady's father) with one "l" instead of
two, is one of those lamentable instances of frightful ignorance or
reckless malignity which naturally incense the aristocracy against a
free press.

Lord Robert Cecil marries Miss Alderson. The founder of
the bridegroom's house was Burghley, but we trust that Lore
Robert will take care of his figure, and not let himself also become
burly. The lady is the daughter of one of the best judges that have
worn ermine, and we doubt not that Lord Robert, in seeking the
alliance, has also shown himself a good judge. Although his elder
brother is Lord Cranbourne, we do not recommend the bridesmaids
to go to Cranbourne Street (Alley as was) for their bonnets.

The Hon. Mr. North marries Miss Cockerell, and as he will
inherit £40,000 a-year and a peerage, not another word need be said,
except that as " on account of the youth of the bride the marriage is
to be deferred for some months," Mr. Punch hopes Mr. North will
be a very good boy while on his probation. We recommend him, when
not in his bride's company, to spend as much of his time as possible on
the top of the Monument, reading Punch, as he will thus be out of
harm's way, and will be preparing his mind for the responsibilities of
wedlock. He may take his cigar-case with him.

Lastly, Mr. W. H. Reeve marries Miss Welby. We do not know
Mr. Reeve, but we knew the late John Reeve, and we also know
the present Sims Reeves, though (as the latter spells his name
differently) this fact may have no immediate connection with the
marriage. The seat of the Welby family being at. Grantham, we are
happy to congratulate them upon the recent opening of the railway to
Sleaford, as well as upon the intended junction with the Reeves.
The only obstacle to the marriage may arise from the editor of the
Morning Advertiser, who, if he looks into the Peerage a thing (to do
him justice) which he seldom does when writing upon aristocratic con-

But, at last, behold the Institute, yclept Archaeological,

Calls fidelity'of pencil to check flightiness of pen-
To correct both bias national, and influence theological,
By giving the originals of Houbraken and Lodge a call,
And showing Mary as she was in paint palseological—
But Sussex Street has left me the most mystitied of men.

I really feel as puzzled as a 'possum in a hollow tree,

With a fire-stick at the bottom and a tomahawk a-top ;
Among these various images set up for Mariolatry—
However to the female sex upon the whole consolat'ry,
As showing that no woman's too ugly for idolatry-
Eor of grimmer, ghastlier faces I never saw a cn

Oh, give me back my vision—of the saint that gently took her
woes,

My Mary' of the witching smile, the eye of violet grey;
And take away your Janets, your Pourbuses and Zuccheros,
Who black her eyes, and friz her hair, and swell her cheeks and hook
her nose—

A. rose may smell by any name, but with any name should look a
rose;

But what these Marys look like, I really dare not say.

Though of Good Queen Bess's treatment of her rival no upholders,
We would fain ourselves turn headsmen, and with ruthless stroke
and firm,

Strike all these heads of Mary off their ugly pairs of shoulders,
For the int'rest of posterity, that subsequent beholders
May be saved from foul injustice to the lovely head that moulders
In its cerecloth, in Westminster, sore fretted by the worm.

PROTECTION TEOM ROBBERY.

Eriend of ours has hit upon the following
expedient, which he assures us has answered
with the greatest success for the last eight
or nine years. He declares that it is infinitely
more efficacious than bars, bolts, alarums,
gongs, bulldogs, man-traps, fire-arms, or
anything else. He lives in a remote part of
the country, and all he does to ensure his
safety is to erect in front of the house a
board with the following inscription con-
spicuously painted upon it :—

NOTICE!!!

Burglars, Thieves, Robbers, Tramps,
Policemen, Servants, and others, are respect-
fully informed that every piece of Plate used in
this establishment is

ELECTROTYPED.

The above friendly piece of information has been responded to in the
same liberal spirit; for the gentleman states, that ever since he has
been a resident in his suburban house, which, by the way, is in a very
lonely district, he has not lost even as much as a teaspoon, nor has he
been disturbed with the smallest nocturnal visit.