Punch (35.1858)

July 31, 1858.j

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

49

GAMMON IN HIGH LIFE.

rejoice to hear (says
the Morning Adver-
tiser) that their be-
loved Majesties, Isa-
bella and Ferdi-
nand of Spain, have
been accepted as
claimants for one of
the flitches to be pre-
sented a*". Dunmow in
July, 1859, as a re-
ward for the many
years of conjugal hap-
piness that they have
lived happily to-
gether. It is with
the most unfeigned
sincerity we wish that
they may get it!

As Clear as
Thames Mud.

"We see the railway
*A>}*- * advertisements an-

nounce " Three Clear

Days at Boulogne." We do not see that a "clear day" at Boulogne is so
great a novelty that Englishmen should run all that way to see it. Now, if the
promise were held out of " Three Clear Days in London,"_ or Manchester,
Birmingham, or Sheffield, we fancy that thousands of foreigners might be attracted
over to witness a phenomenon that they had never seen before, and would be
never likely, probably, to see again.

MANAGERIAL VIEWS.

We read that, on the occasion of laying the first stone of
the Adelphi Theatre (may the new Adelphi soon rise into
favour as high as the old one !), Mb.. Benjamin Webster
placed under the block, amongst other things of precious
value, " a pair of spectacles." What they could want
there, underneath the ground, is more than we have the
power of seeing, and yet we flatter ourselves that we can
see through a stone as far as most men. Perhaps their
duty is to watch that no one abstract the coin that was
deposited with them ? Or, are they to bear witness to the
" sight of money," that Mr. Webster intends laying out
upon the building? We are sadly mystified by their
presence in a place, where " sure such a pair were ne'er
seen before." The only satisfactory conclusion we can
come to is, that they were spectacles in a theatrical point
of light. The brilliant "pair of spectacles" thus favoured
were, doubtlessly, the Green Bushes and the Flowers of the
Forest? The success of the new theatre could not possibly
rest on a better foundation. The lunettes, at all events, will
serve to determine to future archseologists, some thousand
years hence, (when the chances are that we and John
Cooper will both be dead), where was the " site " of the
last New Adelphi Theatre.

The Beginning of the End.

" Does this expense of £1,500 a-week for lime being
thrown into the Thames stop there ? " asked Williams.

"No, it's an expense merely in lim{e)ine" answered
Osborne, and, as a savoury gale came rushing from the
river, it made poor Bernal turn irp his nose, quite
involuntarily, at his own joke.

OUB, BACON AT STAKE !

Mr. Newdegate has made his last speech on the Jew Bill; which
will never trouble the Collective Wisdom any more. In this address,
the honourable member is reported to have made the startling
observations which follow:—

" They had known for years that the Chancellor of the Exchequer, himself
of Jewish extraction, entertained towards trie Jewish race a feeling of sympathy
which might be traced throughout all his works of fiction, and which was clearly
and honestly declared in the chapter which he had interpolated in his biography of
Lord g. Bentinck. The right honourable gentleman, in that chapter, expressed
his conviction, that it was the right of the Jewish race to govern the other races of
mankind, and he claimed for them that supremacy while they remained in a state
of rebellion against their own true king. The right honourable gentleman, in the
work to which he referred, stated plainly that our blessed Lord came to expiate but
not to teach ; he declared that the doctrines of the New Testament were the same
as those of the Old Testament; he proceeded on the false assumption that Judaism
was the true religion of the Testaments; and he went on to justify the Crucifixion."

In short, according to Mr. Newdegate, the Right Honourable
Benjamin Disraeli believes that Judaism is the true faith of a
Christian, and swears accordingly. Therefore the Oath of Abjuration
did not necessarily exclude Jews from Parliament. On this subject,
however, hear Mr. Newdegate further: —

" Now, when he (Mr. Newdegate) found seated on the benches on that side of
the House, and occupyiug a prominent position among members of the party with
which he acted, a right hon. gentleman who held such opinions as these, and who
had openly expressed them, he must object to the responsibility or blame of pro-
posing the Bill being thrown upon Loed Derby. He had for years devoted close
attention to this subject. He had seen leading members of the party with which
he was associated gradually embracing the principles entertained by the Chancellor
of the Exchequer (Hear ! and a laugh), and when he found the noble Member for
Lynn (Lord Stanley) seceding from the views entertained by his noble father
(Lord Derby), and adopting those which were avowed by the Chancellor of the
Exchequer, he felt that Lord Derby's situation was becoming intolerable, and that
there wag great danger that he would be forced by degrees- to abandon the proud
position he had held for years as the leader of that great party which had maintained
the Christian character of Parliament and of the State."

In adopting the views avowed by the Chancellor oe the Ex-
chequer, as Mr. Newdegate represents them, Lord Stanley is
simply turning Jew. In embracing Mr. Disraeli's principles, leading
members of the Conservative party are embracing Judaism. Instead
of going over to Rome, as some gentlemen have done, these have gone
over to Jerusalem. Lord Stanley is far on his way thither, and this
consideration may well annoy his noble father, lest some future heir of
the House of Derby should be seen going about with three old
coronets on his head and a blue bag. Lord Derby's situation must
indeed be intolerable. He will soon have a grandson called Isaac, and
perhaps Moss. The leprosy will spread. The aristocracy of Belgravia
will cut the Confessional for the Synagogue. Legislation will be based
on Mosaic principles. The Sabbatarians, no longer Mr. Newdegate's
friends, will endeavour to enforce the observance of the real Sabbath.

As to the Conservative party, they will have nothing left to conserve.
They have little enough to conserve as it is. They have given up
almost all the whole hog which they once went for; but they will soon
have to give up every bit of it. The principles entertained by the
Chancellor oe the Exchequer will shortly subjugate those whose
leaders have already embraced them, and then not a word about the
pig !__

GREAT FEAT OF MEMORY.

Among the myriads of nightly (so called) "entertainments" which
are being daily advertised and placarded, we have just seen the an-
nouncement of a " Great Feat of Memory" which, we are informed, is
to be " continued weekly " of course provided, we suppose, that it is
purse-onally successful. A gentleman proposes to "entertain" the
public by reciting the twelve books of Milton's Paradise Lost, com-
prising, we are told, 10,565 lines. The feat is to be performed from
memory alone ; and as we have every respect for perseverance (in which
virtue we ourselves are wofully deficient) we quite hope the " enter-
tainer" may profit by his patience. Were it not that six months'
constant boredom with debates has thoroughly exhausted our own
stock of that quality, we might possibly ourselves not shrink from
what the lawyers call "attending hearing.''

But as it is our business to cap everything we hear, and to allow
nothing ever to astonish our strong mind, we may state, that the above
feat will quite sink into insignificance, when compared with one which
we believe will shortly be announced. We understand that a mnemo-
logist, of the very highest powers and the most undaunted spirit, has
undertaken to recite (if any one will listen to him) the whole of Mr.
Gladstone's speeches since he entered Parliament; comprising, it is
reckoned at a moderate calculation, not less than fifteen billion nine
thousand million words. The feat will be commenced on the first of
April next, and will be continued weekly (the police permitting) until
the close of the present century, by which time it is thought the feat
may possibly be finished.

geographical parallel.
Frankfort is on the Oder, and London is on the Thames.

geographical contradiction.
The difference between the two rivers of Paris and London is, that
the one is Seine, and the other is not. No doctor, not Dr. Conolly
even, could, speaking of the Thames, pronounce it Sane!

What Ecclesiastical matter is it probable the Jews will not medd
with ?—Tithe Pigs.