DOI issue:
August 14, 1858
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16622#0078
71
for the poor little Lady did not know how to unfix it. The Bishop
sat mute and dignified overhead, and the two Jews, who had recovered
their spirits, were cutting severe jokes about the non-admission of their
party to Parliament, and jeering the Bight Beverend Bench in the
person of its daring representative.
" Give the horse his wind," said the keen-eyed Moss, after watching
the Balloon intently, " and steer for Charlton. They will drop in the
marshes beyond Greenwich," so saying, Mb. Moss handed up to the
driver a ten-pound note through the trap-door in the roof of the
Hansom, and promised another, if Cabby succeeded in his undertaking.
Sure enough the Balloon came over the marshes, and suddenly the
Parachute was seen to detach itself from the Car ! It oscillated gently,
St. Clair screamed aloud in the intensity of his agitation ! " All
right! " roared little Moss, " we shall be in time. Tip him the silk !"
Cabby obeyed—the over-driven horse made a desperate—a last effort,
and fell dead within a hundred yards of the Parachute, just as it
touched earth, light as a feather.
" Oh ! why have I been spared!" cried the unhappy Lady Harriet,
as she stepped, somewhat flurried, but uninjured, out of the frail car.
She did not see Moss and St. Clair rushing towards her. " Oh! "
she added wildly, as her glance fell on the fetid waters of the Thames,
" one mouthful of this poisonous river, and my troubles are over!"
With these words she threw herself on her knees on the embankment
intended to protect the marshes from the stream. One moment to
breathe St. Clair's name, and to allow a dead dog to float by, and
then! She arose, she flung her arms above her head—she stood poised
like a swan in act of flight. Suddenly, two manly arms were wound
tight around her waist. She screamed, looked round, recognised St.
Clair, and with a wild burst of hysteric laughter fell, lifeless, on his
shoulder.
the change of the occupants of the Car, and was under the impression
that St. Clair and Lord Skylark were above her in the Balloon. SLOW BUT SEWER.
Glancing round at the crowd, she threw away the signal flag, and
off went the Aeronauts. At the same moment she recognised St. «— ■—7 ewage, O why with rail* di-
Clair—with a heart-broken scream, she called out his name, and fc. I r I / iute?
fainted away. \ \. I / Your with sewage Wuy
St. Clair fell to the ground in a mighty puddle; the water splashed ^^^^^^W^ ^SE^l W') pollute ?
over all who were near him. IKv eLIC M\ ^ftJ^^^fc. e\ \ Eadi will the other spoil:
To make our story short, Madame Flonflon was no other than Wv^P^S|] ^i.^Pf^rai j? \ \ To mix them is the great
Lady Harriet Dasher. Weary of life, she had read of the intended nra^^ &&dttHl ll^mriiW^/ \ \ mistake ;
ascent at Cremorne, and had formed the wild design to change places JB/^^\^MiW^^^W ' 1 J Yourraiti-fall totherivei take,
with Madame Flonelon in the Parachute, with the hope of never W&\ \wlj&0^W\ / Your sewage to the soil,
reaching earth alive. To be dashed to pieces under St. Clair's cruel mlv^'f ^2^-—^
eyes was her desperate resolution. _ K\ X^^^m) JgwLf In modest tubes, not mon-
" Come, be a man, Captain St. Clair," said the good-hearted little fll^^^^^^^l^^^^^' strous tunnels,
Moss, " we'11 save the party in the Parachute, and s'help me Moshes, w^^^ffl^^S>,^^P^^l Collect your daily sewage
I won't sherve the writ if we come up with them in Middlesex; and if m^W^^^^^^^^W% runnels,
they drop in another county, it won't be any good. The little party ^^W^HKx 'Jp^gr And on year meadows
in the Parachute was the woman who paid your debts." -> (r^^^^S^^^^^w ' P.our 'em'
More dead than alive, St. Clair was led out of the Gardens by little ' $fl|| w^r 1 Your rain-brooks, thus, you '11
Moss, and the two got into a Hansom together. "Follow the tSS, /wC^^^lM^^ \ purify,
Balloon, ma tear," said Mr. Moss to Cabby. "Ten pounds if you f|] And then your rivers wdl
bring us up where the Parachute drops." $gsgf ttBL \1$ II'J .suPPly
Never was eight pounds' worth of skin and bones urged along at so ^lll^Mi^ ^MWwJm With needful streams to
breakneck a speed, as that poor Hansom horse ! Westminster Bridge t^S^^SS^ fBt^Wj^^———- scour 'em.
was crossed in a few minutes from the time of starting; in twenty ^==5==^ Q , , , • . ,
minutes the Old Kent Boad was left behind. If anything, Moss and '^mfjL M0i bo shaU tat June by thousands
the Captain had headed the Balloon: the Parachute was still attached, -.sifife^ililllil^A " n
On many a sewage-watered
mead,
Whence fourfold crops
will spring:
And from sleek farmers well content
Ten pound per acre extra rent,
Fields, thus manured, will bring.
Pat-kine, well-fed, mean milk and butter,
And beef and cheese—delusion utter
Such wealth to fling away !
Three millions sterling wherefore spend,
Into the German Sea to send
A thousand pounds a day ?
Bazalgette and his Board of Works
Must be benighted as the Turks,
Of waste like this to think.
Besides, their tunnels, we all know,
On rainy days must overflow,
And make the river stink.
In no one project will you find
So many fallacies combined
As in this tunnel-scheme :
Its cost, immense: its profit, nil:
The sewage lost: the river still
A starved and stinking stream.
Bate-payers, up ! 'Tis now or never;
" Sewage to soil and Bain to river;
Be this your battle-shout:
Be " Pipes and profit" your demand,
DIFFEBENCE IN LIFE.
The Venerable Archdeacon Silvertongue, who changed his style
of dress, and his principles at the same time for the valuable living of Not millions spent on tunnels grand,
Brompton-cum-St.-Clair, held the heir of that noble house at the bap- lo clean—your pockets out!
tismal font, and when the little gentleman's sponsor, le Comte de____
Mabille (formerly the Chicard of a popular Parisian guingette) pre-
sented him to the Archdeacon, he pronounced in a loud voice the
names " Cremorne Moss Parachute St. Clair."
Crinoline and Policeman X lived happy on Lady Harriet's
Estate, and it was only the other day that I saw their two chubby
children playing at taking the infant St. Clair into custody for being
drunk and disorderly in the nursery.
The Bishop never went up in a Balloon again, but so pleased was he
with little Moss's conduct that, to the intense disgust of his Bight
Beverend Brothers of Exeter and Bangor, he voted for Baron
Bothschild the next time the admission of the Jews to the Legis-
lature was mooted in the House of Lords.
a-s regards the rest of our dramatis persona, they all caught cold at
Cremorne, but they paid up for the Charity, which latter act, let us
hope, already covers a multitude of their sins.
The Word and the Thing.
The Ministers, in the Queen's Speech, alluding to the Thames,
talked about " the purification of that noble river." Surely "noble "
was a slip of the ministerial pen, or of the Lord Chancellor's tongue.
Lord Dekby meant, of course, to say " that nasty river."
Mderly Gentleman. "Oh, Molly dear, I can recollect the time, when
you and I went on a little trip, that we were content to take one simple
small trunk between us; but now we cannot move away from home
without dragging after us boxes and portmanteaus, and dressing cases,
and travelling bags, and writing-desks, and imperials, and oh ! dear me,
bonnet-boxes, and the like, without end. And yet, do you know, I
often doubt, my dear, whether we have any more enjoyment for having
such a plaguy lot of luggage. It strikes me, Molly, that we enjoyed
ourselves a precious sight more when we had no more than that 'ere
trunk to carry both our things in."
[Elderly Gentleman sighs audibly, as he contemplates in t/ie
passage the fearful heap of luggage, for which a Pickfohd's
van is waiting outside.
simple question, by a very innocent young lady.
" Don't you think, my dear, that a continued application of Bow
land's Kalydor would be able to remove that monster big Mole that
they say is near the mouth of Cherbourg Harbour P"
for the poor little Lady did not know how to unfix it. The Bishop
sat mute and dignified overhead, and the two Jews, who had recovered
their spirits, were cutting severe jokes about the non-admission of their
party to Parliament, and jeering the Bight Beverend Bench in the
person of its daring representative.
" Give the horse his wind," said the keen-eyed Moss, after watching
the Balloon intently, " and steer for Charlton. They will drop in the
marshes beyond Greenwich," so saying, Mb. Moss handed up to the
driver a ten-pound note through the trap-door in the roof of the
Hansom, and promised another, if Cabby succeeded in his undertaking.
Sure enough the Balloon came over the marshes, and suddenly the
Parachute was seen to detach itself from the Car ! It oscillated gently,
St. Clair screamed aloud in the intensity of his agitation ! " All
right! " roared little Moss, " we shall be in time. Tip him the silk !"
Cabby obeyed—the over-driven horse made a desperate—a last effort,
and fell dead within a hundred yards of the Parachute, just as it
touched earth, light as a feather.
" Oh ! why have I been spared!" cried the unhappy Lady Harriet,
as she stepped, somewhat flurried, but uninjured, out of the frail car.
She did not see Moss and St. Clair rushing towards her. " Oh! "
she added wildly, as her glance fell on the fetid waters of the Thames,
" one mouthful of this poisonous river, and my troubles are over!"
With these words she threw herself on her knees on the embankment
intended to protect the marshes from the stream. One moment to
breathe St. Clair's name, and to allow a dead dog to float by, and
then! She arose, she flung her arms above her head—she stood poised
like a swan in act of flight. Suddenly, two manly arms were wound
tight around her waist. She screamed, looked round, recognised St.
Clair, and with a wild burst of hysteric laughter fell, lifeless, on his
shoulder.
the change of the occupants of the Car, and was under the impression
that St. Clair and Lord Skylark were above her in the Balloon. SLOW BUT SEWER.
Glancing round at the crowd, she threw away the signal flag, and
off went the Aeronauts. At the same moment she recognised St. «— ■—7 ewage, O why with rail* di-
Clair—with a heart-broken scream, she called out his name, and fc. I r I / iute?
fainted away. \ \. I / Your with sewage Wuy
St. Clair fell to the ground in a mighty puddle; the water splashed ^^^^^^W^ ^SE^l W') pollute ?
over all who were near him. IKv eLIC M\ ^ftJ^^^fc. e\ \ Eadi will the other spoil:
To make our story short, Madame Flonflon was no other than Wv^P^S|] ^i.^Pf^rai j? \ \ To mix them is the great
Lady Harriet Dasher. Weary of life, she had read of the intended nra^^ &&dttHl ll^mriiW^/ \ \ mistake ;
ascent at Cremorne, and had formed the wild design to change places JB/^^\^MiW^^^W ' 1 J Yourraiti-fall totherivei take,
with Madame Flonelon in the Parachute, with the hope of never W&\ \wlj&0^W\ / Your sewage to the soil,
reaching earth alive. To be dashed to pieces under St. Clair's cruel mlv^'f ^2^-—^
eyes was her desperate resolution. _ K\ X^^^m) JgwLf In modest tubes, not mon-
" Come, be a man, Captain St. Clair," said the good-hearted little fll^^^^^^^l^^^^^' strous tunnels,
Moss, " we'11 save the party in the Parachute, and s'help me Moshes, w^^^ffl^^S>,^^P^^l Collect your daily sewage
I won't sherve the writ if we come up with them in Middlesex; and if m^W^^^^^^^^W% runnels,
they drop in another county, it won't be any good. The little party ^^W^HKx 'Jp^gr And on year meadows
in the Parachute was the woman who paid your debts." -> (r^^^^S^^^^^w ' P.our 'em'
More dead than alive, St. Clair was led out of the Gardens by little ' $fl|| w^r 1 Your rain-brooks, thus, you '11
Moss, and the two got into a Hansom together. "Follow the tSS, /wC^^^lM^^ \ purify,
Balloon, ma tear," said Mr. Moss to Cabby. "Ten pounds if you f|] And then your rivers wdl
bring us up where the Parachute drops." $gsgf ttBL \1$ II'J .suPPly
Never was eight pounds' worth of skin and bones urged along at so ^lll^Mi^ ^MWwJm With needful streams to
breakneck a speed, as that poor Hansom horse ! Westminster Bridge t^S^^SS^ fBt^Wj^^———- scour 'em.
was crossed in a few minutes from the time of starting; in twenty ^==5==^ Q , , , • . ,
minutes the Old Kent Boad was left behind. If anything, Moss and '^mfjL M0i bo shaU tat June by thousands
the Captain had headed the Balloon: the Parachute was still attached, -.sifife^ililllil^A " n
On many a sewage-watered
mead,
Whence fourfold crops
will spring:
And from sleek farmers well content
Ten pound per acre extra rent,
Fields, thus manured, will bring.
Pat-kine, well-fed, mean milk and butter,
And beef and cheese—delusion utter
Such wealth to fling away !
Three millions sterling wherefore spend,
Into the German Sea to send
A thousand pounds a day ?
Bazalgette and his Board of Works
Must be benighted as the Turks,
Of waste like this to think.
Besides, their tunnels, we all know,
On rainy days must overflow,
And make the river stink.
In no one project will you find
So many fallacies combined
As in this tunnel-scheme :
Its cost, immense: its profit, nil:
The sewage lost: the river still
A starved and stinking stream.
Bate-payers, up ! 'Tis now or never;
" Sewage to soil and Bain to river;
Be this your battle-shout:
Be " Pipes and profit" your demand,
DIFFEBENCE IN LIFE.
The Venerable Archdeacon Silvertongue, who changed his style
of dress, and his principles at the same time for the valuable living of Not millions spent on tunnels grand,
Brompton-cum-St.-Clair, held the heir of that noble house at the bap- lo clean—your pockets out!
tismal font, and when the little gentleman's sponsor, le Comte de____
Mabille (formerly the Chicard of a popular Parisian guingette) pre-
sented him to the Archdeacon, he pronounced in a loud voice the
names " Cremorne Moss Parachute St. Clair."
Crinoline and Policeman X lived happy on Lady Harriet's
Estate, and it was only the other day that I saw their two chubby
children playing at taking the infant St. Clair into custody for being
drunk and disorderly in the nursery.
The Bishop never went up in a Balloon again, but so pleased was he
with little Moss's conduct that, to the intense disgust of his Bight
Beverend Brothers of Exeter and Bangor, he voted for Baron
Bothschild the next time the admission of the Jews to the Legis-
lature was mooted in the House of Lords.
a-s regards the rest of our dramatis persona, they all caught cold at
Cremorne, but they paid up for the Charity, which latter act, let us
hope, already covers a multitude of their sins.
The Word and the Thing.
The Ministers, in the Queen's Speech, alluding to the Thames,
talked about " the purification of that noble river." Surely "noble "
was a slip of the ministerial pen, or of the Lord Chancellor's tongue.
Lord Dekby meant, of course, to say " that nasty river."
Mderly Gentleman. "Oh, Molly dear, I can recollect the time, when
you and I went on a little trip, that we were content to take one simple
small trunk between us; but now we cannot move away from home
without dragging after us boxes and portmanteaus, and dressing cases,
and travelling bags, and writing-desks, and imperials, and oh ! dear me,
bonnet-boxes, and the like, without end. And yet, do you know, I
often doubt, my dear, whether we have any more enjoyment for having
such a plaguy lot of luggage. It strikes me, Molly, that we enjoyed
ourselves a precious sight more when we had no more than that 'ere
trunk to carry both our things in."
[Elderly Gentleman sighs audibly, as he contemplates in t/ie
passage the fearful heap of luggage, for which a Pickfohd's
van is waiting outside.
simple question, by a very innocent young lady.
" Don't you think, my dear, that a continued application of Bow
land's Kalydor would be able to remove that monster big Mole that
they say is near the mouth of Cherbourg Harbour P"